Season 2: And We're Back!

And We're Back!

**BUZZ, BUZZ, SPLAT, GASP**

CyberBug 2: Wake up, buggie! (slaps CyberBug 1) What are you doing sleeping on the job?

CyberBug 1: (blinks) Huh? Well, it was a long hot summer…

CyberBug 2: Summer, bummer! Just report the news! Where’s Nosey now?

CyberBug 1: (yawns) Who’s Nosey?

CyberBug 2: (groans) Has your pea brain hardened to a mere lump of rock candy? Whaddya mean ‘who’s Nosey’? Don’t ya remember what we’re doing here? I.B. Nosey is the official unofficial reporter of cyberspace! He’s the man, dude! Except now he’s being sued—

CyberBug 1: Yeah. Sounds familiar. It was some crazy female who sued him, right?

CyberBug 2: Jeez, Firefly, you wasted the whole summer allowing your antenna to rust up? Not just some crazy female. It was Petunia the Skunk. Don’t you recall how she strolled into his backyard after he tossed out a box of chocolates - not the authentic, genuine Gum Drop Island’s brand, mind you - and she lost her scent? She became deskuned and now she smells like a 16 ounce bottle of cheap drugstore perfume.

CyberBug 1: (snaps fingers) That’s right. She hired a law firm too!

CyberBug 2: Yup. A Ms. O.G. Whattapayne of ShutUrFace & DoWhatISay. They are out to make Nosey pay big time.

CyberBug 1: They won’t win, will they?

CyberBug 2: Not if attorney Tobe A. WiteNite of SuckItUp & PayMeNow is able to defend him. And his rival journalist, Gagga DeBore of The Old Bag is all set to see Nosey’s demise. But first they have to get Nosey to court.

CyberBug 1: We can’t let that happen!

CyberBug 2: Well, that’s why we’re here! (spreads bug arms - all 6 of them - to encompass them both) We have to stay on top of the situation. And the situation now is that the whole bleeping gang of them (counts on 24 fingers and toes)…Whattapayne, Y.Lee Persimmon, WiteNite, Petunia, Inves T. Gator, Felicity Funk, Peachy Keen and Gail Branan are all after this Pukelitzer Award winning reporter. And you GO TO SLEEP during all this drama?

CyberBug 1: (looks sheepish) Like I said, it was a long hot summer and me little bug eyes grew heavy—

CyberBug 2: Sssh! (slaps four feet over partner’s mouth) Wait! Who is that in the approaching sleek, mean, bullet-proof limousine? (perks up) Whaddaya know? That rhymes!

Limousine drives up. Caped person leaps out, snatches Nosey from the spot where he’s flipping through hundreds of pages of script, tosses a yelling, screaming Nosey into vehicle, slams door and watches as limo streaks off.

CyberBug 2: Who is that caped character? Time to get to work! (zooms down to street lamp and stretches out listening apparatus - that’s ‘antenna’ for all you techie folk)

SMH: (whirls to address gathered crowd) Halt, all of you!

GDB:  You’re telling ME to halt?  And who do you think you are?  NOBODY tells me to halt!  I’m the press! The voice of the people! Just who do you think you are?

SMH: You ask who I am, Old Bag? (twirls tip of moustache around one gloved index finger) The name’s Sneak M. Hijinx. I am the ‘Defender of I.B. Nosey’. If anyone wants him, they now have to go through me. But be warned—with my bag of hijinks, that is an impossible task.

TAW: (stares at Hijinx) Who is this fellow? Gail, do we have a file on him?

Gail:  No, WE don’t have a file on him.  I – as in me, myself, and I – have a file on him.  And if you think I’m sharing that intel with everybody standing around in this crowd, you need to go play at one of your vacation homes.  Jeeeezzzzzzzz, Tobe, do you ever stop and think anymore?!

YLP: He’s kinda cute. Reminds me of my first love in college. Sigh….

TAW: Really, Persimmy. He looks nothing like your old beau in college. Remember, it was I who was your beau then!

SMH: (throws back head to release maniacal laughter) You all think these mere ‘toys’ can trap Nosey? (reaches inside cape and withdraws stainless steel Fudgsey-Wudgsey Spitball Slammer. Sneak M. fires off a volley of shots, completely covering all the ‘Rambo’ choppers with gallons of ooey, gooey, shooey, pooey hot fudge sauce) I am Nosey’s PR man. I now have him in a safe place. Whatever you wish to ask him you now ask me.

GDB:  Oh, my, how perfectly apropros!  A purely revolting PR man!! As though that little weasel isn’t revolting enough.

SMH: No, Miss DeBore. PR does not mean ‘Purely Revolting’. Here. Someone needs to shut your trap. (reaches inside confines of cape and extracts bathroom plunger. With precise aim, he shoots it at GDB and it smacks her straight on her forehead. Persimmon falls to the ground, laughing hysterically).

YLP: What a shot!  (Stands up and looks around). That was so perfect! I loved it.

OGW:  Boss!  Boss!!  Stop rolling on the ground!!!  You’re showing your – your – your unmentionables!!!

GDB:  (Reaches up and removes plunger.  Without turning a hair, she throws it straight back at SMH, right over his mouth.)  Boy, is that all you’ve got?  And you Persimmy!  Those unmentionables are unmentionable, all right!  White cotton?! Girl, we don’t like each other but that’s a crisis I CANNOT ignore!  I’m taking you to the Mall and visiting a lady named Victoria.  You SO need an introduction!

Inves T. Gator: (whistles) Gotta check this dude out! Where did he come from? (starts at seeing Gail’s glare) Okay, okay. I won’t charge anyone. The sleuthing will be at my own expense.

SMH: (flicks off said plunger as easily as a lit cigarette - watsamatta with that plunger? Can’t it even stick????) Fans of Nosey! (points at Felicity Funk and Peachy Keen) Assert your loyalty! Don’t you each desire an autographed photo of your heartthrob? Hm?

FF: The heck I don’t want one. No way, Jose. I want a photo taken with him, near him, close to him, beside him…

PK: Oh cut it out you twit. You know it’s me whom he fancies, me who makes his ears blush and his wires crossed. I want a whole photo-shoot with him. I do, I do.

SMH: Then do what I say! Come over to my side and—  (has spasm of coughing and grabs edge of cape to cover nose) Petunia the skunk! Lower thy tail, you witless nincompoop!

Petunia: Pfft. Never was I a skink, with my tail between my legs. I am a skunk, a funky, spunky skunk.  Ne’er has it been said of me that thereby hangs a tail.

TAW: I think this man is mad! Gail, tackle him.

Gail:  Excuse me???  TACKLE him?!?  You checked what you pay me lately, Tobe?  The only person I’d tackle for that salary is YOU!!  (Gives patented Gail glare.)

SMH: (maniacal laughter echoes) What a madcap mix of mindless morons! You think I’ll disclose Nosey’s whereabouts? You think you can capture me? Well, all I say is -- enjoy the ride!

CyberBug 2: What’s that music? It sounds like it’s from the Indiana Jones movies! Hey, this guy even has a whip like him! And he’s— (gulp) he’s flicking it toward the eave of a skyscraper! He’s swinging away by leaps and bounds!

TAW: (raises arm and shouts at top of his voice) He has Nosey! We can’t let him get away! Charge, you mindless morons—

YLP: Who are you calling a moron, you moron? The nerve of some people. Always telling everyone what to do. Why don’t you tackle him? Why don’t you charge?

GDB:  Tobe. If you want ME to charge something, give me a credit card.  Anyway, you’re the CHARGE expert!  You look at the fees you charge lately?

TAW: Don’t forget, I’m the white knight here, ladies. No need to be nasty because I had a mere slip of the tongue.

Petunia: Many a slip ’tween cup and lisp, you ungrammatical nincompoop.

Inves T. Gator: I’m with you, Skunkie. You lead the way and don’t worry about us getting lost. (crinkles nose in distaste) Like a pack of bloodhounds, we’ll pick up your scent.

CyberBug 2: And away the whole mass of mindless morons move — er, I mean the whole gang is scampering to follow Sneak M. Hijinx. Except that—oh my! Oh dear! He’s headed for the edge of a cliff! Will they— ? Eeek! (covers all his eyes with his pair of wings) I can’t watch!!!

To Be Continued

Same Nosey Time, Same Nosey Blog

(look for us on Sept. 26, heh heh)

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