Greetings, I.B. Nosey fans! Yes, it truly is your official unofficial cyberspace reporter, I.B. Nosey. Heh heh, been a while, eh? Have you missed me? *wink*
Well, cyberfans, my author, Miss Mae, has called me to Headquarters with news, so I am walking down the aisle and -- aaiii! *falls against wall*
*Woman shouts* I.B. Nosey, what do you think you're doing???
(Hee hee, ha ha, hoo hoo, snort)
*Name and Character Copyright by Miss Mae*
NOSEY: *blinks* Huh? Whadda ya mean?
WOMAN: Your fans have been driving us crazy! Hollering here, hollering there, crowing about your popularity-- *breaks off, and then her eyes widen* Hey, you hear that? All that crowing is for you!
NOSEY: *smirks and straightens tie* Heh heh, well, of course. Um, I mean-- *listens* Hey, what's that noise?
WOMAN: I told ya they're crowing! They crow all the time! Drives me crazy! *shoves Nosey* Outta my way. I gotta take care of 'em.
NOSEY: Wait, where you going? Who are you, anyway?
WOMAN: Didn't your author tell you the news? The I.B. Nosey crew has expanded. *reaches up to yank tape off shoulder patch* I'm I.B. Silly, one of your latest members.
NOSEY: Oh, so that's your picture up there? I mean-- hey, wait a minute! Whadda ya mean the crew has expanded? Huh? What -- what?
SILLY: Outta my way, didn't I tell you? *yanks open door and noise of crowing explodes inside room*
NOSEY: *jaw drops in shock* Those are roosters!
SILLY: Think I don't know that? Duh, I ain't that silly! *runs outside to yards and yards full of crowing fans --um, crowing roosters, that is*
NOSEY: *slaps forehead* I gotta talk to Miss Mae. I have fans, zillions of fans and they definitely are not--
VOICE: Yoo hoo, you're in my way!
NOSEY: *whirls around* Huh? Wait-- Ugh! *splatters against wall as girl bumps into him*
GIRL: Honestly, Nosey, do you have to hog the whole danged hallway?
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(Danged cold, danged this, danged that, uh huh) *Name and Character Copyright by Miss Mae |
NOSEY: *stares* What? Who are you?
GIRL: *reveals shoulder patch* I.B. Danged at your service, Mr. Nosey, but you are in my way! Can't you hear all that crowing?
NOSEY: *scowls* Of course I hear my fans --er, um, those-- *waves hands* whatever! But you, what are you doing here at Headquarters, dressed like you're going to the north pole!
DANGED: Well, for your information, where I live it happens to be danged cold!
NOSEY: And where do you live, hmm?
DANGED: In the placed called Real Life.
NOSEY: *steps back in surprise* Oh. Huh. Yeah, that's--
DANGED: Move it! *pushes Nosey aside and hollers out* Hey, Silly! I'm coming! You know I handle crowd control! *speeds down hallway*
NOSEY: *groans* Oh, Miss Mae. What are you doing, huh? I just can't --*noise of revving motor interrupts*
NOSEY: Aaaiii! *slams himself against wall*
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(Va room, va rooooommm) *Name and Character Copyright by Miss Mae |
GIRL CALLS OUT: One side, Nosey. I.B. Sidekick is on the way!
NOSEY: Now wait just one Nosey minute--
SIDEKICK: No time, Nosey. I'm here to help I.B. Silly and I.B. Danged. I'm their chaffeur and chaperone. I won't let them go anywhere without me. So, byeee! *waves hand as car whizzes by*
NOSEY: *screams as he races down hallway* Miss Mae! Miss Mae! Show yourself! *halts abruptly as really loud, as in loud LOUD, noise echoes down hallway*
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| (roar roar boom boom) *Name and Character copyright by Miss Mae* |
RIDER: Whoa, Nosey! Didn't see ya, dude. *brings cycle to standstill, idles motor*
NOSEY: *breathes, breathes again* And do I wanna know who you are?
RIDER: *grins* Name's I.B. FisherMan, one of your new crew members.
NOSEY: *gulps* Fisher? Shouldn't you have a rod and reel, or something like that?
FISHERMAN: *laughs* If I were a FisherBoy, sure! But I'm a man, and how do ya like my new ride?
NOSEY: *runs finger around collar* Er, well, I mean-- *points in opposite direction* They all went thataway!
FISHERMAN: *laughs again and revs motor* Nah, they're cool. Actually, I'm headed there! *points toward open window*
NOSEY: *gasps* Whoa, what a great mountain that is! It's big, green, gorgeous and-- *stares hard* what is all that, that-- *gestures in confusion* stuff?
FISHERMAN: Fire and a cloud. Pretty cool, huh? *scratches chin in thought* But gotta ask-- Miss Mae is writing roosters and a mountain on fire in the same post? *shrugs* Oh, well, she's the author, I guess.
NOSEY: *nods nervously* Yeah, yeah, she's imaginative, that's what I've heard.
FISHERMAN: Well, great to meet ya, Nosey, but I got an appointment with Someone atop that mountain and can't be late, so-- *throws a wink at Nosey* See you at the blowing of the shofar! *rides straight through window and disappears in the midst of the billowing fiery cloud*
NOSEY: *slinks to floor, shakes head* Oh. Oh. Miss Mae, what kinda members you bringing in?
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(bow wow howl now) *Name and Character Copyright by Miss Mae |
NOSEY: Huh? *staggers to feet* And who might you be?
STRANGER: Why, I.B. Paw. Can't you tell? *whistles and four dogs run up*
DOG #1: *barks* (translated to, "Hi! I'm as pretty as a pearl")
DOG #2: *barks* (translated to, "Ha! I'm prettier than you! I'm as pretty as a ruby")
DOG #3: *barks* (translated to, "Who cares? Flowers are prettiest. Like me, as a daisy")
DOG #4: *barks* (translated to, "Shut up, girls, or I'll call the copper on ya")
NOSEY: *steps carefully* A new member of my crew, are you?
PAW: Why, shucks, yeah. Hey! Hey! *shouts at dogs* Shut up now! C'mon, let's go. Y'all know we gotta help Silly, don't ya?
NOSEY: WHY??? Why you all meeting her?
PAW: *looks stunned* Why? Don't ya know, Nosey? We all gotta help her be even more silly. *whistles and doggies follow behind*
NOSEY: *mumbles beneath breath* All of them are my new crew members?
VOICE FROM BEHIND: I'm coming! I'm coming!
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(I'm coming round to be on ground) *Name and Character copyright by Miss Mae* |
GAL: *puffs hard* Hey, I've got a date with a Fall. Oh, I.B.Budzen, by the way. *comes charging up hallway*
NOSEY: I.B. Budzen, huh? And what is a Budzen?
BUDZEN: You gotta ask Miss Mae that. All I know is, there's a spot out in that yard reserved for me. Yep, a hard fall is coming and I can't miss it.
NOSEY: *shakes head in disbelief* You gonna do that? Hasn't your mama told you to miss this so-called date?
BUDZEN: Of course Mama told me that there'd be days like this, but... *rushes through back door* Whoever listens to their mama?
NOSEY: I can't take any more! *screams and runs down length of opposite hallway* Miss Mae! This is what you write for my crew members? Gimme a break!
*Door on side opens and man jumps out*
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| ('Nuff Sounded) *Name and Character Copyright by Miss Mae* |
NOSEY: *screeches to halt* And who are you? And, wow, what is all that???
MAN: I.B. ItalianHands. Yeah, see my hands are fantastic. I can play drums with 'em, fix a flat tire, strum a guitar, throw pizza in the air! See? *gestures wildly to imitate flipping a pizza* You might just need me on your crew, Nosey.
NOSEY: Can you bake good Gum Drop Island chocolate?
ItalianHands: *makes face* Why would I wanna-- *gasps in terror* Oh, no! Look! Look!
NOSEY: *twirls around* Where? What? Show me, fella. Where?
ItalianHands: Up there! In the sky! It's an eagle! An eagle with eagle eyes! No, no, no! I'm outta here, dude! *runs like a speeding bullet towards nearest exit*
NOSEY: *wipes face with handkerchief* Miss Mae, are you coming out of hiding or what?
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(Old Timers Remember Old Times) Name and Character Copyright by Miss Mae |
BRAND NEW VOICE: (yes, dear readers. One more!) She's around here somewhere, Nosey. Muttering something to herself.
NOSEY: *rolls eyes* How many new crew members am I getting?
NEW VOICE: How should I know? Think I'm writing this stuff? Nope, but I've been hearing ya blast your tone all the way through this Headquarters. You spit out words like a billy goat chewing on tin cans.
NOSEY: Huh? *places hand on hip* And just what is your name, old man?
NEW VOICE: That's right. I.B. OldTimer. That's me. I mean, I'm old but can't believe Miss Mae wrote me as being so old I ride a horse. I've never ridden a horse -- at least, don't think so. Wrote a bicycle once. Stupid thing. You work your legs off to carry your blankety-blank-blank around.
NOSEY: Whoa, fella. This is a G-rated blog, ya know.
OldTimer: Why'd ya think I said what I said? Sheesh. *looks around* On a horse, and all I ever had was old cars. They had plenty of horses under the hood, though. *chuckles* I burned a lot of corbon off with my cars. Loved to listen to car races. Yeah,
I'd--
NOSEY: *interrupts* That's enough! Miss Mae, c'mon now! Enough crew members!
FEMALE VOICE: There's always room for one more, Nosey.
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(Mmmm, smooch smooch smooch) *Name and Character Copyright of Miss Mae* |
NOSEY: Hey, what's you doing with that rolling pin, lady?
LADY: I've been cooking. I love to cook and bake for all my babies and my grandbabies. Can't you tell?
OldTimer: There you are, buddy! I.B. Precious, where have you been? Went scooting off again without your dad-blamed pocketbook!
Precious: So that's where it is! You have it! *Eyes widen* Oh, listen! All that crowing and voices! It's our baby and grandbabies. Let's go! *hops atop horse and both gallop off into the -- well, where the commotion is taking place*
NOSEY: Miss Mae! What have you done adding all these members???
DOOR OPENS: Yes, Nosey? Oops!
MISS MAE: Oh, sorry, dear readers. It appears Nosey has fainted flat on the floor. Don't think I'm able to surprise him any more today. I just hope you enjoyed meeting the brand new I.B. Nosey Crew. Feel free to leave a comment, so Nosey can read it when he awakens. Until next time, remember: "Aren't you Feeling Nosey?"
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