NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This
is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter! I’m officially unofficially
on my way to an interview with… yuck! *sounds of struggle* Hey, what’s
this goop on the sidewalk? I - can’t - *strains* get -loose…
VOICE: Nosey, that’s an official
unofficial ink puddle. My ink puddle, as a matter-of-fact.
NOSEY: Huh? Who are you? Wait… you
look kinda familiar with that bearded jaw and— what’s that crazy gizmo you’re
clutching so tight there, pal?
PM: Name’s Patrick McCuen. And
this is my pencil. It never leaves my side.
NOSEY: A pencil? Who uses pencils
these days, fella? Everything’s gone wild and ‘net techy, just in case you’re
not rolling with the latest news.
PM: But you are?
NOSEY: I are what?
PM: Yeah, I’ve often wondered
what you are too.
NOSEY: Sure, I’m— huh?
PM:
*chuckles*
I’m techy, Nosey. But I happen to need pencils.
NOSEY: For what? Adding two and
two? Let me help ya out there, dude. Two and two comes to the grand ol’ sum
of…uh…er…um…
PM: Uh huh. Like I said, I need pencils, Nosey, for drawing things.
Like my comic strip, “The Devil & Gandhi”, mushrooms, greeting cards. And you.
NOSEY: Whoaaa! *blinks* Me?
Did you say me?
PM: Yep. As a matter-of-fact,
you’re right now in the middle of my newest ink puddle sketch.
NOSEY: *frowns in thought*
Ya know, there's something about you... Yeah! *snaps fingers* Your beard,
that’s what it is. Did ya know that curly strand number 1,356 does
NOT match strand 1,357?
PM: *whistles in wonder*
You can count?
NOSEY: You bet your inky
pinkie fingers that I— heyyy!
PM: But there’s a problem,
Nosey.
NOSEY: There sure is. You’re
smearing smudges all over my atomic Nosey microphone!
PM: Not that. It’s your dark
sunglasses. Maybe I need to lighten ‘em up a bit…
NOSEY: *sounds of hand
slapping* Don’t touch me, fella. Haven’t you already done enough?
PM: Like what?
NOSEY: Hellooo! Like the smudges, Mr. Artiste.
Yeah, and besides that, you’re the one who gave me this long, pointed nose.
PM: But, Nosey. It fits you.
NOSEY: Yeah, well, this blazer
doesn’t fit. Does NOT fit.
PM: What’s wrong with it? I
thought you were hip-hop cool about your...shall we say, unique... coloring.
NOSEY: Nothing wrong with the
tweedy-weedy style, man. The problem is that you left off my muscles!
PM: *coughs* Um. Did you
say muscles?
NOSEY: Yeah, give me huge Rambo
muscles. After all, if you’re gonna sketch a macho guy like me, ya need to get
it right, heh heh.
PM: Ah. I do see one muscle
that needs a touch-up.
NOSEY: Which one?
PM: Your mouth.
NOSEY: *gasps* No dice,
fella! *pulls leg out of sticky-wicky ink puddle* I’m outta here!
PM: Nosey! *races behind the
fleeing Nosey* Get back to my drawing board!
GANDHI: *awakes from meditation
and watches the bizarre scene*…Friends, remember this wise Gandhi proverb: ‘Where there is no Nosey, there is peace and sanity.’
NOSEY: Hey, you. Mind your own business! *streaks
past Gandhi* Don’t be giving this mad cartoonist any bright ideas!
PM: Too late, Nosey! *waves
pencil in air* I have an eraser and I know how to use it!
NOSEY: Aaaiiiiii!
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