NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter. *eyes pop open, Nosey sits upright* Holy wake up call! Did I fall asleep on the job?
KARENNE: Er, yes. Yes, you did. You’ve slept for the longest time, Nosey.
HOLLIE: We’ve chugged coffee down your throat for a whole week but nothing worked.
DANIELLE: You’re supposed to be giving us an interview. *shakes finger* This won’t go well on our recommendation, you know.
NOSEY: Did you say a week? *gulps* I usually only sleep for one night. Let me check… *pats pockets*
KARENNE: You, um, looking for this? *extends note* We ‘found’ it. Accidentally. Truly. For real. *shares glance with Hollie and Danielle* Didn’t we, girls?
*Hollie and Danielle nods* We picked it off the floor. We admit that we did read it but, ah… *gives nervous laugh* we have no idea what it means.
NOSEY: Exactly what it says. *takes note and reads:…* Warning. If any careless person believes they’ll speed up an I.B. Nosey interview by shoving a cheap imitation of chocolate -namely, Dollar Hollar candy- into this tacky-blazer attired cyberspace reporter’s mouth, the result will cause a deep sleep lasting until the cow jumps over the moon. Followed by the sheep, the wolf, and the plate and the spoon.
KARENNE: Nosey, a disclaimer like that should be pinned right out in the open where anyone can see it. Make it visible. Like your nose.
NOSEY: Oh. Heh heh. Crazy about the nose, huh? *tilts face* Dig my classic profile.
KARENNE: *blinks* Yeech.
HOLLIE: Since you’re awake, Nosey, get started with our interview.
NOSEY: *checks watch* No can do. I’m late, I’m late for the Swiners Circus Ham-It-Up Convention and—
HOLLIE: You’re not the white rabbit. The Swiners can wait.
NOSEY: Listen, girlie. *glances over shoulder* I don’t wanna get on the wrong side of Boss Bore. It’s usually the side where he’s wallowed in his mud bath and… *shudders*
DANIELLE: But our coffee crew wants this promo for our ten-year anniversary. *gestures at group standing nearby*
NOSEY: Egads!! *leaps back* How many are on your crew?
KARENNE: We have 67 wonderful, talented, devoted, and crazy people! Oh, and not all of them are women *twitches brows* Bet ya didn’t know that!
NOSEY: I can’t interview 67 people! *mops forehead with hanky* Boss Bore will sit on me. *drops voice* Right in the deepest spot of that mud bath.
HOLLIE: Well, how about if you talk to just a few of us? They want to say a little bit about themselves and their favorite drinks. Puh-leeze?
DANIELLE: It won’t take long. Boss Bore can fry his own bacon for a couple of minutes, surely. *pushes Nosey back in chair*
KARENNE: Bacon? *grabs book and flips through pages* There are a lot of bacon recipes in this cookbook. Which would you like, Nosey?
NOSEY: *shakes head* You gals just don’t get it. I could wind up being served on a platter— with an apple in my mouth. *peers closer at book* There’s, uh, no recipe in there for ‘A Nosey Pork Pie’, is there?
HOLLIE: A recipe named after you? *hoots with laughter* Dream on. No, the reason Karenne has this cookbook is because Coffee Time also reviews cookbooks. How about that? And Karenne Lyn is a cookbook junkie. She’s working on getting just as many cookbooks as she has romance books. *gives conspirator whisper* She will never make it! She swears those romance books are multiplying like bunnies on her shelves.
NOSEY: *looks at Karenne* And you’re a stay-at-home mom, right? How do you find time to read, review, do Yahoo chats and— *glares* Keep cyberspace reporters prisoner?
DANIELLE: Unlike you, Nosey, none of us sleep! Oh, and the Coffee Crew does what we love. So they’re all volunteers and help out where they can. Coffee Time Romance would not be what it is today without them.
NOSEY: But surely giving reviews gets monotonous?
DANIELLE: Great question! There have been times that reviewing can get that way. Luckily, it’s few and far between. It usually happens when I get a string of books that don’t hold my attention long because the plot is written poorly. But I know that as a professional, authors want the best review possible for their books.
*Woman grabs Nosey’s microphone* Let me answer that one too!
NOSEY: Who are you? And you don’t— *reaches for microphone but woman keeps it out of reach*
Llaph: I’m Llaph. I’ve been a reviewer for CTR for two years. Oh, sit down. *shoves Nosey back into chair with hard thump* I read a ton of books. I don’t find doing reviews as monotonous. The only issue I have is finding the right words to spit out.
HOLLIE: My turn now. *takes microphone* Yes, reviewing can get monotonous but only when you get a string of books that are good but you know with a little work they could be great. It’s disheartening to see potential not meet reality. *passes microphone around*
KAITLIN: And my opinion…
NOSEY: *groans* Is this gonna take long? *checks watch again, mutters* Maybe if I stop along the way and pick up a bottle of ‘Squealee Oinkment Shampoo’…?
KAITLIN: Ahem, Nosey. Pay attention! As I was saying… Hmm, I’d have to say yes, reviewing does occasionally get monotonous. Mostly that’s because there are a LOT of recycled plot ideas within genres. This isn’t always bad, but after I’ve read one that was an exceptional 5-cup review, it’s really hard not to pick up something with a similar plot and say, ‘Yep, this is a poor man’s ‘Insert Title Here’.’
J.S. WAYNE: Reviewing can be a lot of fun, but there are times when it becomes a job—
NOSEY: And what about my job for Boss Bore? Come on, people! *snaps fingers impatiently* Get a move on. Give short answers.
J.S. WAYNE: But I thought you were nosy about our opinions on giving reviews?
NOSEY: *grinds teeth* Short answers. Short!
J.S. WAYNE: Whatever. *sighs* Anyway, yeah. I’ve encountered a lot of books where I really wrestled with what I felt would be a fair and honest rating. However, as a writer, I know and understand the value of an honest review so I try very hard to strike a balance between honesty and being unnecessarily harsh.
NOSEY: Goody. *yanks microphone away and steps to next member* Your turn. Short answer. Got it?
KITTY: Reviewing never gets monotonous. I try to review every book I read and avoid giving any spoilers. *shrugs* How’s that?
NOSEY: Purrrfect! And who are you? *turns to next crew member*
NOSEY: Uhhh… Say what?
LOTOTY: I don’t say that either.
NOSEY: *scratches head* Hm. Um. Er, that is…
LOTOTY: Here’s what I have to say about it. Reviewing is not really monotonous. Opening every book is like getting a gift, some you just like more than others.
NOSEY: Well said! And you? *steps to next member in line*
MAURA: Well, I guess doing reviews can get a little monotonous, but that is what vacations are for. A little time off and everything is fresh again.
NOSEY: Right. Fresh. Good point. *checks watch* And speeding right along… Who’s next?
DELANE: I’d like to remark that I’d never find reviewing a book as monotonous because that’d be like saying reading gets boring.
NOSEY: Makes sense. *edges closer to doorway* Folks, you’ve got a great group of people here but—
KARENNE: Nosey! We haven’t finished.
NOSEY: Aw, you’ve got to be kidding, lady!
KARENNE: You can’t leave without letting our readers know about our Coffee Time Contest.
HOLLIE: Because look what we’re offering for a prize! *presents beautiful box of chocolates*
NOSEY: Hey! *gives approving whistle* I’m familiar with this company. They purchase straight from Gum Drop Island.
DANIELLE: Of course. *flutters lashes* You didn’t think we’d dare offer a cheap imitation like Dollar Hollar candy, did you?
NOSEY: Who? Me?
KARENNE: So, Nosey, here’s what we want to do. We’re introducing a new line of coffee at Coffee Time Romance. But we need a catchy name.
HOLLIE: We want readers/commenters/posters to offer their best ideas. All entries will be judged, and the winner will receive this wonderful gift as a gesture of our gratitude.
NOSEY: A coffeelicious name for a new coffee devoured by the crew of Coffee Time Romance? *scribbles furiously in notebook* Winner receives Nosey endorsed brand of guaranteed-no-Dollar-Hollar-cheap-imitation chocolates. *snaps notebook closed* You got it.
*Door bursts open and hoarse voice roars:* And I’ve got my frying pan, boy!
NOSEY: *teeth chatters* B-B-Boss Bore!
BB: My Swiners Circus Ham-It-Up Convention ain’t waiting any longer for their lunch guest.
NOSEY: Wait a minute, pal. Let me explain—
BB: Speaking of lunch… *reaches inside apron pocket and withdraws object* I’ll wedge this apple in your mouth… *beady eyes narrow in menacing glint* And I think your long nose will work just fine for a roasting spit.
NOSEY: Aiiieeee! *shrieks and streaks out of shop, blazing a hot trail of fleeing Nosey footy-prints down the sidewalk*
KARENNE: *calls out* I hope you’ve learned your lesson, Nosey! A true professional must always keep their appointments on time!
For reviews, books, contests, and fun, visit the Coffee Crew at Coffee Time Romance!