NOSEY BIO: Loud, brass, and tastelessly attired, I.B. Nosey is famed for his exuberant “Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter!” He seeks answers to the kind of probing questions no accredited journalist would deem intelligent, let alone newsworthy enough, to ask. Fleet of foot, wide of mouth, and fluent of tongue-in-cheek, I.B. Nosey’s unique interviewing style is comparable to none.

Winner of the Pukelitzer Award. Spokesman for Gum Drop Island’s confectionary plantation. Featured in InD’Tale magazine and The Woven Tale Press.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Cindy K. Green Orchestrates an Interview with I.B. Nosey

NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter! Today I’m coming to you from the music room of… Aack! *covers ears as loud drum noise beats against…well, his own ear drums*


*Crowd of teenage chatter smothers Nosey’s outcry*

NOSEY: Hey! I’m I.B. Nosey! *teens continue to yak and to tune instruments. Nosey blinks* Wassa matter with you all? Don’t ‘cha know I’m the only Pukelitzer Award winning journalist and that I’m here to make your day? *waves arms* Hey, I’m talkin’ to you! *Kids stop and stare*

BOY: *eyes widen* Is that the new maestro?

GIRL: Dressed like that? *sniggers*

*Kids approach*

BOY: Man, whadda’ya call this? *fingers sleeve of Nosey’s blazer*

GIRL: Or this tangled bunch of broomstraw? *clenches fist in Nosey’s hair*

2nd BOY: Nice pair of shades, maestro. *taps on lens of Nosey’s glasses*

2nd GIRL: That’s a funny looking baton. *snatches Nosey’s microphone*

NOSEY: Gimme that! *grabs microphone back*

BOY: Hold on. There’s something in his pocket… *reaches for closer look*

NOSEY: Do I know you? *slaps protective hand against blazer*

GIRL: Hmm. *winks at boy* How about we introduce ourselves?

*Together, kids jump on Nosey. He screams* Help! Help! Handsome, cool and suave reporter in need of backup! Like… now would be good!

[And right on cue pan scene to stage left]

WOMAN: *enters* What? Again, Nosey? *clucks tongue* Can’t you go anywhere without creating a riot? *pulls kids off*

NOSEY: Uhhh… who are you?

WOMAN: Hellooo! *plants hands on hips* Didn’t you read the fourth line up? I’m your rescuing help and I arrived right on my cue. *flips hair* As any good female superhero would do.

GIRL: Why’re you helping him? Can’t he take care of himself?

NOSEY: *snarls* Don’t get nosy, gal. That’s my job.

BOY: Aw, all we’re doing is having fun.

WOMAN: *arches brow* You looked more like screaming fans to me.

GIRL: Fans? *makes face* Of his?

NOSEY: You heard right, girlie. *smirks* I’m the hottest heart throb in all the internet.

BOY: *sneers* In your dreams.

NOSEY: Or even night— er, um, that is… *clears throat*

WOMAN: Okay, run along, kids. Nosey’s here to interview me about my book Andrea and the 5-Day Challenge.

NOSEY: Oh, I get it! *snaps fingers* You’re Ms. Cindy Green?

CG: Like, duh, Nosey. *rolls eyes* I’m surprised you remember my name since… *hesitates* you obviously get lost at following directions.

NOSEY: Whaddaya mean? I’m a professional, lady. I always do everything right… uh, usually.

CG: Uh huh. *gives dismissive wave to kids who saunter away* So how come you wound up in this high school music room?

NOSEY: ‘Cause you said to meet Julie Aard. *peers at kids* Is one of them girls Julie?

CG: Not to meet, Nosey, meet at. And it’s Julliard. That’s— *closes eyes and winces* I was warned about you. Not once, not twice, but thrice. But I? Noooo, I just wouldn’t believe the talk.

NOSEY: Ladies talking me up, huh? *puffs out chest* Yeah, I’m famed for that.

CG: *mutters* What have I gotten myself into? Oh, well, here goes. *fishes book out of knapsack* This is my newest release. How do you like the cover?

NOSEY: Heeey, now that’s a cover! Says on here a five day challenge? What’s— *shrieks at screeching note of tuba blowing* Holy foghorn! Where’s the tug boat?

CG: Nosey, you stay right here. *grips Nosey’s elbow* If I’m going through with this interview, then so are you.


CG: If you run off, you’re liable to disappear to the moon!

NOSEY: Er, some folks think I’m there already.

CG: Calm down, Nosey. Just calm down. *straightens Nosey’s tie* Let’s begin our ‘professional’ interview, shall we? Is your atomic battery microphone turned on?

NOSEY: When it glows like this? Sure… um, I mean… uh oh. *stares at mike* Whoa, it’s really sparkling.

CG: Ah, keep it aimed your way, Nosey, while I read the blurb, hm? *turns book over* My book is ‘Andrea and the 5-Day Challenge’ and the blurb reads: ‘Dear Lord, I need Your help and sooner would be better than later. Wouldn’t you know it, just as soon as I decide to attempt the 5-Day Bible Study Challenge, my parents start heaping on loads of pressure to get me into Julliard…’

NOSEY: See…*nods*…I told ya we had to meet Julie Aard.

CG: Hush, Nosey, I’m reading. *begins again:*  ‘My friend Amy isn’t any better, urging me to ask Luke Ryan to homecoming. As if the cute, transfer jock would actually go out with me. I mean, we’re kinda friends, and I’ve enjoyed our Geometry study sessions, but in case Amy hasn’t noticed, I’m the invisible one at…’

NOSEY: *gasps* You mean we can’t see her?

CG: Quiet, Nosey, I’m busy. *proceeds*: I’m the invisible one at Aubrey Christian Academy, and I like it that way. On top of that, I have a feeling Luke’s concealing something behind those chocolate-brown eyes of his…’

NOSEY: For real? Chocolate eyes? *whistles in wonder*

CG: Chocolate-brown eyes, yes, but… Listen to what else I’m saying, will you? *continues*:I know I can be self-centered and a bit melodramatic, but I really do want to seek Your will for my life. Then maybe I’ll even figure out which direction points up…’

NOSEY: Well, if you ask me—

CG: *slaps hand over Nosey’s mouth* Let me finish with: ‘Sincerely, Andrea Jamision, High School Junior, Change-o-phobic & complete neurotic*smiles* There. That’s the whole blurb.

NOSEY: Mmm mmm mmm…*mumbles*

CG: What? Oh. *removes hand* Now, tell me, Nosey. Isn’t that the most beautiful blurb you’ve ever…*blinks* Why are you frowning?

NOSEY: Because you’ve butted in on Andrea’s privacy, yeah.

CG: Me? Heavens no, Nosey.

NOSEY: Don’t deny it. Sheesh, you authors! *throws up hands* You think you get all the rights and privileges, eh?

CG: As to what, exactly?

NOSEY: Andrea, who else? The little girl writes a letter, right, a personal one, and what makes you think you can use that as a blurb, I’d like to know.

CG: Remarkable. *stares* I have to say that’s astute of you to notice, Nosey.

NOSEY: Nothing gets by this nose, heh heh. Um — what’s a stoot?

CG: Let me just say that I, as the author, did write out a traditional blurb, but it just wouldn’t do.

NOSEY: Nope?

CG: Nope. So I asked Andrea if I could use her letter instead. What better way to introduce the story than for Andrea to share her thoughts herself.

NOSEY: You asked her, huh?

CG: I did.

NOSEY: *suspicious* Well, just to be sure, I think I’m gonna ask… *looks around room* Where is she? *lowers voice* She’s not, ya know, being invisible, is she?

CG: Well… *shrugs* Admit it, Nosey. Don’t we all feel a little invisible some of the time?

NOSEY: Uhhh…

CG: And Andrea likes blending into the crowd. It’s easier than stepping outside her comfort zone.


CG: You see, she considers herself to be the least interesting of her group of friends.


CG: She isn’t smart like Amy or artistic like Angie or beautiful and popular like Alisha.


CG: She sees herself as that girl with the plain brown hair, size nine feet, and who doesn’t participate much in school activities.

NOSEY: Size nine feet! Holy penny loafers, can you blame her? Although… *strokes chin in considering gesture*… I just wonder…

CG: Yes?

NOSEY: Which way do they point?

CG: Excuse me?

NOSEY: Yeah, you said she wanted to find which direction ‘pointed up’. So, like, do those size nines show her the way?

CG: *giggles* As to that, you’ll just have to read her book.

NOSEY: Aw, why can’t you tell me now? Huh? Huh, can’t you? Do I really gotta wait?

CG: Yes, you do! However… *relents* Well, I can say that things do turn a bit disastrous for a while and it seems she’ll never make it right but God has a way of turning things around.

*Trumpet notes blasts the air. Nosey leaps and plasters himself against wall*

NOSEY: Yikes! Call the calvary! I think things are getting disastrous in here!

CG: You know… *surveys kids with thoughtful gaze* I have a feeling they’re almost through warming up their instruments. You might should move along in the interview. Next question?

NOSEY: Sure. Sure, I have one. *eyes kids warily* It’s that Luke fella. I’d like to know—

CG: Oh, Luke, he’s the cute transfer student from California. *wears dreamy expression* He might be an all-star varsity baseball player, but he’s not like the rest of the A-list kids.

NOSEY: Uh huh, but—

CG: He’s very down to earth and not looking for what’s popular and cool.

NOSEY: Uh huh, but—

CG: He sees something special in Andrea that others have missed.

NOSEY: Uh huh, but—

CG: She has value and when they get together they just kind of have that spark.

NOSEY: Spark, is it? Where? In his eyes? Uh huh, that’s what I wanna say. You claimed he concealed something behind his ‘chocolate brown eyes’. Well, I bet I know just what he’s concealing!

CG: *gasps* Really? What?

NOSEY: He’s stolen a whole gift bag of Gum Drop Island goodies, right?

CG: *grins* You guessed it! Luke is full of all kinds of surprises.

NOSEY: Ha! Didn’t surprise me none. Guys with brown eyes, they’re sneaky, you know.

CG: You have brown eyes, Nosey.

NOSEY: Uhhh…

CG: Seriously, though, he’s had to mature quickly. His family life is not the greatest. They’ve experienced a personal tragedy, and that’s part of the reason why he latches onto Andrea early on.

NOSEY: Uh oh. *shakes microphone* Might be a real tragedy here too. Battery’s draining low on atomic power.

CG: How is that possible?

NOSEY: You’re asking me?

CG: Ahem. Of course. What should we do now?

NOSEY: *brightens* I have a great idea.

CG: Good. Let’s hear it.

NOSEY: How about I sign a trillion fan photos of me and you take ‘em back to all your readers—

CG: Nothing doing.

NOSEY: Okay, how about I sign a million—

CG: No way.

NOSEY: Er, a thousand?

CG: No.

NOSEY: Hundred?

CG: *glares*


CG: Not even one.

NOSEY: C’mon! Don’t you want a picture of my masculine manliness to carry in your wallet? *slants face for better [cough, cough] view of profile*

CG: I’ll tell you precisely what I want, Nosey.

NOSEY: Yeah? *runs tip of finger around ear and leans in closer* Lay it on me, girlie.

CG: It’s just this… I have a message for my readers.

NOSEY: Swell. We’re all ready for you to spill the beans.

CG: Okay. Here’s my message — I’d like for them to know that there’s a whole lot they can take away from this first book in the Aubrey Christian Academy series. First, I hope they see that reading can be fun and that there are some good wholesome and entertaining books out there.

NOSEY: Huh. Call that a message?

CG: Don’t you?

NOSEY: Not to me.

CG: Why not?

NOSEY: Because messages are, ya know, secret words written in morse code, pig latin or even Possumese.

CG: But I don’t want the message hidden, Nosey.

NOSEY: Sure ya do!

CG: No, I don’t. I want readers to take away the theme of this book which is looking outside of ourselves, our own problems and our own insecurities and doing what you can for others.


CG: Nosey, it’s like this— just be that friend at the right time and the right place. I’m also hoping they love meeting Andrea, Amy, Angie and Alisha as much as I had creating them.

NOSEY: Well, if that’s how you wanna roll—

*Door bursts open and man strides inside*

MAESTRO: Ring-a-ding-a-ling, my little musical budding artists! Yes, it is I, the very one, the very only, the very favorite Maestro B. Flatt Sharp at your service!

*Kids gather around, swooning and exclaiming*

MAESTRO: Yes, enjoy me, for Maestro B. Flatt Sharp shall broaden your humble little dull minds into the jingly-jangly wonders of chords and keys and squawks and squeals and— Aack! *sees Nosey and throws arms across face* The Maestro B. Flatt Sharp is attacked! Attacked viciously! How can I conduct my very one, my very only, my very favorite masterpiece when I am faced with… that?

KIDS: *all clamor together* What is it, Maestro? Where? What can we do?

MAESTRO: It is there! *points quivering finger straight at…[pan scene up and down, around and around -- where is he??? Oh, uh huh, spotted crouching behind cello case]*

CG: Nosey! *whispers in aside* Take off that tweedy weedy blazer. It's insulting to the arts.

MAESTRO: *wails* Remove the sight from me! The Maestro B. Flatt Sharp’s very one, very only, very favorite brilliance is hindered by such monstrosity!

KIDS: *roar* Grab ‘im! C’mon!

*They charge toward Nosey and he leaps in the air, striking a high C note as he bolts for fire escape*

CG: Nosey, you chicken! Come back here and face the music!

NOSEY: Are you crazy, lady! *shouts over shoulder as he disappears down hallway* I’m making like Andrea and gonna get myself invisible quick!  


Available at Amazon

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