NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is
I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter. Today I’m coming to you from— *gasps*
I hear something. What can it be?
*Sound of pounding hooves. Creature who
is half-man in front and the rear end is…um, the rear end of not a man…
gallops up to Nosey*
CREATURE: *glares* And you, a
long-nosed, microphone-clutching, bargain basement blazered specimen are not classified -as
the writer has just labeled me- a
CREATURE: My name is
NOSEY: *scratches head* How d’ya
pronounce that, pal?
CREATURE: I just did.
*Loud claps of thunder jolts the ground.
Nosey shrieks* Holy Chicken Little! I gotta take cover! Is there a shelter
nearby? Quick! Quick! Anything’ll do… a shed, a groundhog hole, a convertible
with a gorgeous blonde driver.
CREATURE: *raises brows* Convertible?
NOSEY: Oh. Heh heh. Then again,
CREATURE: What you can do
is to… *extends hand* climb aboard.
NOSEY: Uhh… If you think this
Pukelitzer Award winning reporter is gonna ride bareback on a… *gestures* bare
back, I gotta tell ya ‘no way’. Yeah, see. I got my trusty atomic-battery
microphone to lead the way to— *lightning sizzles, frying Nosey’s nose hair.
He screams* On second thought— *he leaps atop creature-man* Giddyup!
CREATURE: *races at breakneck speed
through miles and miles and miles and miles and miles of mountains, valleys,
lakes and rivers and— nah, he only trots a couple of feet and comes to
screeching halt. Nosey lands -- on his head -- with a loud hollow bong*
CREATURE: Enter the cave
at your peril. *nods at foreboding entrance*
NOSEY: Cave? *sprints to feet and
brushes down sides of tweedy-weedyblazer* Ha. This official
unofficial reporter doesn’t conduct interviews in dark, damp, musty, filthy,
and spidery— *chunks of hail plummet from sky* Aack! *Nosey streaks
inside cave* Greetings, new little spider friends! This is I.B. Nosey, your
WOMAN: Stop right there! *raises
arm and Nosey runs --smack!-- andlands flat on the floor* What’s
wrong with you, Nosey? Can’t you stand upright in this interview?
NOSEY: What fun would that be? *leaps
nimbly to feet… [he’s had lots of practice, you know]* And, remember, I am
CREATURE: A professional what?
WOMAN: *stares at Creature* Who are you?
CREATURE: Why does the
writer continue to call me ‘Creature’? My name is Bcoaretypqh.
WOMAN: How do you pronounce that?
NOSEY: I already asked him. *scowls*
Lady, don’t repeat my lines.
WOMAN: *blinks* Sorry, but I
wasn’t present when you asked the first time.
NOSEY: Yeah, but—
WOMAN: Anyway. *takes Nosey’s arm
and drags him to interior chamber* So glad you’re punctual, Nosey.
NOSEY: What’re ya talking about? Of
course I’m punchable— er, um, I mean… *tugs at collar*
WOMAN: Hm. *gestures at
surroundings* What do you think of my little abode?
NOSEY: I dunno. *gazes around*
It’s kinda spooky.
WOMAN: Wanna go back into the storm?
NOSEY: *brightens* Actually,
you’ve made it pretty cozy. Yeah, with those wall torches stretching the deep,
dark shadows and… *swallows* and squeaky bats hanging off the ceiling. *nervous
chuckle* It gives a real meaning to the term ‘atmosphere’.
WOMAN: Yes, I am clever, aren’t I?
NOSEY: Uhhh… but if it’s all the same
WOMAN: Nosey, listen here. *drags
him down length of dimmed tunnel* What kind of reporter are you, anyway?
You’ve not introduced me to your listening audience. I’m tired of being written
CREATURE: And what about me? I'm not treated with respect by this idiot either.
NOSEY: What idiot? *spins around to
search behind him*
WOMAN: *glances over shoulder at
Creature* Who are you? And why are you in my interview?
MH: Melanie Hatfield. *grins* There!
I finally get to announce who I am.
NOSEY: Hatfield? *jumps away*
Holy hillbilly hoedown. You hiding in here ‘cause of the feud between you and
MH: *giggles* Not those
NOSEY: *breathes sigh of relief* Goodie. Should
be a pretty safe interview. *mutters* Maybe my very first one.
MH: *clicks tongue* You think?
NOSEY: Whaddaya mean ‘do I think’?
MH: Hard question, huh?
MH: Here. Why don’t we do this. *presents
book* Read the blurb and let’s see what your audience thinks.
NOSEY: *squints* Lights are bad
in here. Why don’t you call an electrician?
MH: Use the light from your
atomic-battery microphone. *rolls eyes* Where would you men be without
us women using our brains?
NOSEY: I dunno. Lost my roadmap a long
MH: My point exactly. But,
for right now, I want you to just read, Nosey. I’m getting impatient.
CREATURE: So am I. I
wanna know what your book’s about.
NOSEY: What’s your name again?
CREATURE: *gnashes teeth*Read.
NOSEY: That’s a funny name.
MH: *hoots* Say what,
NOSEY: I just said his name—
MH: Forget it. *taps book*
NOSEY: Oh. Sure. Let me turn on this
atomic-battery microphone. *grinsat MH* You’re not dealing with an amateur, you know.
MH: *purrs* Of course not.
NOSEY: Ahem. Where were we? Oh, yeah…
Title of book is: Blades ofBlood - The Chronicles of
Turrack Series and the blurb goes ‘Howfarwould you go to protect the ones you love?…’ *looks at MH* Hey,
Thank you. Continue, please.
As I was saying… *raises volume of voice* ‘Princess Azedeh, heir to
the throne of Turrack, slays the evil in her kingdom under the guise of Tina
the Terrible, the most feared assassin in the land. When a creature of dark
magic terrorizes her home, she must journey to a dangerous land to stop it at
the source. As she encounters more magical beings on her quest, she must
determine whom she can trust—and a wrong decision will cost the princess her life.’
Wait a minute! Whadda I just read? *stares at Creature* This says, ‘a
creature of dark…’
That’s not me. *shakes head wildly* Honest. I just came in here to
get out of the rain.
Oh, diddly-doop. Of course it’s not you.
I’m the author and if I say it’s ‘not’, then it’s ‘not’… er, don’t say that
fast, dear reader.
Well, there’s some kind of weird or dangerous creatures in this here book,
that’s for sure.
This Tina the Terrible, for instance. *frowns* Sounds like a brat having
Hardly! Tina the Terrible is the guise of my heroine, Azedeh. Didn’t you pay
attention to the blurb?
Actually, I was kinda distracted by those fat bats flying over my head. *ducks
as one wings by* Dude, these things are ugly!
MH: *snaps fingers*
Pay attention, Nosey. When Azedeh was eight, she was kidnapped by a group of
Uh huh. Okay. Then what happened?
Eventually, she was rescued, but her innocence was shattered. Realizing there
are evil people mucking up her kingdom, she decided to go down the path of
violence - which, let’s be honest, makes things more interesting.
I do - and today’s TV shows.
Besides, a princess isn’t allowed to be dark and brooding for the sake of
beating up bad guys, so she created an assassin’s persona of Tina the Terrible
to secretly slay evil-doers who threaten her kingdom.
Oh, well. In that case, maybe she can set out bat traps. Ouch! *hunkers down
as one furry critter zooms by, flashing shiny sharp fangs* Ms. Hatfield,
this isn’t a smart place to conduct an interview!
Straighten up, Nosey. Be more like Azedeh. In a way, she’s kind of like a
medieval version of Batman - without the dead parents.
Forget Batman! *glances at ceiling* I just wanna be a Nosey man!
Well, you know… *muses* They do seem somewhat attracted to your… er,
unique? hair style.
Aw, man. *checks hair with fast hand* Gross and double gross. Look here,
Ms. Hatfield. There’s only one thing to do.
We gotta get outta here. Gotta get rid of that evil kingdom for Tina and—
How do you propose we do that?
Well, uh, I dunno, like, um, so - how did the evil in her kingdom get there in
the first place? Couldn’t she just, ya know, sweep it out the door? *kicks
at bat goo littered on floor* Like this smelly stuff oughta be.
MH: *purses lips*
It would certainly make things easier if she could. A giant sandman magically
appears in her kingdom and sucks people’s souls—
Giant sandmen? What’re ya doing writing about old dirtbags?
It’s my story, isn’t it?
But, unfortunately, our heroine lives in a medieval time so it’s not as though
she can go to Target and pick up a Dyson.
But the only way to get rid of the… *points* bat goo, and the sandy
threat is to venture into the desert where he came from and to destroy him at
huh. Right. The dangerous land you mentioned?
Hey, the grass isn’t always greener. Stay on your side of the fence if you want
to survive in Turrack.
I’ll tell ya how to survive. Yeah. Stay at Gum Drop Island, that’s how.
Oh, you think so, hm? *bites lip* Oops. My bad. Guess I shouldn’t ought
to ask what you think.
Ha. *snorts* Nothing to think about, gal. Use a box of those delish
chocolates as a bargaining chip, and there you go. No wrong decision with that.
For your information, I wouldn’t recommend bribing this kid with candy.
And why not?
Because to her, she’ll assume it’s poisoned and kill you for threatening her
Way, Nosey. Big way. *sniffs* Death by chocolate is not as fun as it
I’m beginning to think there’s no fun at all in your ‘chronicles’ book,
which… *flails arms at swooping bats* sounds like a ding-dong medieval
calendar. Whoa, whoa, batsies, shoo! Shoo!
A calendar of events, you mean? *laughs* Yes! With a Farmer’s Market
Hey! *screeches* These bats aren’t funny, Ms. Hayfield! Ooh, ouch, help!
*swats with microphone* You! Yo, Creature! Stop sucking your
thumb - do something to help this long-nosed reporter. Ow, ouch, eek!
Who? Me? *shoves thumbed fist behind back* I’m - waiting - for my cue.
I just gave it to ya!
Be quiet, Nosey. A woman’s gotta think. *takes on consideringexpression*
Actually, did you know that the Chronicles is a spin-off of my comedy-fantasy
series Kingdom of the Snark?
NOSEY: *screams and
runs to other end*
CREATURE: I didn't know that, Ms. Hatfield. Tell me more.
Well, Turrack started out as a random joke in the first book, but as I expanded
upon the kingdom while writing the series, I realized there’s another world I
wanted to explore.
Ooh, ooh, little batty beasties. *speeds to other end* In case you
didn’t hear, my name is Nosey, not Dracula!
Nosey bounce off walls like a ricocheting bullet*
Uh huh, Ms. Hatfield, and— ?
And it’s a realm that isolated itself from the others, so I don’t have to
follow the same rules, and can make it darker than Snark.
What, Nosey? *taps foot* What’s your problem?
NOSEY:You gotta ask???*races back to other end*
CREATURE: That’s my cue.
*unzips ‘creature’ skin and lets it fall to bat floor. No, dear reader,
you do NOT have to shield your eyes. This is a G-rated interview, after all*
MH: *gasps* Why, you
deceiver! You’re nothing but a giant sandman in that cheap skin rug!
NEWLY REVEALED DIRTBAG: Yes! *evil
laugh* And since the bats-in-belfry-haired reporter is too busy to help, I
am going to suck out your soul, Ms. Hatfield!
MH: Nosey! *rushes over* My
hero, my darling Nosey man. Save me, quick!
NOSEY: Save you? Why don't you save me? *dodges bat-gooey bat-lips of hungry batty beastie babes*
MH: I know! We need a vacuum! *bites
nails* Um, doesn’t your atomic-battery microphone come equipped in such
NOSEY: *brakes* Whaddaya know.
Come to think of it… *flips switch and aims it toward ‘dirtbag’
NEWLY REVEALED DIRTBAG: Ugh, no, noooo…
*in a tornado of dust, he spins around toward cave exit and disappears in
downpour-drenching thunderstorm where his name becomes… what else? …Mudd*
NOSEY: Whoa! Whoa, wait! *gets
knocked off feet* What’s happening?
MH: Flip the switch. You have it in
reverse! *watches as ‘swoosh’ of windslams against Nosey and rockets
him past cave roof* Nosey, turn the mike off! You’re being propelled into
infinity and beyond!
NOSEY: Don’t worry, Ms. Hatfield... *streaking
like a comet, he disappears into the stars, his voice fading in the distance*
…I’m a professionalllllll……
NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts!
This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter! Today I’m at the
threshold of Chew the Fat Gym-Dandy Spa and— *gasps*
What’s going on in here? *stares at all vigorous activity*
GIRL: *sitting at desk filing her nails*
Hey, fella. Don’t just stand there. Time to get toned and tanned.
NOSEY: *glances around*
Who’re you talking to?
GIRL: *raises brows*
If anyone needs to sign up for Rocky Rolls’ Sweat’em and Deck’em Marathon,
NOSEY: Marathon? Me?…*points
to himself* Uhhh… as in, um, you don’t mean…er, exercise?
GIRL: Yeah, what’s the
matter? *pops bubblegum* You never heard the word before?
NOSEY: The ‘word’, as you put
it, does not apply to me. *puffs out chest* Feast on this fine
specimen of male eye candy.
GIRL: Puhlese! *gestures
at Nosey’s middle* Maybe you better feast your eyes on your own pouches.
NOSEY: For your information,
kid, that’s merely what makes me so magnetic.
GIRL: *rolls eyes*
*Woman jogs over and grabs Nosey’s elbow*
Did I hear you say you’re the official unofficial internet reporter?
NOSEY: Drew you over like a
marshmallow to a bonfire, eh? *grins
atgirl* What’d I tell ya? This Nose attracts all the babes.
WOMAN: Babe? *glances from
girl back to Nosey* Hm. Maybe I ought to introduce myself. I’m Julie
Elizabeth Powell. C’mon. *pulls Nosey downaisle* We’ll have our
interview in my regular spot.
NOSEY: Your spot? Ooh la la.
Sounds kinda cool, heh heh, and— holy Jill Michaels! *gapes at two
gym-attired girlies as they stroll by. Nosey’s jawdrops and he releases
shrill whistle*Helloooo, dolls. *smoothes back hairwith
fast hand* Ahem. I could get to, ya know, sorta liking this place, heh heh.
JEP: Glad to hear it. So,
then, can I… *pushes Nosey onto treadmill* sign you up for a membership?
NOSEY: Membership? *cranes
neck to watch disappearing girlies* For what?
JEP: For my referral
NOSEY: I’m included with a
bonus? Heh heh, this place has class, after all.
JEP: On second thought… *winces*
With you, I’d probably only make about three cents.
NOSEY: Say, I’d go fast at
JEP: *coughs* Whatever.
NOSEY: Hey! *jerks back as
JEP straps a belt around Nosey*
JEP: Be still! *pushes
NOSEY: Whoa, horsey, stop! *legs
gallop at lightning speed* Lady, I’m a Pukelitzer Award winning journalist,
not a Kentucky Derby jockey!
JEP: Gimme a break. *snorts*
It’s only a ‘baby crawl’ speed. Here. *clicksgear* Now you’re at
‘snail pace’. Better?
NOSEY: I, uh… *pants*
I’ll take a message and… *gulps* get back to ya.
JEP: I’ll be right here. *jumps
on 2nd treadmill beside Nosey and races at‘melting legs’ speed*
Let’s discuss my book, ‘Misadventures of Fat Woman’.
NOSEY: Where… *puffs*
Where is she?
NOSEY: You know… *swipes
back of hand across brow* Fatwoman.
JEP: That’s just the title
of my book.
NOSEY: Uh huh. So. *gives
labored breath* Ya got a blurb to go with that title?
JEP: *propeller legs zip right along, leaving
Nosey behind in virtual smokecloud* You betcha. Andi has
always been anxious about her weight and like many women, thinks that unless
she is thin, she has no value.
*silence…except for wheezing and moaning*
*silence…except for running, sprinting, and pressing treadmill accelerator va
*silence…except for wheezing and moaning*
*silence…except for — well, more of the above*
JEP: *whistles* Yeah! I just read those last four lines.
NOSEY: Well, then you gotta see… *loosens
tie* I, like, really need that blurb.
JEP: I told you already.
NOSEY: What? When?
JEP: Didn’t you hear? My blurb is: ‘Andi
has always been anxious about her weight and like many women, thinks that
unless she is thin, she has no value’.
NOSEY: *frowns* Call that a blurb?
JEP: Of course.
JEP: *shrugs* Blurbs are an odd creation; authors can
either give away the whole plot, or be obscure to the point of ‘what is this’,
or like me, can highlight the point of the book.
NOSEY: Yeah, but—
JEP: In this case, Andi and her weight and how
she feels about it. Not all of my blurbs are as short, but, as with all of my
writing, it’s finished when my mind says it is.
NOSEY: Yeah, but—
JEP: You know, Nosey. Like overworking a
painting, it’s counter-productive.
NOSEY: Yeah, but—
JEP: Besides… *grins* I don’t stick to
NOSEY: Don’t I know it!
How d’ya know?
NOSEY: By shoving me on this killing machine! *frantically
pressesdifferent buttons* Where’s the ‘off’ gizmo?
JEP: Aw, another minute or two will do you
NOSEY: Good? Good? *screeches* I’m
already good, lady. As in fabulous, fantastic, fit as any Hercules.
JEP: Really? Who says?
NOSEY: You gotta ask? My fan poster, that’s who.
JEP: *blinks in
What fan poster?
NOSEY: The one that reads ‘I’m the Man, and
Nothing but the Man’.
JEP: Wow. Where can I see that?
NOSEY: As if you don’t know. *snorts*
That’s the slogan for my Bleachy Blonde fan club.
JEP: *giggles* Ah, I see. Well, a little exercise won’t
hurt, Nosey. *gesturesat his middle* There are a few
protective hand to cover bulge* Don’t get personal.
ha! Are you feeling insecure,
Nosey? Doesn’t this prove that everyone
has an Achilles’ heel?
NOSEY: Whaddaya mean? Who’s
JEP: What I mean is, I do
believe that fat people get the rough end of the stick because they are thought
to be at fault - completely.
NOSEY: Well, maybe, but—
JEP: I never judge a book
by its cover, as they say, but I hope that folks like the cover of Misadventures Of Fatwoman enough to give
it a try – yep, and laugh away the gloom.
NOSEY: *winded* Uh huh, but—
JEP: I do think that it’s a
relatable book, where many women - and possibly men - will recognize the very
real situations and sensations, and I hope it helps their battle!
*Macho muscular man with strong corded biceps and
glistening muscles straining at T-shirt and mountains of muscles stacked on top
of skyscraping muscles and - uh oh, said that already - well, anyway this
really terrific dude strides up*
MAN: Julie, who’s your
guest? *gazes Nosey up and down*
JEP: My interviewer, I.B.
Nosey. Nosey, meet Rocky Rolls, trainer.
RR: *sneers* He’s gonna take
a lot of work.
NOSEY: Fat lot you know, pal.
*wheezes* I’m not taking any work, I’m at work.
RR: Well, you’ll be glad
to hear that it’s your lucky day, man. You can sign up gratis for my class.
NOSEY: I’m not here for
JEP: Er, Nosey, he means—
NOSEY: Anyway, I wouldn’t
sign up for nothing even if you offered it for free.
JEP: Ahem. *chuckles*
Don’t you like a good value, Nosey?
NOSEY: Huh uh. Nope. Not
interested. Uhhh… whad’ya mean?
JEP: Isn’t it obvious? I
think most of the Western world is aware of image, especially that of women. The
media’s constantly spouting how women should look and it’s certainly filtered
to men too.…
NOSEY: What’re ya talking
about including men? *gets indignant* In case you haven’t noticed, my
image is hunky good.
JEP: Hm. Be that as it may,
all I’m saying is that I only know about how I feel as a woman. Someone once
said that you can never be too rich or too thin - and that is constantly
bombarded throughout the lives of women.
NOSEY: Yeah. So, what’s your
JEP: So, appreciate value,
because consider. Andi believes she has no value because - in this case - she
is fat…as this book is about weight and not money.
NOSEY: Uh huh. *looks
around and whispers* It’s not about Gum Drop Island chocolates, right?
RR: *scowls* I heard that.
Wait a minute, you two. This is a health club! Are you smuggling in little
nasties? *eyes narrow* And I know how you’re doing it. Stashing ‘em in
the tip of that weirdly glowing microphone, right? *grabs at Nosey’s
NOSEY: This is the one, the
original, the only atomic battery microphone, and— it belongs to me!
RR: Something’s… *frowns
and shakes mike* fishy with this thing.
NOSEY: I dropped a slice of
anchovy pizza on it. *snatches mike back* Do you mind?
JEP: Er, it’s nothing, RR.
Really. *leans closer to Nosey* So you know, huh?
NOSEY: Yeah, I… *gulps*
B-b-but Andi didn’t - did she?
JEP: *nods* I’m afraid it’s
true. She’s eaten 25 boxes of Gum Drop Island chocolates every day!
NOSEY: *grips microphone tighter*
But they don’t cause weight gain! Honest! They can’t!
JEP: Of course not! Don’t you think I know that each delicious
bite of Gum Drop Island candy is virtually calorie-free — seeing as how it’s
only virtual, I mean.
NOSEY: Uhhh… say that again.
JEP: There’s no need,
Nosey, because she even states the kinds of things she eats, but enjoys what
are considered no-nos, such as cake - and on her, one bite can add pounds! However, no matter how hard she tries, the
weight sticks to her like a nappy on a sumo-wrestler.
NOSEY: A - a nappy? Oh, you
mean… *clutches stomach* Man, I gotta stop this merry-go-round ride.
JEP: Oops, sorry. Probably
a bad analogy, but really, the point I’m making is that even if she could be
her ‘ideal’ weight, she’d forever think of herself as ugly. It becomes engrained.
NOSEY: I know the world is in
love with Gum Drop Island candy, but for someone to chow down on 25 boxes—
JEP: Andi’s not in love
with the candy, Nosey. *laughs* She already has a romance in her life.
NOSEY: I know that.
JEP: You do?
NOSEY: Sure. She’s asked to
be president of my fan club. *smirks* That gal’s head over heels for me.
JEP: Let me see if I can
put this delicately… I’m sure she would be, Nosey, but I think her husband
would have something to say about that.
NOSEY: *blinks in alarm*
Whoa, that could turn into an ‘ouchy’ situation.
JEP: Possibly, but I can’t
say too much because it would spoil the plot. Nevertheless, she’s been through
a terrible time. Ray is her second husband, the first disaster being attached
to her insecurities and weight; therefore, she has trouble believing anyone
could love her.
NOSEY: I gotta tell ya, Ms.
Powell… *exhales* this is one wild, different kind of story and— uh, not
to mention seasick treadmills.
JEP: Well, here. *chuckles*
Let me slow it down even more. *switchesgear* My six hours is
about up, anyway.
NOSEY: Six hours! You ride
this thing that long?
JEP: How else do you think
I stay in shape?
NOSEY: Why do you bother? *gestures
wildly* You’re already so dynamic looking.
JEP: Oh, thank you, Nosey. *flutters
lashes* But what do you think inspired me to become like this?
NOSEY: *scratches head*
I dunno. You tell me.
JEP: Andi’s story.
JEP: Yes! I’ve battled with
weight problems all my life. Even as a child -although, when I look at those
pictures I wasn’t fat at all. It’s
strange how the opinions of others can defeat us and make us think we are of no
NOSEY: Well, yeah, I guess,
JEP: That sea-saw through
life inspired me to write about the feelings involved, although it had to be
done using humor. It’s the only way to beat the negative, and is a wonderful
NOSEY: It is?
JEP: Uh huh. Because if you
don’t laugh at such things then you’d break down – or smash folks in the face
with that cream cake.
*Gals wearing boxing gloves hurry up to RR*
GAL ONE: Rocky, we got a
problem. Hammer-Hand Hannah destroyed the last punching bag. What’re we gonna
HHH: I’m in adrenalin
overdrive. *gloved fists punch air* Gotta slug something, gotta knock
out something! Pow! Pow!
GAL ONE: Easy, Hannah. Rocky’ll
come up with an idea. Won’t ya, Rock?
RR: Absolutely. *gives
sly grin* And it’s right here. *grabs Nosey andhoists him up*
Brand new punching bag, Hannah. Go to it! *RR’s iron grip squeezes Nosey in
a not-so-cuddly hug*
GAL ONE: Lookit, Rocky. His
pouches! *points at Nosey’s middle* They’re bursting open!
HHH: And what d’ya know?
They’re crammed with Gum Drop Island candy. *licks lips*
RR: *snarls* I knew
something was rotten with this guy! *drops Nosey and he falls -splat!-
against mounds of glistening Gum Drop Island chocolate*
GALS: Whoo hoo! Let’s dive
in! *moves to gobble up Nosey’s horde*
RR: Keep away! Didn’t you
hear JEP? Andi ate 25 boxes a day and now she’s called Misadventures of
GAL ONE: *counters*
Didn’t you listen? JEP also said these yummy babies are ‘virtually
NOSEY: And not only that… *leaps
to feet* They’re mine! *brushes downsides of blazer*
Sheesh, can’t a guy keep his dessert private anymore?
HHH: No, a guy can’t.
*shakes fist under Nosey’s jaw* You’re sharing them, fella!
NOSEY: Ahhh… *nervous
chuckle* I don’t think so! *snatches up candy in one single swipe… (dear
reader, if you’re a regular visitor to this blog, you know he has lots of
practice doing this)… and makes a ‘clean’ getaway by fleeing stage left*
HHH: And what are we gonna
do, people? *shouts to everyone in room*
CROWD: *roars* That candy’s ours!
*en-masse, they torpedo behind Nosey in one wild-eyed, crazed, give-me-my-Gum-Drop-Island-mouth-drooling
hot footed pursuit*
JEP: But, Nosey! *calls
out* I wanted to thank you and everyone who reads my books. You can’t leave
NOSEY: Sorry, Ms. Powell. *voice
fades in distance* But I don’t let nobody steal nothing from this
RR: Ha! Then how come I… *raises objectabove head in victory stance* have your atomic-anchovy microphone!