NOSEY BIO: Loud, brass, and tastelessly attired, I.B. Nosey is famed for his exuberant “Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter!” He seeks answers to the kind of probing questions no accredited journalist would deem intelligent, let alone newsworthy enough, to ask. Fleet of foot, wide of mouth, and fluent of tongue-in-cheek, I.B. Nosey’s unique interviewing style is comparable to none.

Winner of the Pukelitzer Award. Spokesman for Gum Drop Island’s confectionary plantation. Featured in InD’Tale magazine and The Woven Tale Press.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Holy Cyberspace Dribble!

(Buzz, buzz, grunt…and lands!)

CyberBug 1 blinks 12 pairs of eyes at CB 2.

CB 1: Hey, watsamatta u? (peels buggy hands - only 6 of ‘em this time - (ha ha, readers, bet ya really enjoy learning all these intimate details, eh?) away from his companion’s face.

CB 2: (wails) I can’t watch! We left last episode at a cliffhanger and I’m scared to know where all those mindless morons are rushing to!

CB 1 stares down at the stampeding mob of Tobe A. WiteNite, Gail, O.G. Whattapayne, Y. Lee Persimmon, Gagga DeBore, Petunia the Skunk, Inves T. Gator, Peachy Keen and Felicity Funk and, and…whoaaaa, doggies!!!

TAW: Holy Cyberspace Dribble!! (flails arms as he teeters at edge of a high cliff) Back, everyone! Don’t push!! This is a literal cliffhanger and I’m not liking it at all!

Gail: (Arm raises, half-way towards TAW’s back, ready to shove.  Hesitates and pulls arm back.)  I’m sworn to protect the innocent and the stupid.  I just can’t do it.  I swore an oath.

GDB: Woman!  Oath-smoath!  You’ll never get an opportunity like that again! And how the heck did we get HERE, anyway?  We were in the middle of town!

TAW: Does it really matter if the last episode left us in the middle of a city with skyscrapers? We are now facing a RIVER FULL OF SWIMMING CROCODILES!

Inves T. Gator: Not me, dude. Don’t care if my last name is Gator. I’m not kin to them babies down there eyeballing us like a plate of Gum Drop Island Cocoa Fluffies(flips cellphone, dials number) Send the Later-Gater Getaway Tater. I’m outta here! (turns tail and scurries away in a cloud of dust)

YLP: Hey, wait for me. (Grabs onto Gator and pulls herself free.) Phew, that was close.

OGW: A partnership isn’t worth this!  What am I still doing here?  What?  Why, oh why?!? Didn’t I take that offer from Ambulance Chasers-R-Us?!?!

TAW: What a pain your useless chatter is, woman! If you have no bright ideas to help us cross this moat with those teeth-snapping reptiles down there, will you kindly just SHUT UP!!

Maniacal laughter is heard from across the water. Sneak M. Hijinx stands atop a boulder, cape billowing in the breeze.

SMH: So, you gullible goonies! Come to the end of it all, have you?

TAW: Deliver Nosey to us! That rascal hasn’t paid his bill!

Gail: Speaking of which, your malpractice insurance got cancelled last week for non-payment of premium.  You might wanta look into that!

YLP: Why don’t you all just shut up? What a bunch of jabberwalkers. Lord, I swear, you’d help out a lot more if you’d be quiet.

Petunia:  Quiet? Quiet you say? How can I be quiet when my heart is fit to bust with emotion and passion and excitement and feeling and sentiment and… oh, quiet, that’s the last thing I wanna be.  That’s the last thing I can be… 

GDB:  Will all you of stop babbling and FOLLOW THAT CROCODILE!!

SMH: If you all desire that ‘official unofficial’ reporter, then come get him!

FF: Where’s Nosey? HUH? Where is he? What have you done with him?

PK:  Who? Me?  Done what with whom? Nosey? Who? Me? I would sacrifice my life for him rather than harm one hair on his head.  Manner of speaking.

TAW: (snaps fingers) Yes, why not? Young ladies, sacrifice yourselves. Jump into that water!

Gail: Tobe, that’s really bad legal advice, and I just told you they cancelled your  malpractice insurance!

TAW: What’s the problem? It works in all those late-night B-rated movies.

CB 1: (points) Looky that! The Old Bag has gathered up her skirts and has plunged into the water! She’s leaping off the back of one croc over to the other!

YLP: Who you calling an old bag?

OGW: (Whips out her cell phone) Ambulance Chasers-R-Us?  Do you still have that opening for a young, eager ambulance chaser?

TAW: (gulps) They’re actually making it! Well, never let it said that the White Knight doesn’t do his job. Gail, carry me across.

Gail: Does the phrase “When donkeys fly” hold any meaning for you? That just ain’t in my employment contract!

TAW: How hard can it be? And what do you think I pay you for?

FF: Nosey, where are you Nosey?

PK:  Honey bubble sweetie pie sugar-coated almonds with chocolate sprinkleys stuckie on toppie… where are you?

Petunia: Oh listen to her. I will leap and dance and jump and spring and hop…

SMH: (eyes glint devilishly) Come along, my merry mischief-makers! There are more hijinx awaiting you on this side of the river!

CB 1: Uh oh, oh no! Petunia is trying to leap on those broad backs, but her scent! The crocs are turning belly up! Can she make it? And Gail – Tobe’s pushed her into the river to use as a life preserver!  She’s sinking with poor old Tobe clutching her eyebrows for dear life!

CB 2: We have to help! (zooms down to the river)

Does it end like this???? What might be next for the mob of mindless morons? What do you think? Stay tuned, readers!

To be Continued

Same Nosey time, same Nosey blog!

(look for us on October 17, heh heh)


gail roughton branan said...

Somehow I think Tobe's in more trouble than anybody. Seems to be getting on Gail's last nerve.

J Q Rose said...

Aaaw, the wonder of fiction. From skyscrapers to crocodile backs in a river...This is NOT a reality show...LOL..I'll be back to check it out next week!!

Joylene Nowell Butler said...

Morons are underrated. I know lots that are really interesting. Haha, not!