NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter. And, man, it is c-c-cold here! *teeth chatters* I’m surrounded by miles and miles of f-f-fluffy white stuff! Wait a minute. Florida doesn’t have c-c-cotton ball mounds! *pulls map out of blazer pocket* Holy Weather Vane! This is Alaska???
*Loud snort carries in wind. Nosey shrieks* Who did that?
MOOSE: Halloo, Frosty Snowman.
NOSEY: I’m n-n-not a snowman. Just because I'm carrying around a mike-sicle *shakes frozen microphone* doesn’t mean…er…that is…
MOOSE: *snorts again* Me take you to Lynn Lovegreen.
NOSEY: How do you k-k-know her?
MOOSE: She send me.
NOSEY: What for?
MOOSE: She said look for Big Nose in neon jacket. *nudges Nosey with antlers*
NOSEY: Hey, watch the armpits! *laughs out loud*
MOOSE: *lowers head and huffs on Nosey’s chin* You one strange weird dude.
NOSEY: Listen, my mangy moosehoofs. I'm a professional reporter. I always arrive at my interviews in a style— Yikes! *scrambles to hold on as Moose throws him atop head* Well. Heh heh. Guess you’re an Alaskan taxi, eh?
MOOSE: You heavy. What you eat?
NOSEY: Er… *slaps hand to blazer pocket* It’s not me. It’s this ice heavy microphone.
MOOSE: Uh huh. *trots to igloo and drops Nosey with a splat*
WOMAN: Is that Nosey I hear? *head pops from igloo entrance*
NOSEY: Greetings, Lynn Lovegreen. *pushes to all four and blinks through snow covered glasses* Hey! Where’d ya go?
LL: Get inside, Nosey. Quick! *grabs Nosey’s ankles and drags him through igloo*
NOSEY: Whoa, gal! I’ve heard of cavewomen kidnapping their men but— *sits up and gazes at surroundings* Holy Looking Glass! This is an ice palace!
LL: *plants hands on hips* Did you really think I lived in a cave?
NOSEY: Er, well, when last we parted company, it was a cave.
LL: Was not.
NOSEY: Listen, eye-glaring girlie! I know my whereabouts at all times! Except for when I’m lost.
LL: It was a gold mine.
NOSEY: What was?
LL: *shakes finger* Nosey, if you’ve forgotten our little past dramatic adventure, I’m gonna steal all the Gum Drop Island candy you’ve got stashed in your pocket—
NOSEY: ‘ey, now—
LL: And then I’m going to throw you back in the snow and no one will find you until you freeze into a Nosey glacier.
NOSEY: Wait, wait! Er, yeah. Heh heh. I remember now. A gold mine stalked by clam— I mean, claim jumpers.
LL: *purrs* Funny that you should remember all the details, hm?
NOSEY: Uhhh… *swallows hard* So… what are we talking about this time?
LL: A new interview, a new book, a new— Hold on. Your microphone needs a woman’s loving touch. *snatches it from Nosey’s hand*
NOSEY: Hey, what’re ya… ?
LL: Warming this up. It needs to be turned on, right? *clicks* Ah ha! Shall I begin?
NOSEY: I think I—
LL: Why don’t you read while I recite? *slaps book in Nosey’s palm*
LL: Quiet down! *stomps on Nosey’s foot, ignores his howl, and then speaks into microphone* Hello, out there, my admiring public! I’m Lynn Lovegreen, and I’m excited to tell you about my latest book, ‘Golden Days’. Doesn’t that sound exciting? Of course, it does! And I’m excited to read to you about the exciting blurb—
NOSEY: Don’t steal my job! *hops on one foot and lunges for microphone*
LL: And don’t steal my spotlight moment. *smacks Nosey’s hand away* As I was saying: ‘Alaska is a cold place to live until—’
NOSEY: *mutters* Amen to that.
LL: *frowns* Do you mind? Ahem. Again, adoring fans: ‘Alaska is a cold place to live until love blossoms. Elizabeth Robinson travels by dog sled to help her family mind the store in Fairbanks, Alaska. She wants to pursue her drawing and painting, but women artists are rare in 1906, and flood, fire, and a death in the family force her to take charge at home at age seventeen. James Garrett comes north to help his uncle at a nearby gold claim. An awkward eighteen-year-old who is more at home with machines than people, he becomes a man as he falls in love with Elizabeth. When a discovery about her benefactor, the founder of the town, threatens their future, Elizabeth and James find that together they can overcome any obstacle.’
NOSEY: Any obstacle, huh? What about— *leaps into LL’s arms* Yikes! What’s that noise?
LL: Honestly! *drops Nosey with loud thud* You mean that? *gestures to indicate roaring sound* It’s just Grandma in the next room. She’s, um, napping.
NOSEY: *whistles* Works at a lumber mill, huh?
LL: *sighs* Nosey, get on with your job. Let’s start the interview.
LL: And why not?
NOSEY: ‘Cause I might, like, ya know, need my microphone.
LL: Of course. *hands it over* All you had to do was to ask. *smiles sweetly* What can I tell your listening audience about my book?
NOSEY: Er, well… *glances around* Something you said gave me the chills.
LL: Really? *purses lips* Maybe it’s just the iced Moose spit frozen to your collar?
NOSEY: *blinks* Huh?
LL: *giggles* What can possibly give you ‘chills’ about my story?
NOSEY: Uh… it’s those claim jumpers you keep writing about — Why do they wanna jump on claims anyway? Can’t they, ya know, do something worthwhile, like — jump on grasshoppers?
LL: Pooh, Nosey. Why would they do that? Not much money to be made from grasshoppers. Gold is so much more attractive to them.
LL: Yeah. And before you ask, remember where I mentioned the benefactor, the owner of the town, and of how he threatens their future?
LL: Well… *takes Nosey aside in conspirator whisper* It turns out he has a dark past, and hangs out with shady characters, like claim jumpers.
NOSEY: *draws back* Say it ain’t so!
LL: Sorry, ‘cause it is so. *nods* The scandal makes Elizabeth’s father doubt his offer to send her to an art institute. That wrecks Elizabeth’s and James’ plan to reunite in Chicago.
NOSEY: Did you say ‘art’? *snaps fingers* That means she can draw, right?
LL: You think?
NOSEY: Sure, and I bet I know just what it is she draws.
LL: Really? Such as?
LL: You? *stares with disbelief*
NOSEY: Goes without saying. *puffs out chest* She’s eager to draw life-like etchings of your official unofficial reporter, heh heh.
LL: Er, if she met you… *mouth twitches* I’m sure she’d want to sketch your, um… *coughs* remarkable face, Nosey. Uh huh. Yep. But, uh, don’t you think that whole idea might sour with James?
NOSEY: Who’s James?
LL: Excuse me? You don’t remember the name of her hero?
NOSEY: Ohhh. Yeah, that youngster who becomes a man. *smirks* Models himself after me, I take it.
LL: *rolls eyes* Well, let me say — uh, maybe. If you had more elegant manners—
LL: And had a career as an engineer or inventor.
NOSEY: Why would I wanna do that? I’m the official unofficial spokesman for Gum Drop Island confectionary plantation. Not just anyone carries that honor, ya know.
LL: And that reminds me. *steps closer* Nosey, did you invent Gum Drop chocolates?
NOSEY: Uhhh… Is that Grandma? *jumps as roaring sound increases in volume*
LL: Hm. *frowns* She might be about to wake up. Maybe you should run along, Nosey.
NOSEY: Sure. Sure. But just one more quick question, Ms. Lovegreen.
LL: Uh huh. What? *gives wary glance across shoulder*
NOSEY: How do you go about doing your research? Is it fun, or tedious?
LL: I read and look at things online, and I also visit the settings of my books. It’s fun to me. I love digging into history to find great stories and fascinating people. Kind of like what you do with your official unofficial reporting, Nosey, except mine is from the past.
NOSEY: And there’s one more thing—
LL: I really think you should boogie, Nosey.
NOSEY: Now? Well, sure, if you wanna. What tune we doing? *strikes dance pose*
LL: Ohhh. *groans* I’m telling ya. There’s nothing else you need to know. *glances again over shoulder*
NOSEY: Not so fast! I wanted to ask about Elizabeth traveling by ‘dog sled’ to Fairbanks. Where did she come from? Maybe she’d visited Gum Drop Island?
LL: What if she had?
NOSEY: If she went there to draw a sketch of me, she oughta make an appointment first! I’m a sold-out attraction, ya know.
LL: Oh, Nosey. *gestures with impatient hand* She didn’t want to draw you.
NOSEY: *gasps* Clean your glasses, woman! Get a look at this manly face, will ya? *turns head to show profile* Not only am I the hottest dog on the internet, but—
LL: You’re forgetting something, Nosey. I’m afraid that Gum Drop Island was not well-known in 1906.
LL: So she had to settle for Seattle.
NOSEY: Yeah, but—
*Heavy stomps come from next room. Ceiling vibrates*
NOSEY: Whoa! Ms. Lovegreen, your grandma wears army boots?
*Polar bear pokes head around edge of door. Bear yells* Noise! All I hear is yakety-yak noise!
NOSEY: My, w-what… *edges back toward exit* big ears you have, Grandma.
GRANDMA: *sniffs, and then snarls* The better to hear you with, my Gum Drop Island scented morsel.
NOSEY: *shrieks* My, w-what big teeth you have too! *leaps and flees out into the Alaskan Arctic and really cold wet white stuff*
LL: *calls out* Nosey, Grandma’s nipping at your heels! You better hop on Elizabeth’s dog sled and keep on mushing!
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