Thursday, November 13, 2014

Sherri Wilson Johnson Parties Hearty with I.B. Nosey!




NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter! Today I’m coming to you from…um…*glances around* Huh, nothing here but a signpost.  *reads*Ye Olde South’.  Where in Mason Dixon is that?




MAN YELLS: Hallo! Are you our hired clown? You’re late to the party, dude.

NOSEY: *spins around* Whadda ya mean ‘clown’, mister?

MAN: I call ‘em as I see ‘em.

WOMAN APPEARS AT DOORWAY: Clown? *looks at Nosey* Oh, there you are! Come inside.

MAN: *points* Looky at ‘im. Sure is dressed the part. Never in my life have I laid eyes on such a hodge-podge mismatched weirdo. 

NOSEY: *grins* Awe right! My ‘Be Nosey’ blazer… *leans over to whisper in aside* designed by Yours Truly, of course — really stands out, eh? *puffs out chest* Only a hunk can wear it with style.

MAN: *snorts* Or junk?

NOSEY: Well, I— Huh?

SJ: *giggles* This is I.B. Nosey, the Pukelitzer Award winning cyberspace reporter. He’s here to interview me.

MAN: *rolls eyes* What some authors gotta resort to, I guess. *saunters away*

NOSEY: Er… *clears throat* Greetings, girlie. Are you Sherri Wilson Johnson?

SJ: You bet I am. *takes Nosey’s arm* I’m so happy you’ve come to my masquerade party, Nosey.

NOSEY: Uhhh…

SJ: See, I decided to hold the party at a southern plantation house. It sets the perfect theme for my book, ‘To Laugh Once More’, don’t you think?

NOSEY: Uhhh… *jumps back as costumed man jostles by* Holy Snaggle Teeth! Who’s he dressed as?




SJ: A card shark. Cards were an important game in Victorian Georgia.  

NOSEY: Uh huh. *gazes at crowd and whistles* Fancy to-do here.

SJ: Oh yes. Parties were such a hit in 1895. By the way, here’s my book. And… *smacks Nosey with fan* stop staring at Jack Daniels!



NOSEY: Hey! *rubs injured forehead* I’ve got enough smarts there!

SJ: Hush, Nosey, and let’s begin, shall we? I’ll read the blurb. It goes like this: ‘The War may be over, but the battles still rage. A dissatisfied wife. A misunderstood husband. Three tragedies will alter their path forever. Will their choices tear them apart, or will they allow them To Laugh Once More?’

NOSEY: I dunno. I—

SJ: I’m not finished.

NOSEY: But—

SJ: Wait a minute. *stops butler passing by and grabs item from canopy tray* This will fit your mouth nicely.

NOSEY: But— *gulps on morsel*

SJ: As I was saying… ‘Three years after her marriage to Hamilton, former debutante Lydia Barrington Scarbrough is dissatisfied with life. She has yet to have children, and she spends most of her days sitting in a circle of women chatting about homemaking. She thought life would be more than what it’s turned out to be. Hamilton travels on business and never takes her with him. What’s a lonely wife to do when she has no children to raise? She longs for adventure and romance, and really, she longs for the fulfillment of her purpose in life.’ *sighs happily*…Nosey, you have anything to say to that?

NOSEY: Do I! *spits out canopy* Lady, who made that fudge? It tastes like last week’s bad reviews!

SJ: *frowns* But I thought the sale on second-hand goodies at Dollar Hollar—

NOSEY: Say what? *stares in disbelief* Dollar Hollar?

SJ: Oops. I didn’t say that, did I? *nibbles guiltily at bottom lip* Um…why don’t you -uh- ask something about my book? I’m sure you’re full of wisdom about my two main characters, hm? *gives flattering bat of lashes*

NOSEY: Well… *straightens tie* if it’s lovelorn advice you’re after… *smirks* Heh heh, you’ve come to the right guy.

SJ: I knew I could count on you!

NOSEY: Yeah, ‘cause it’s simple, really. All you gotta do is buy the lady a box of Gum Drop Island chocolates. Hey, that hubs is misunderstanding her ‘cause he’s like you and gave her that fake imitation Dollar Hollar brand.

SJ: *nods* You’re so right, Nosey. Now why didn’t I think of that?! That would be the easiest solution ever!

NOSEY: Don’t be so hard on yourself, kid. *pats SJ’s shoulder* After all, I am the Nose who knows.

SJ: Ah. Yes. Well, where were we? *steers Nosey around edge of ballroom* Um, what else can I share about my book?

NOSEY: For starters, there’s something I’m real nosy about.

SJ: Oh, good. What would that be?

NOSEY: Yeah, what’s Hamilton’s problem? Why can’t he take his wife with him on business?

SJ: Oh, because he helps his father to run their orchard. He travels to Georgia to sell their produce.

NOSEY: So?

SJ: So, they also sell china and silver. Hamilton’s on the road a lot which means she’s lonely and misses him.

NOSEY: That’s my point. Why can’t the little wifey tag along? Is there something about Georgia that she doesn’t like? Such as — Holy Twelve Oaks! *drools as couple waltz past* Is that Miss Scarlett O’Hara?

SJ: Eyes this way, Nosey. *snaps fingers close to Nosey’s nose* Ahem. No, it’s that she doesn’t want to move away from Florida. That’s where her family is. She loves Hamilton but she doesn’t want to leave everyone behind. In Georgia, there’s a lot of snobbery and prejudice and discrimination. She hates it.

NOSEY: Oh, yeah. That.

SJ: That what?

NOSEY: What you just said.

SJ: What I— ? *thinks quickly* Um, you mean, discrimination?

NOSEY: Uh huh. I feel her pain. *lowers voice* Happens to me all the time.

SJ: *gasps* No! Share, Nosey!

NOSEY: *glances over shoulder* It’s this reporting biz, ya see. *nods* I’ve got enemies ‘cause of that Pukelitzer Award.

SJ: *slaps hand to cheek* Hush my mouth.

NOSEY: Yeah. Rumors fly sayin’ I only won ‘cause of my debonair charm. *grins* Bet ya didn’t think I knew that word, huh?

SJ: *flips open fan and swiftly cools cheeks* Dear me, Nosey. You’re full of… er, well….

NOSEY: That’s okay. You can say debonair charm. Everyone else does, heh heh.

SJ: *mutters* That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

NOSEY: Huh. Maybe you meant my way of how I do this interviewing stuff? It’s called… *scratches head* It’s called…hm, what’s that term?

SJ: Journalistic skill?

NOSEY: That’s it!

SJ: No. *purses lips* That’s not what I was searching for. *gives fake cough* Anyway, Nosey, I appreciate that you can sympathize with Lydia’s plight.

NOSEY: Plight. That’s me. Uh huh. Uhhh…

SJ: In other words - a hardship.

NOSEY: Yeah, and not much fun for her either.  

SJ: I’d say you’re right.

NOSEY: You gotta tell us. Do things get better?

SJ: Now, now. I don’t want to give away all the hardships she encounters because we want the readers to discover these things as they read the book. Right?

NOSEY: We do? Oh. Right, right! Heh heh. What about you, Ms. Johnson? You a Georgia belle or— *gets bumped by woman dressed as a peach. Nosey calls out:* Watch it! And get a shave! *brushes fuzz off jacket sleeve*



SJ: Dear Nosey, what can I say? I’ve lived in Georgia my entire life. I’ve never lived outside of two counties, but I’ve vacationed in Florida almost all of my life. Have to admit. I love both states.

NOSEY: Well, what’s this deal of writing old stories?

SJ: Old stories?

NOSEY: Yeah. Set back in days before internet, iPhones, U-phone, We-Phones, He-Phones…

SJ: Ah, yes. Those days. Truth be told, I absolutely love being swept away to the days of yesteryear. I love the dresses and the balls. *gestures to encompass room full of dancers* I love when things were simple.

NOSEY: Uh huh.

SJ: And although times were tough, it seems like families had to really pull together in those tough times.

NOSEY: Uh huh.

SJ: *eyes glaze with dreamy expression* I love that fathers got to stay home with the families to farm —most of them— and that children played outdoors and weren’t stuck inside of classrooms and then playing video games—

MAN SHOUTS: You cheated!

*Nosey jumps* Yikes! How did you— Uh, wait. What’s going on?



SJ: They’re playing a game of Stay Alive. *points to group of men sitting at table* And someone just lost all his marbles.

MAN GLARES AT NOSEY: I was winning until he walked up! You’re a jinx!

OTHER MAN: We don’t need no jinxes!

NOSEY: Whoa, fellas. Hold on a minute!

FIRST MAN: Just look at that costume he wore to the party. Anybody who’d wear a crazy blazer like that sicko-one and then add a huge nose to boot? He’s gotta be a jinx!

NOSEY: Aw, now. Gimme a break!

OTHER MAN: We’ll give ya a break! We’ll break your legs! *all rush up, leaping to race after Nosey*

NOSEY: Ms. Johnson! *screams* Whatever happened to southern hospitality? *knocks down tables, vaults over Old Glory, and streaks from room*

SJ: Excuse me, Nosey, you’ve got that all wrong. It’s southern hospital! But just wait. *calls out* One day you’ll look back at this fun-filled adventure and you’ll be able To Laugh Once More!

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Available at Amazon

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If you enjoyed this interview, schedule your own! Contact Nosey via the Form on the left hand side of this site!

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Connie Vines Zombies Out with I.B. Nosey




NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter. Today I’m at the Tingling Brothers Barf 'em & Scarf 'em’s Fun O’ Drama Carnival, and… *cell phone rings. Nosey answers* Greetings, caller. This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter—

WOMAN: Will you get a move on?

NOSEY: Uhhh….

WOMAN: *sighs* I’m Connie Vines, your interview appointment. Or did you forget?

NOSEY: Whadda ya mean, forget? I’m a professional, you know, and… *swiftly checks pockets for notes* and I’m always — um, I’m — uh, always—

CV: Can’t you see me? I’m waving to you.

NOSEY: Yeah? *watches crowd* All I see are a bunch of escaped loony tunes characters munching on sloppy hotdogs. Hey! *yells at passerby who jostles Nosey* Watch the mustard!

CV: Fitting in nicely, are you?

NOSEY: Well, I — huh?

CV: *giggles* Over here to your right. I’m beside the Dollar Hollar chocolate vendor booth.

NOSEY: *yells* Are you crazy, woman? *speeds like blazing bullet — okay, more like a dud firecracker, to reach CV* Where’s… *pants* that cheap 10,000th brand-name imitator, Dollar Hollar?

CV: *gives innocent blink* Did I say Dollar Hollar? Are you sure?

NOSEY: *squints eyes* Listen, gal. If you’re trying to pull a fast one—

CV: *huffs* What are you accusing me of, Nosey? See? *shows three feet roll of paper* It says in my interview contract that I’m not to ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, eat any Dollar—

NOSEY: You forgot two ever’s.

CV: I did? *frowns and checks paper, counts under breath* Oh. Right. I won’t ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER eat any Dollar Hollar candy/chocolate or so help me, I.B. Nosey will gift me with a lifetime supply of his ‘Be Nosey’ blazer wardrobe.

NOSEY: Er, read that disclaimer, huh?

CV: *nods* I’m an author. I always read the fine print.

NOSEY: *growls* Goody.

GYPSY WOMAN: Welcome, carnival goers. Would you like for me to reveal all your secrets?

NOSEY: *starts* Who are you?

GYPSY WOMAN: I’m Madame Do-Tell and you shall see what will be for I do tell you what I tell when I see what you tell—



CV: Ohh, forget it, dearie. *takes Nosey’s arm and steers him through crowd* So. Let’s begin, shall we? I’d like to proudly present my book, ‘Here Today, Zombie Tomorrow’.

NOSEY: Whoa! *steps back* Zombie? So that’s why you wanted to meet here in this — this… *gestures with arm* Zombie convention.

CV: Oh, pooh. *waves dismissive hand* Don’t get your tie in a knot, Nosey.

NOSEY: *blinks* Why not? I always wear it like a noose.

CV: Hm. Shall I? *shakes head* On second thought. Ahem. As I was saying, my book. *slaps it in Nosey’s palm* Won’t you read the short blurb?

NOSEY: Holy Marilyn Monroe! *whistles* That’s some kind of book cover.

CV: Men! *rolls eyes and grabs Nosey’s microphone* While you stare at that beautiful model, I’ll read the blurb. It goes like this: ‘Meredith Misso, Steampunk writer, is turned into a zombie while participating in The Zombie Run in Long Beach, CA. With her teddy bear hamster and soon-to-be ex for company, Meredith embarks on staying human in a suddenly not-so-human world. Fun and Sassy — readers will enjoy this G-rated romp! Next in the series: Bell, Book, and Gargoyle.’ Now. Question away, Nosey.

NOSEY: Sure. Heh heh. For starters… *leans over to whisper* Does this blonde need a dashing reporter to escort her on that run?

CV: Why? Where can we find a dashing reporter?

NOSEY: *draws back* ‘eyyy!

CV: Seriously. It’s a zombie run, you know.



NOSEY: Which means what?

CV: A man of the world such as yourself must be familiar with the yearly charity event. In fact, I could have sworn that you were clinging like a determined barnacle to one of the pillars beneath the pier.

NOSEY: Uhhh… *tugs at collar* Who? Me?

CV: But, oh, that can’t be right. Must’ve been that phony Dollar Hollar imitator, hmm?

NOSEY: Yeah. Yeah. Must’ve been. *gives nervous chuckle* So, uh, Ms. Vines. What’s this stuff about ‘steampunk’? I mean, steam? And punk? Is that some kind of brat who has a bad hair day?

GYPSY WOMAN: Sit at my table, Mr. Madman Blazer, for Madame Do-Tell insists that you do not resist...*pauses, and then twitters* I am also a most humble poet, yes?

CV: *glares* Are you following us? Set up your own interview time! *drags Nosey through mob* Honestly, what’s with some women wanting you all to themselves?

NOSEY: *teeth gleam in smug grin* I’d think that’s obvious, heh heh.

CV: Well, I did ask, didn’t I? But, regarding your steampunk question — Let me explain, milacku.

NOSEY: What’d you say?

CV: That means ‘my darling’. *gives Nosey an air-kiss*

NOSEY: Oh. Heh heh. *waggles brows* Sure it does. I knew that.

CV: Hm. Anyway, steampunk is a sub-genre of science fiction that typically features steam-powered machinery, inspired by industrialized Western civilization during the 19th century.

NOSEY: *nods* Uh huh.

CV: Steampunk works are often set in an alternative history of the 19th century’s British Victorian era or American “Wild West”.

NOSEY: *nods* Uh huh.

CV: *reflects* Or…in a fantasy world that similarly employs steam power. Imagine the two of us floating above the clouds in a lighter-than-air airship, shouting to be heard over the drone of the propellers. And the clothing, milacku. You, in your Mad Scientist Howie Lab Coat. I in my dark blue beaded flapper dress… there is a wonderful little Steampunk coffee shop in downtown Burbank. *gives provocative flutter of lashes*

NOSEY: Nothing doing. There’d be too many zombies there.

CV: Would that be bad?

NOSEY: Looka the freaks here! *points to wildly dressed crowd* This ain’t my kind of party, lady.



CV: But, Nosey… *glances from people to Nosey and back again* Your outrageous blazers fit right in.

NOSEY: *snarls* This hip reporter don’t mess with zombies. I’m I.B. Nosey, the official unofficial reporter. Hey, I’ve got a reputation to think of, ya know.

CV: *opens mouth, closes it, then says* So what can we do to save your official unofficial reputation?

NOSEY: *snaps fingers* Got it. Make ‘em eat what they think is some kind of special Gum Drop Island candy. Yeah, but something nasty has gotta be added to the mix. Quick, share. What ingredient will repel a Zombie?

CV: But you don’t want to do that.

NOSEY: I—

CV: Consider. Why would you like to repel a hoard of Zombies? Think of these as future fans.

NOSEY: Huh?

CV: *clasps hands together* Yes! They’d be eagerly awaiting your next interview… your next brain-flavored candy.

NOSEY: Uhh…

GYPSY WOMAN: Hurry, for Madame Do-Tell offers special for two seconds only—

CV: You again?? Nosey, through here. *pushes Nosey toward horse barn*

NOSEY: Yikes! Wait. *slips, and then gives foot vigorous shake* Aw, man.

CV: *crinkles nose* Did you have to step there?

NOSEY: Ms. Vines. *expels breath* So far this interview stinks. You get my drift?

CV: Big time. *coughs* But get with the program, Nosey. This is Fun O’ Drama, after all. Remember?

NOSEY: But—

CV: Anyway… *pulls Nosey along*…back to my book. What can I tell you about my wonderful heroine?

NOSEY: Uhhh….

CV: Stop staring at the funnel cake display and look at me! *bongs Nosey on the head with his microphone*

NOSEY: Hey! *rubs head* Ow. Why’d you do that?

CV: Getting you to pay attention. Remember my book’s cover? And the gal with the legs?

NOSEY: Heh heh. Sure. You described her as sassy, eh?

CV:  Sassy and Fun!

NOSEY: Er, but what’s sassy about her? Her loud mouth?

CV: My heroine is lively, bold, and full of spirit; cheeky…*giggles* just like me! And as you very well know, my intrepid reporter, cultured women are never loud-mouthed.

NOSEY: *arches brow* You don’t say.

CV: I do indeed.

NOSEY: So if your Meredith is such a cultured woman, why is she about to have an ex?

CV: Now, now, Nosey. Meredith’s almost “ex” was, is, her husband. Can you imagine the stress a zombie transformation can place on a marriage? Not to mention her supply of make-up.

NOSEY: *frowns in thought* Now that you mention it…

CV: *gasps* It’s that woman again. What’s she after?

NOSEY: *gulps* Um, she’s eyeing my pocket. *slaps protective hand over bulging blazer pocket*

CV: Well, come on. *steers Nosey in different direction* Wish someone would turn her into a zombie.

NOSEY: Hey! *brakes to screeching halt* What’s with all this zombie yak anyway? Couldn’t you write about… *shrugs* I dunno. Hummingbirds?

CV: Why? Hummingbirds are aggressive little creatures.

NOSEY: But—

CV: Whereas Zombies are just zombies, going about day-to-day business. Your quest does give me, pardon the pun, food for thought.

NOSEY: Ugh. *blanches*

CV: Yes. How about… *has lightbulb moment* There might even be Zombie Reporters! Reporters dressed in mind-numbing prints such as yours.

NOSEY: Hey, now wait just a—

CV: Milacku, move a little closer. What is that nasty gray stain on your jacket lapel? I do believe I have a Tide stain stick in my Gucci handbag. *searches through bag*

NOSEY: What stain? *scans the sky* Don’t see any pigeons. You see any pigeons? *shakes finger in CV’s face* Ms. Vines, you keep any bomb-dropping pigeons far, far away from my famous tweedy-weedy blazer.

CV: Be quiet, Nosey. Ah, ha! *holds up Tide stain stick* But back to your question. I heard that renowned Doctor Oscar Lebensteinenski of the Romanian Feline Institute in Targu Neamt Romania—

NOSEY: Gimme a break! *throws up arms* What are you chattering about, woman?

CV: The Carpathian mountain range, of course. Anyway, said Doctor has been conducting research on this very subject. *nods* His team has done ground-breaking work on repelling Zombies.

NOSEY: But I just asked earlier—

CV: Don’t interrupt, Nosey. Don’t you know that’s rude? As I was saying, under this Doctor’s work, cats and kittens have been trained under a top secret Romanian government project called F.A.S.T., or Feline Alert System Technology. FAST cats are able to repel Zombies.

NOSEY: Why didn’t you tell me that before?

CV: Well, I’m telling you now. *smiles prettily* The good Dr. Lebensteinenski has been able to link a common vaccine and genetically alter the kittens so that as long as they are vaccinated for Rabies, Zombies will never come near your home. They secrete a pheromone that repels the Zombies and is very pleasant and calming to humans when the kitten is held by its owner.

GYPSY WOMAN: Come with me, or you be sorry, you long-nosed, smelly shoed walking windpipe.

NOSEY: *screams* Don’t sneak up like that! And, uh… *edges away* Why you giving me the evil eye? I didn’t do nuthin’. Ask Ms. Vines.

GYPSY WOMAN: Yes, you did nuthin’. You refuse to be honored by my imaginary skills, plus… *lips smack hungerly* you hog all Gum Drop Island chocolate in your pockets. Yes?

NOSEY: No! I mean— *gives weak chuckle* Aw, c’mon. Can’t a guy enjoy his chocolate yummies for the tummy without you lady gals getting bent outta shape? 

CV: Nosey! *gasps* You carried around Gum Drop Island candy and never offered any to me? Well, I’ve got news for you, mister — I am definitely bent out of shape! *steps closer to Madame Do-Tell* Sister, I’m with you. Do your stuff.

NOSEY: But - but— 

GYPSY WOMAN: Feel the wrath of my insult! I make you Zombie Tweedy-Weedy Dingbat! *jabs thumbs in ears, wriggles fingers, and sticks out tongue*

NOSEY: Aaacckkk! *turns tail and speeds away, slinging gravel on fire-eating man’s blazing hot lunch and leaping lickety split through band of tail-holding elephants*



CV: *calls out* That’s right! Run, Nosey, quick! Or you’ll be Here Today, Zombie Tomorrow!

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Available at Amazon
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If you enjoyed this interview, schedule your own! Contact Nosey via the Form on the left hand side of this site!

Monday, October 6, 2014

Ahoy, Gum Drop! Party, Party, Party!





A party happens this week (Oct. 7 and 8th, 2014). You get a chance to meet, chat, and learn more about some terrific authors -- and you just might win prizes too!

What's it about? It's to highlight the fact that Miss Mae (also known as M.M.) has gone audible! Yes, clean out your ears and listen up! And the first book she's chosen is "Ahoy, Gum Drop!" 

Why this book?

Because it's fun! Because it's crazy! Because it introduces her favorite cyberspace reporter, I.B. Nosey. Heh heh.

So, clear your schedules and make an appointment to join.
Here is the Schedule for Event below (cleverly titled "Schedule for Event")

Schedule for Event:

Oct. 7, Tuesday, coming on at 11 a.m. EST to 1 pm. ~ I.B. Nosey and Owen McCuen - Join us for chat, fun, contests, and prizes... and learn more about "Ahoy, Gum Drop!" heh heh. (Note: much thanks and appreciation to my Party Helper, Hywela Lyn)

1 p.m. to 2 p.m. ~ Laurean Brooks, sweet inspirational author
2 p.m. to 3 p.m. ~ Sherri Wilson Johnson, sweet inspirational author
3 p.m. to 4 p.m. ~ Cami Checketts, suspense/mystery author


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Oct. 8, Wednesday, coming on AGAIN at 11 a.m. EST to 1 p.m. ~ I.B. Nosey and Owen McCuen - More chat, more fun, more contests and prizes.

1 p.m. to 2 p.m. ~ LoRee Peery, sweet inspirational author
2 p.m. to 3 p.m. ~ J.Q. Rose, mystery/suspense author
3 p.m. to 4 p.m. ~ Gail Pallotta, sweet, inspirational and suspense author

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ONE GRAND PRIZE will be awarded!

Ahoy, Gum Drop! Event page is at this link.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Ahoy Gum Drop! for Your Ears


Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter. And do I have some news to report. 

What might it be?

Only that 'Ahoy Gum Drop!', the book that introduces -who else?- that incredible, fantastic, and sharpest dressed dude that ever graced cyberspace, heh heh, that's me, of course- is now available in sound. Stereo sound, even.

Have you wondered where it all began? Have you wondered why I continually report about the sweetness of Gum Drop Island? Have you wondered where my good looks come from?

Hey, who snickered?

Ahem. As I was saying...

Owen McCuen, narrator and the 'champion of make-pretend' will reveal the origins of not only my Pukelitzer Award winning self, but shares the extraordinary tale of some Mishaps who sailed from the shores of Gum Drop Island over to -um, er-- checking my notes, heh heh-- oh, yeah. They go Somewhere Else.

Hm. 

Where do they go? Well, if you're Feeling Nosey like me, you'll wanna listen and find out. So head your nose over to this link, (see below) and download your very own copy of 'Ahoy Gum Drop!' in audible. It'll make your ears happy!



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Visit Owen McCuen on the web!

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EXTRA BONUS: Official unofficial launch party coming soon to Facebook. Clear your calendars and BE READY to attend!  

Thursday, September 4, 2014

LoRee Peery Strikes an Over-the-Fence Interview with I.B. Nosey



NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts. This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter. Today I’m coming to you from… *pulls out colorful hanky and wipes at perspiring brow* Man, is it hot here! Where am I? In a jar of Texas Salsa?

MAN’S VOICE: What ya talkin’ ‘bout, pardner?

NOSEY: Say what? *spins around to see man astride a horse* Don’t tell me. I really am in Texas and your name… *points at man* is Salsa?



MAN: Nope.

NOSEY: Your horse is named Salsa?

MAN: Nope.

NOSEY: Then what are you doing in this interview?

MAN: Jest passin’ through. *peers at Nosey* Ain’t ye hyah to speak to Ms. LoRee Peery?

NOSEY: Uhh… I am? *sneaks peek at notepad* Oh, yeah. Heh heh. I am.

MAN: *sniffs* Takes all kinds, Ah reckon.

WOMAN’S VOICE CALLS: Whoo hoo, Nosey! Are you lost?

NOSEY: Me? Lost? *turns to see woman leaning against wooden fence railing* No way! I’m a professional, you know.

WOMAN: Yeah. *shrugs* But a professional what?

NOSEY: Uhh…

LP: C’mon. *gestures at Nosey* I’m LoRee Peery. You better leave Sneaky Sidewinder alone.

NOSEY: Who? *looks around*

LP: My neighbor. *whispers* You want to stay away from him.

NOSEY: *matches LP’s whisper* Why?

LP: Because I'm a woman and I say so.

NOSEY: Oh.

LP: Besides, you’re here to meet me. Remember?

NOSEY: ‘Course I do. *saunters over* Think I don’t know how to do my job, lady?

LP: Hm. Should I answer, or shouldn’t I?

NOSEY: Heh heh, what you should do is to tell everyone why you chose me, the ‘official unofficial’ reporter to do this interview. *puffs out chest* It’s because I’m the only Pukelitzer winning journalist on the net, right?

LP: But Nosey… *spreads palms in confusion* no one knows how you won that award. Care to reveal your secret?

NOSEY: Well, I— No, I don’t!

LP: Spoil sport. *sticks out tongue* Anyhow... *pats hair in place* let's forget you. This interview is about me.

NOSEY: *mutters under breath* Gee, some people can’t bear to share the spotlight.

LP: Therefore… *clears throat* I present my book. *picks up a copy off pile of books stacked in cart* Creighton’s Hideaway.

NOSEY: *stares* You brought along a whole stack?

LP: *gives innocent blink* An author’s got to be prepared for a flood of fans. 

NOSEY: Yeah? *looks around hopefully* Maybe they’ll want my autograph—

LP: Oh, puhlese! *reaches over to grab Nosey’s microphone* I’ll read the blurb, shall I?

NOSEY: Whadda ya doing? *grabs for microphone but LP steps back*

LP: Dear listening audience, I’m author LoRee Peery and I want to tell you about my wonderful story—

NOSEY: Gimme that! *struggles to climb fence, gets leg caught, and falls with an ‘oaf’ to ground*

LP: As I was saying, this book is about Creighton’s Hideaway and it goes like this: Needing to finish her thesis in order to keep her job working with youth in a residential treatment center, Shana Arnold sequesters herself on Creighton Rice’s Nebraska ranch. She expects the secluded hideaway to provide a peaceful environment. What she doesn't expect is to become the victim of identity theft and a crazed home invader. Creighton Rice has been content to live alone with his God--until he meets Shana. He's drawn to her, but must fight the attraction. Getting close makes him face a lifetime's accumulation of scars. Plus, Shana doesn’t share his faith. But when Shana's life is threatened, Creighton must protect her--even if it means letting her in. Will Shana discover that even when a woman loses everything, she can regain courage and strength through faith in God, and can Creighton allow God to heal scars and open the door to a lifetime with Shana?

LP: *looks at Nosey* Laying down on the job, are you?

NOSEY: *sneers* And a hardy har har to you too, missy. *sprints to feet* But since you were speaking of thieves… *snatches microphone back* 

LP: *glares* Weren’t you paying attention? What I said was that Shana becomes a victim of identity theft. That’s entirely different from me, a mere microphone borrower.

SNEAKY SIDEWINDER: He botherin’ ya, Ms. Peery?

NOSEY: *starts* Don’t sneak up on me, fella. *curls lip* And stop crowding. You're breathing down my collar.

LP: I’m fine, Sneaky. You go right on with what you’re doing. *turns to Nosey* And you continue with my interview.

NOSEY: Uh, well. Maybe. *steals glance at Sneaky, then nudges with elbow* Move along, Sidewinder. Nobody likes a spotlight hog.

SNEAKY ONLY WATCHES THROUGH SLITTED EYES

NOSEY: *tugs at Sneakiated-hot-breathed collar and moves closer to LP* Uhh… Ms. Peery. Er, what I wanna know is— uh, what kind of money could a thief make from stealing an identity? I mean, how smart can that be if he doesn’t even have any idea who he is?

LP: *nods* Have to hand it to you, Nosey. You’re in high form today.

NOSEY: Heh heh, you bet I am. By the way, you can also add how sharp I look in this new Be Nosey line of tailored tweedy-weedy blazer. *pivots like male model and knocks against Sneaky*

LP: *coughs* Hm. I’ll just answer the question, huh? Like, the first thing the perp did was wipe out Shana’s bank account.

NOSEY: *gasps* You mean she doesn’t have enough cash to buy one of my Be Nosey blazers?

LP: Not a cent. See, little by little, Shana discovers creepy, unexplained signs of personal invasion. Though Creighton’s quick to offer his strong shoulders for support, all that yucky stuff mostly happens hours away in the city, a world apart from… *gestures at surroundings* open pastures and a winding creek.

NOSEY: Ah, c’mon. She can get her money back and buy one of my krazy blazers for her hunky guy, can’t she? After all, she sounds like a smart gal what with all that th-the-thesis stuff. *works mouth* Holy tongue twister. Is the word related to a thatis?

LP: Oh, don’t you mean a Thatits?

NOSEY: I dunno. You tell me.

LP: Well, that’s what I’d call a thesis. Actually, it’s a formal, detailed, lengthy, focused—

NOSEY: Uh huh.

LP: …Footnoted documented essay on what she’s researched mostly through interviews… *glances at Nosey* followed up by people in the know.

NOSEY: Interviews? *growls* She better not be horning in on my job.

SNEAKY SNORTS AND SHOOTS STREAM OF TOBACCO JUICE NEAR NOSEY’S FEET

NOSEY: ‘eyyy! *leaps back* Spit shine your own shoes, pal.

LP: Oh Nosey, you have nothing to worry about. *waves dismissive hand* Shana’s that kind of professional, you know, with lots of letters following the names. *sighs* Whew. I’m confusing myself. Too many ths and big words make me want to stutter.

NOSEY: We pros have the right lip, girlie. *smirks* That’s why I carry the microphone.

LP: *pokes tongue in cheek* Thanks for the enlightenment.

NOSEY: Here’s something else that’ll enlighten ya. I’ve done my investigative snooping and know what I found out?

LP: Ooh. Sounds thrilling. *eyes light up with excitement* What, Nosey? What?

SNEAKY GRUNTS. NOSEY GNASHES TEETH: Why don’t you mosey along, cowboy? I think I hear a game of hopscotch calling your name.

SNEAKY: Aw, don’t pay no mind to me. Ah’m jest passin’ through.

LP: Nosey… *taps his shoulder* you were saying?

NOSEY: *wags brows at Sneaky, and then turns to LP*: Yeah. Listen up to this news flash: those kids in that ‘residential treatment center’ are there for one reason, and one reason only.

LP: Really? What?

NOSEY: They won’t eat any chocolate unless it’s grown at Gum Drop Island. *nods* Uh huh. The kiddos know Gum Drop Island is the bestest in the land. *drops voice* You’re not gonna tell me the adults want to ‘treat’ them for their chocolate smarts, are you?

LP: I have to say, in my book, there’s not a thing wrong with being a lover of chocolate or gum drops.

NOSEY: So what’s the deal with—

LP: Most of those youth favor spicy flavored gumdrops.

NOSEY: Sure, but—

LP: But caring adults do need to help them face their pasts before they can go on and manage a healthy future and function in society. It takes work to keep them from being harmful to themselves and others. But Shana believes all youth are worth a caring adult’s time and guidance to the right path.

NOSEY: What right path? The one Shana skipped down when she showed up at Creighton’s ranch one bright morning?

LP: That’s —th and apostrophe s again— what she did… well, she appeared in his driveway. Shana and Creighton’s sister Rita are coworkers and BFFs.

NOSEY: Boogie Foot Forward?

SNEAKY SNIGGERS. LP HURRIES WITH: Er - no. Actually, they’ve attended an addiction rehab center where they interviewed young and older adults. For things like backgrounds as per family and environment, trouble with the law, addictions—

NOSEY: That’s it! *snaps fingers* Addictions! Is that the kind of scars your Creighton carries?

LP: He does have addictions all right, and he’s in recovery for them.

NOSEY: *draws back* Surely not Gum Drop Island Addiction overdose!

LP: Absolutely not. No. It’s memories of antics with former associates that shame him. Plus, he carries guilt of feeling responsible for an accident that permanently changed a friend’s life.

NOSEY: *winces* Ouchie. He did a boo-boo, huh?

LP: A big boo-boo. And then there’s guilt for his relationship with his brother. Add in ill feelings toward his father… *shakes head* I’m guessing a visit to Gum Drop Island would cure him.

NOSEY: Guessing? You know it, woman.

LP: Maybe I do at that. *gives wicked grin* Nosey, you’re rubbing off on me.

NOSEY: It’s not me. It’s this… *fingers top of wooden rail* icky black stuff. *frowns in distaste* Does Creighton dabble in oil ranching?

LP: *laughs* Creighton would ask you, ‘what the heck is oil ranching? Something to do with exotic emus?’

NOSEY: Uhhh…

LP:  But it’s a horse and cattle ranch, or was when he was growing up. There were horses and cattle aplenty then. But life happened. To keep the ranch, it had to shrink, and the land is leased. He needed income so he constructed and now rents cabin retreats along the creek.

NOSEY: Sounds like Creighton might need help to run his ranch.

LP: And Shana can do that.

NOSEY: Does he want her to if she… *checks notes* ‘doesn’t share his faith’? How come she don’t?

LP: Aw, Nosey, a very interesting question to ask.

NOSEY: Sure it is. That’s why you scheduled with me, lady.

LP: *murmurs* Should I tell him? Hm. On second thought… *smiles brightly* Where was I? Oh yes. About Shana - she grew up an only child, the daughter of a professor. Her world was filled with scholarly books and hanging on her daddy’s intellectual talks on lofty subjects.

NOSEY: Uh huh. But Creighton — ?

LP: Creighton’s protective generosity reveals to Shana his standards. Once she opens his mother’s Bible and hymnal, and chats with another cabin dweller, she’s exposed to just how magnificent God is. And she’s enthralled by the beauty of the land.

SNEAKY: This hyah is a beauty too. *withdraws can from saddle bag*

LP: Oh, my! *jumps back and swallows* Did you bring your little friend with you today?

NOSEY: *glances around* What little friend? Where?

SNEAKY: Ah’ll tell ya, Mistah Nosey Reportah. *eyes glint with plain ol’ mean nastiness* She be my pet what do’ care nuthin’ fer a tacky dressed idiot like you’s be.

NOSEY: ‘eyy, don't knock my threads, dude.

LP: Ack! I'm outta here! *watches as Sneaky opens can, then spins around and runs for the hills*

HUGE, AS IN BIGGER THAN ITTY-BITTY, A ONE SOLITARY TOOTHED SNAKE SLITHERS FROM CAN

NOSEY: *shrieks* Whoa! Whoa, snakey! Shoo! Shoo! Get! *dances in a marathon winning two-step to avoid the sharp, shiny fang of quick-striking sidewinder serpent* Sneaky, help! 

SNEAKY: Don't pay me no mind. Ah'll let you happy couple be. *turns horse’s head in other direction*




NOSEY: I'm not happy! Help! Help, Sneaky! Call her off!

SNEAKY: Nah. Ah'm jest passin' through.


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Available at Amazon

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LoRee Peery writes Christian romance, where characters learn through spiritual struggles how to come to terms with the Lord's will in their lives. A song usually abides in LoRee's heart, mixed up with the verses she holds dear. Add to that character voices amidst the stories that take her away from the troubles of life, and she admits to never having a dull moment.
To read more, click link...

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