Julie Elizabeth Powell Sweats Out an Interview with I.B. Nosey

NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter! Today I’m at the threshold of Chew the Fat Gym-Dandy Spa and— *gasps* What’s going on in here? *stares at all vigorous activity*

GIRL: *sitting at desk filing her nails* Hey, fella. Don’t just stand there. Time to get toned and tanned.

NOSEY: *glances around* Who’re you talking to?

GIRL: *raises brows* If anyone needs to sign up for Rocky Rolls’ Sweat’em and Deck’em Marathon, it’s you.

NOSEY: Marathon? Me?…*points to himself* Uhhh… as in, um, you don’t mean…er, exercise?

GIRL: Yeah, what’s the matter? *pops bubblegum* You never heard the word before?

NOSEY: The ‘word’, as you put it, does not apply to me. *puffs out chest* Feast on this fine specimen of male eye candy.

GIRL: Puhlese! *gestures at Nosey’s middle* Maybe you better feast your eyes on your own pouches.

NOSEY: For your information, kid, that’s merely what makes me so magnetic.

GIRL: *rolls eyes* Ugh!

*Woman jogs over and grabs Nosey’s elbow* Did I hear you say you’re the official unofficial internet reporter?

NOSEY: Drew you over like a marshmallow to a bonfire, eh?  *grins at girl* What’d I tell ya? This Nose attracts all the babes.

WOMAN: Babe? *glances from girl back to Nosey* Hm. Maybe I ought to introduce myself. I’m Julie Elizabeth Powell. C’mon. *pulls Nosey down aisle* We’ll have our interview in my regular spot.

NOSEY: Your spot? Ooh la la. Sounds kinda cool, heh heh, and— holy Jill Michaels! *gapes at two gym-attired girlies as they stroll by. Nosey’s jaw drops and he releases shrill whistle* Helloooo, dolls. *smoothes back hair with fast hand* Ahem. I could get to, ya know, sorta liking this place, heh heh.

JEP: Glad to hear it. So, then, can I… *pushes Nosey onto treadmill* sign you up for a membership?

NOSEY: Membership? *cranes neck to watch disappearing girlies* For what?

JEP: For my referral bonus. 

NOSEY: I’m included with a bonus? Heh heh, this place has class, after all.

JEP: On second thought… *winces* With you, I’d probably only make about three cents.

NOSEY: Say, I’d go fast at that price.

JEP: *coughs* Whatever.

NOSEY: Hey! *jerks back as JEP straps a belt around Nosey*

JEP: Be still! *pushes ‘on’ button*

NOSEY: Whoa, horsey, stop! *legs gallop at lightning speed* Lady, I’m a Pukelitzer Award winning journalist, not a Kentucky Derby jockey!

JEP: Gimme a break. *snorts* It’s only a ‘baby crawl’ speed. Here. *clicks gear* Now you’re at ‘snail pace’. Better?

NOSEY: I, uh… *pants* I’ll take a message and… *gulps* get back to ya.

JEP: I’ll be right here. *jumps on 2nd treadmill beside Nosey and races at ‘melting legs’ speed* Let’s discuss my book, ‘Misadventures of Fat Woman’.

NOSEY: Where… *puffs* Where is she?

JEP: Who?

NOSEY: You know… *swipes back of hand across brow* Fatwoman.

JEP: That’s just the title of my book.

NOSEY: Uh huh. So. *gives labored breath* Ya got a blurb to go with that title?

JEP: *propeller legs zip right along, leaving Nosey behind in virtual smokecloud* You betcha. Andi has always been anxious about her weight and like many women, thinks that unless she is thin, she has no value. 

NOSEY: *silence…except for wheezing and moaning*

JEP: *silence…except for running, sprinting, and pressing treadmill accelerator va va voom!*

NOSEY: *silence…except for wheezing and moaning*

JEP: *silence…except for — well, more of the above*

NOSEY: Hey, lady. *gives pained look at JEP* I’m dying here.

JEP: *whistles* Yeah! I just read those last four lines.

NOSEY: Well, then you gotta see… *loosens tie* I, like, really need that blurb.

JEP: I told you already.

NOSEY: What? When?

JEP: Didn’t you hear? My blurb is: ‘Andi has always been anxious about her weight and like many women, thinks that unless she is thin, she has no value’. 

NOSEY: *frowns* Call that a blurb?

JEP: Of course.

NOSEY: *shakes head* Too skinny.

JEP: *shrugs* Blurbs are an odd creation; authors can either give away the whole plot, or be obscure to the point of ‘what is this’, or like me, can highlight the point of the book.

NOSEY: Yeah, but—

JEP: In this case, Andi and her weight and how she feels about it. Not all of my blurbs are as short, but, as with all of my writing, it’s finished when my mind says it is.

NOSEY: Yeah, but—

JEP: You know, Nosey. Like overworking a painting, it’s counter-productive.

NOSEY: Yeah, but—

JEP: Besides… *grins* I don’t stick to rules.

NOSEY: Don’t I know it!

JEP: *arches brow* How d’ya know?

NOSEY: By shoving me on this killing machine! *frantically presses different buttons* Where’s the ‘off’ gizmo?

JEP: Aw, another minute or two will do you good.

NOSEY: Good? Good? *screeches* I’m already good, lady. As in fabulous, fantastic, fit as any Hercules.

JEP: Really? Who says?

NOSEY: You gotta ask? My fan poster, that’s who.

JEP: *blinks in surprise* What fan poster?

NOSEY: The one that reads ‘I’m the Man, and Nothing but the Man’.

JEP: Wow. Where can I see that?

NOSEY: As if you don’t know. *snorts* That’s the slogan for my Bleachy Blonde fan club. 

JEP: *giggles* Ah, I see. Well, a little exercise won’t hurt, Nosey. *gestures at his middle* There are a few rolls showing.

NOSEY: *slaps protective hand to cover bulge* Don’t get personal.

JEP:  Ha, ha!  Are you feeling insecure, Nosey?  Doesn’t this prove that everyone has an Achilles’ heel?

NOSEY: Whaddaya mean? Who’s R. Killies?

JEP: What I mean is, I do believe that fat people get the rough end of the stick because they are thought to be at fault - completely.

NOSEY: Well, maybe, but—

JEP: I never judge a book by its cover, as they say, but I hope that folks like the cover of Misadventures Of Fatwoman enough to give it a try – yep, and laugh away the gloom.

NOSEY: *winded* Uh huh, but—

JEP: I do think that it’s a relatable book, where many women - and possibly men - will recognize the very real situations and sensations, and I hope it helps their battle!

*Macho muscular man with strong corded biceps and glistening muscles straining at T-shirt and mountains of muscles stacked on top of skyscraping muscles and - uh oh, said that already - well, anyway this really terrific dude strides up*

MAN: Julie, who’s your guest? *gazes Nosey up and down*

JEP: My interviewer, I.B. Nosey. Nosey, meet Rocky Rolls, trainer.

RR: *sneers* He’s gonna take a lot of work.

NOSEY: Fat lot you know, pal. *wheezes* I’m not taking any work, I’m at work. 

RR: Well, you’ll be glad to hear that it’s your lucky day, man. You can sign up gratis for my class.

NOSEY: I’m not here for school.

JEP: Er, Nosey, he means—

NOSEY: Anyway, I wouldn’t sign up for nothing even if you offered it for free.

JEP: Ahem. *chuckles* Don’t you like a good value, Nosey?

NOSEY: Huh uh. Nope. Not interested. Uhhh… whad’ya mean?

JEP: Isn’t it obvious? I think most of the Western world is aware of image, especially that of women. The media’s constantly spouting how women should look and it’s certainly filtered to men too.…

NOSEY: What’re ya talking about including men? *gets indignant* In case you haven’t noticed, my image is hunky good.

RR: *sniggers*

JEP: Hm. Be that as it may, all I’m saying is that I only know about how I feel as a woman. Someone once said that you can never be too rich or too thin - and that is constantly bombarded throughout the lives of women.

NOSEY: Yeah. So, what’s your point?

JEP: So, appreciate value, because consider. Andi believes she has no value because - in this case - she is fat…as this book is about weight and not money.

NOSEY: Uh huh. *looks around and whispers* It’s not about Gum Drop Island chocolates, right?

RR: *scowls* I heard that. Wait a minute, you two. This is a health club! Are you smuggling in little nasties? *eyes narrow* And I know how you’re doing it. Stashing ‘em in the tip of that weirdly glowing microphone, right? *grabs at Nosey’s microphone*

NOSEY: This is the one, the original, the only atomic battery microphone, and— it belongs to me!

RR: Something’s… *frowns and shakes mike* fishy with this thing.

NOSEY: I dropped a slice of anchovy pizza on it. *snatches mike back* Do you mind?

JEP: Er, it’s nothing, RR. Really. *leans closer to Nosey* So you know, huh?

NOSEY: Yeah, I… *gulps* B-b-but Andi didn’t - did she?

JEP: *nods* I’m afraid it’s true. She’s eaten 25 boxes of Gum Drop Island chocolates every day!

NOSEY: *grips microphone tighter* But they don’t cause weight gain! Honest! They can’t!

JEP: Of course not!  Don’t you think I know that each delicious bite of Gum Drop Island candy is virtually calorie-free — seeing as how it’s only virtual, I mean.

NOSEY: Uhhh… say that again.

JEP: There’s no need, Nosey, because she even states the kinds of things she eats, but enjoys what are considered no-nos, such as cake - and on her, one bite can add pounds!  However, no matter how hard she tries, the weight sticks to her like a nappy on a sumo-wrestler.

NOSEY: A - a nappy? Oh, you mean… *clutches stomach* Man, I gotta stop this merry-go-round ride.

JEP: Oops, sorry. Probably a bad analogy, but really, the point I’m making is that even if she could be her ‘ideal’ weight, she’d forever think of herself as ugly.  It becomes engrained. 

NOSEY: I know the world is in love with Gum Drop Island candy, but for someone to chow down on 25 boxes—

JEP: Andi’s not in love with the candy, Nosey. *laughs* She already has a romance in her life.

NOSEY: I know that.

JEP: You do?

NOSEY: Sure. She’s asked to be president of my fan club. *smirks* That gal’s head over heels for me.

JEP: Let me see if I can put this delicately… I’m sure she would be, Nosey, but I think her husband would have something to say about that.

NOSEY: *blinks in alarm* Whoa, that could turn into an ‘ouchy’ situation.

JEP: Possibly, but I can’t say too much because it would spoil the plot. Nevertheless, she’s been through a terrible time. Ray is her second husband, the first disaster being attached to her insecurities and weight; therefore, she has trouble believing anyone could love her.

NOSEY: I gotta tell ya, Ms. Powell… *exhales* this is one wild, different kind of story and— uh, not to mention seasick treadmills.

JEP: Well, here. *chuckles* Let me slow it down even more. *switches gear* My six hours is about up, anyway.

NOSEY: Six hours! You ride this thing that long?

JEP: How else do you think I stay in shape?

NOSEY: Why do you bother? *gestures wildly* You’re already so dynamic looking.

JEP: Oh, thank you, Nosey. *flutters lashes* But what do you think inspired me to become like this?

NOSEY: *scratches head* I dunno. You tell me.

JEP: Andi’s story.

NOSEY: Huh?

JEP: Yes! I’ve battled with weight problems all my life. Even as a child -although, when I look at those pictures I wasn’t fat at all.  It’s strange how the opinions of others can defeat us and make us think we are of no value.

NOSEY: Well, yeah, I guess, but—

JEP: That sea-saw through life inspired me to write about the feelings involved, although it had to be done using humor. It’s the only way to beat the negative, and is a wonderful shield.

NOSEY: It is?

JEP: Uh huh. Because if you don’t laugh at such things then you’d break down – or smash folks in the face with that cream cake.

*Gals wearing boxing gloves hurry up to RR*

GAL ONE: Rocky, we got a problem. Hammer-Hand Hannah destroyed the last punching bag. What’re we gonna do?

HHH: I’m in adrenalin overdrive. *gloved fists punch air* Gotta slug something, gotta knock out something! Pow! Pow!

GAL ONE: Easy, Hannah. Rocky’ll come up with an idea. Won’t ya, Rock?

RR: Absolutely. *gives sly grin* And it’s right here. *grabs Nosey and hoists him up* Brand new punching bag, Hannah. Go to it! *RR’s iron grip squeezes Nosey in a not-so-cuddly hug*

GAL ONE: Lookit, Rocky. His pouches! *points at Nosey’s middle* They’re bursting open!

HHH: And what d’ya know? They’re  crammed with Gum Drop Island candy. *licks lips* 

RR: *snarls* I knew something was rotten with this guy! *drops Nosey and he falls -splat!- against mounds of glistening Gum Drop Island chocolate*

GALS: Whoo hoo! Let’s dive in! *moves to gobble up Nosey’s horde*

RR: Keep away! Didn’t you hear JEP? Andi ate 25 boxes a day and now she’s called Misadventures of Fatwoman.

GAL ONE: *counters* Didn’t you listen? JEP also said these yummy babies are ‘virtually calorie-free’.

NOSEY: And not only that… *leaps to feet* They’re mine! *brushes down sides of blazer* Sheesh, can’t a guy keep his dessert private anymore?

HHH: No, a guy can’t. *shakes fist under Nosey’s jaw* You’re sharing them, fella!  

NOSEY: Ahhh… *nervous chuckle* I don’t think so! *snatches up candy in one single swipe… (dear reader, if you’re a regular visitor to this blog, you know he has lots of practice doing this)… and makes a ‘clean’ getaway by fleeing stage left*

HHH: And what are we gonna do, people? *shouts to everyone in room*

CROWD: *roars* That candy’s ours! *en-masse, they torpedo behind Nosey in one wild-eyed, crazed, give-me-my-Gum-Drop-Island-mouth-drooling hot footed pursuit*

JEP: But, Nosey! *calls out* I wanted to thank you and everyone who reads my books. You can’t leave now!

NOSEY: Sorry, Ms. Powell. *voice fades in distance* But I don’t let nobody steal nothing from this reporter! 

RR: Ha! Then how come I… *raises object above head in victory stance* have your atomic-anchovy microphone!

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If you enjoyed this interview, schedule your own! Contact Nosey via the Form on the left hand side of this site!

Cindy K. Green Orchestrates an Interview with I.B. Nosey

NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter! Today I’m coming to you from the music room of… Aack! *covers ears as loud drum noise beats against…well, his own ear drums*

NOSEY: Hey!

*Crowd of teenage chatter smothers Nosey’s outcry*

NOSEY: Hey! I’m I.B. Nosey! *teens continue to yak and to tune instruments. Nosey blinks* Wassa matter with you all? Don’t ‘cha know I’m the only Pukelitzer Award winning journalist and that I’m here to make your day? *waves arms* Hey, I’m talkin’ to you! *Kids stop and stare*

BOY: *eyes widen* Is that the new maestro?

GIRL: Dressed like that? *sniggers*

*Kids approach*

BOY: Man, whadda’ya call this? *fingers sleeve of Nosey’s blazer*

GIRL: Or this tangled bunch of broomstraw? *clenches fist in Nosey’s hair*

2nd BOY: Nice pair of shades, maestro. *taps on lens of Nosey’s glasses*

2nd GIRL: That’s a funny looking baton. *snatches Nosey’s microphone*

NOSEY: Gimme that! *grabs microphone back*

BOY: Hold on. There’s something in his pocket… *reaches for closer look*

NOSEY: Do I know you? *slaps protective hand against blazer*

GIRL: Hmm. *winks at boy* How about we introduce ourselves?

*Together, kids jump on Nosey. He screams* Help! Help! Handsome, cool and suave reporter in need of backup! Like… now would be good!

[And right on cue pan scene to stage left]

WOMAN: *enters* What? Again, Nosey? *clucks tongue* Can’t you go anywhere without creating a riot? *pulls kids off*

NOSEY: Uhhh… who are you?

WOMAN: Hellooo! *plants hands on hips* Didn’t you read the fourth line up? I’m your rescuing help and I arrived right on my cue. *flips hair* As any good female superhero would do.

GIRL: Why’re you helping him? Can’t he take care of himself?

NOSEY: *snarls* Don’t get nosy, gal. That’s my job.

BOY: Aw, all we’re doing is having fun.

WOMAN: *arches brow* You looked more like screaming fans to me.

GIRL: Fans? *makes face* Of his?

NOSEY: You heard right, girlie. *smirks* I’m the hottest heart throb in all the internet.

BOY: *sneers* In your dreams.

NOSEY: Or even night— er, um, that is… *clears throat*

WOMAN: Okay, run along, kids. Nosey’s here to interview me about my book Andrea and the 5-Day Challenge.

NOSEY: Oh, I get it! *snaps fingers* You’re Ms. Cindy Green?

CG: Like, duh, Nosey. *rolls eyes* I’m surprised you remember my name since… *hesitates* you obviously get lost at following directions.

NOSEY: Whaddaya mean? I’m a professional, lady. I always do everything right… uh, usually.

CG: Uh huh. *gives dismissive wave to kids who saunter away* So how come you wound up in this high school music room?

NOSEY: ‘Cause you said to meet Julie Aard. *peers at kids* Is one of them girls Julie?

CG: Not to meet, Nosey, meet at. And it’s Julliard. That’s— *closes eyes and winces* I was warned about you. Not once, not twice, but thrice. But I? Noooo, I just wouldn’t believe the talk.

NOSEY: Ladies talking me up, huh? *puffs out chest* Yeah, I’m famed for that.

CG: *mutters* What have I gotten myself into? Oh, well, here goes. *fishes book out of knapsack* This is my newest release. How do you like the cover?

NOSEY: Heeey, now that’s a cover! Says on here a five day challenge? What’s— *shrieks at screeching note of tuba blowing* Holy foghorn! Where’s the tug boat?

CG: Nosey, you stay right here. *grips Nosey’s elbow* If I’m going through with this interview, then so are you.

NOSEY: But—

CG: If you run off, you’re liable to disappear to the moon!

NOSEY: Er, some folks think I’m there already.

CG: Calm down, Nosey. Just calm down. *straightens Nosey’s tie* Let’s begin our ‘professional’ interview, shall we? Is your atomic battery microphone turned on?

NOSEY: When it glows like this? Sure… um, I mean… uh oh. *stares at mike* Whoa, it’s really sparkling.

CG: Ah, keep it aimed your way, Nosey, while I read the blurb, hm? *turns book over* My book is ‘Andrea and the 5-Day Challenge’ and the blurb reads: ‘Dear Lord, I need Your help and sooner would be better than later. Wouldn’t you know it, just as soon as I decide to attempt the 5-Day Bible Study Challenge, my parents start heaping on loads of pressure to get me into Julliard…’

NOSEY: See…*nods*…I told ya we had to meet Julie Aard.

CG: Hush, Nosey, I’m reading. *begins again:*  ‘My friend Amy isn’t any better, urging me to ask Luke Ryan to homecoming. As if the cute, transfer jock would actually go out with me. I mean, we’re kinda friends, and I’ve enjoyed our Geometry study sessions, but in case Amy hasn’t noticed, I’m the invisible one at…’

NOSEY: *gasps* You mean we can’t see her?

CG: Quiet, Nosey, I’m busy. *proceeds*: ‘I’m the invisible one at Aubrey Christian Academy, and I like it that way. On top of that, I have a feeling Luke’s concealing something behind those chocolate-brown eyes of his…’

NOSEY: For real? Chocolate eyes? *whistles in wonder*

CG: Chocolate-brown eyes, yes, but… Listen to what else I’m saying, will you? *continues*: ‘I know I can be self-centered and a bit melodramatic, but I really do want to seek Your will for my life. Then maybe I’ll even figure out which direction points up…’

NOSEY: Well, if you ask me—

CG: *slaps hand over Nosey’s mouth* Let me finish with: ‘Sincerely, Andrea Jamision, High School Junior, Change-o-phobic & complete neurotic’ *smiles* There. That’s the whole blurb.

NOSEY: Mmm mmm mmm…*mumbles*

CG: What? Oh. *removes hand* Now, tell me, Nosey. Isn’t that the most beautiful blurb you’ve ever…*blinks* Why are you frowning?

NOSEY: Because you’ve butted in on Andrea’s privacy, yeah.

CG: Me? Heavens no, Nosey.

NOSEY: Don’t deny it. Sheesh, you authors! *throws up hands* You think you get all the rights and privileges, eh?

CG: As to what, exactly?

NOSEY: Andrea, who else? The little girl writes a letter, right, a personal one, and what makes you think you can use that as a blurb, I’d like to know.

CG: Remarkable. *stares* I have to say that’s astute of you to notice, Nosey.

NOSEY: Nothing gets by this nose, heh heh. Um — what’s a stoot?

CG: Let me just say that I, as the author, did write out a traditional blurb, but it just wouldn’t do.

NOSEY: Nope?

CG: Nope. So I asked Andrea if I could use her letter instead. What better way to introduce the story than for Andrea to share her thoughts herself.

NOSEY: You asked her, huh?

CG: I did.

NOSEY: *suspicious* Well, just to be sure, I think I’m gonna ask… *looks around room* Where is she? *lowers voice* She’s not, ya know, being invisible, is she?

CG: Well… *shrugs* Admit it, Nosey. Don’t we all feel a little invisible some of the time?

NOSEY: Uhhh…

CG: And Andrea likes blending into the crowd. It’s easier than stepping outside her comfort zone.

NOSEY: But—

CG: You see, she considers herself to be the least interesting of her group of friends.

NOSEY: But—

CG: She isn’t smart like Amy or artistic like Angie or beautiful and popular like Alisha.

NOSEY: But—

CG: She sees herself as that girl with the plain brown hair, size nine feet, and who doesn’t participate much in school activities.

NOSEY: Size nine feet! Holy penny loafers, can you blame her? Although… *strokes chin in considering gesture*… I just wonder…

CG: Yes?

NOSEY: Which way do they point?

CG: Excuse me?

NOSEY: Yeah, you said she wanted to find which direction ‘pointed up’. So, like, do those size nines show her the way?

CG: *giggles* As to that, you’ll just have to read her book.

NOSEY: Aw, why can’t you tell me now? Huh? Huh, can’t you? Do I really gotta wait?

CG: Yes, you do! However… *relents* Well, I can say that things do turn a bit disastrous for a while and it seems she’ll never make it right but God has a way of turning things around.

*Trumpet notes blasts the air. Nosey leaps and plasters himself against wall*

NOSEY: Yikes! Call the calvary! I think things are getting disastrous in here!

CG: You know… *surveys kids with thoughtful gaze* I have a feeling they’re almost through warming up their instruments. You might should move along in the interview. Next question?

NOSEY: Sure. Sure, I have one. *eyes kids warily* It’s that Luke fella. I’d like to know—

CG: Oh, Luke, he’s the cute transfer student from California. *wears dreamy expression* He might be an all-star varsity baseball player, but he’s not like the rest of the A-list kids.

NOSEY: Uh huh, but—

CG: He’s very down to earth and not looking for what’s popular and cool.

NOSEY: Uh huh, but—

CG: He sees something special in Andrea that others have missed.

NOSEY: Uh huh, but—

CG: She has value and when they get together they just kind of have that spark.

NOSEY: Spark, is it? Where? In his eyes? Uh huh, that’s what I wanna say. You claimed he concealed something behind his ‘chocolate brown eyes’. Well, I bet I know just what he’s concealing!

CG: *gasps* Really? What?

NOSEY: He’s stolen a whole gift bag of Gum Drop Island goodies, right?

CG: *grins* You guessed it! Luke is full of all kinds of surprises.

NOSEY: Ha! Didn’t surprise me none. Guys with brown eyes, they’re sneaky, you know.

CG: You have brown eyes, Nosey.

NOSEY: Uhhh…

CG: Seriously, though, he’s had to mature quickly. His family life is not the greatest. They’ve experienced a personal tragedy, and that’s part of the reason why he latches onto Andrea early on.

NOSEY: Uh oh. *shakes microphone* Might be a real tragedy here too. Battery’s draining low on atomic power.

CG: How is that possible?

NOSEY: You’re asking me?

CG: Ahem. Of course. What should we do now?

NOSEY: *brightens* I have a great idea.

CG: Good. Let’s hear it.

NOSEY: How about I sign a trillion fan photos of me and you take ‘em back to all your readers—

CG: Nothing doing.

NOSEY: Okay, how about I sign a million—

CG: No way.

NOSEY: Er, a thousand?

CG: No.

NOSEY: Hundred?

CG: *glares*

NOSEY: Ten?

CG: Not even one.

NOSEY: C’mon! Don’t you want a picture of my masculine manliness to carry in your wallet? *slants face for better [cough, cough] view of profile*

CG: I’ll tell you precisely what I want, Nosey.

NOSEY: Yeah? *runs tip of finger around ear and leans in closer* Lay it on me, girlie.

CG: It’s just this… I have a message for my readers.

NOSEY: Swell. We’re all ready for you to spill the beans.

CG: Okay. Here’s my message — I’d like for them to know that there’s a whole lot they can take away from this first book in the Aubrey Christian Academy series. First, I hope they see that reading can be fun and that there are some good wholesome and entertaining books out there.

NOSEY: Huh. Call that a message?

CG: Don’t you?

NOSEY: Not to me.

CG: Why not?

NOSEY: Because messages are, ya know, secret words written in morse code, pig latin or even Possumese.

CG: But I don’t want the message hidden, Nosey.

NOSEY: Sure ya do!

CG: No, I don’t. I want readers to take away the theme of this book which is looking outside of ourselves, our own problems and our own insecurities and doing what you can for others.

NOSEY: But—

CG: Nosey, it’s like this— just be that friend at the right time and the right place. I’m also hoping they love meeting Andrea, Amy, Angie and Alisha as much as I had creating them.

NOSEY: Well, if that’s how you wanna roll—

*Door bursts open and man strides inside*

MAESTRO: Ring-a-ding-a-ling, my little musical budding artists! Yes, it is I, the very one, the very only, the very favorite Maestro B. Flatt Sharp at your service!

*Kids gather around, swooning and exclaiming*

MAESTRO: Yes, enjoy me, for Maestro B. Flatt Sharp shall broaden your humble little dull minds into the jingly-jangly wonders of chords and keys and squawks and squeals and— Aack! *sees Nosey and throws arms across face* The Maestro B. Flatt Sharp is attacked! Attacked viciously! How can I conduct my very one, my very only, my very favorite masterpiece when I am faced with… that?

KIDS: *all clamor together* What is it, Maestro? Where? What can we do?

MAESTRO: It is there! *points quivering finger straight at…[pan scene up and down, around and around -- where is he??? Oh, uh huh, spotted crouching behind cello case]*

CG: Nosey! *whispers in aside* Take off that tweedy weedy blazer. It's insulting to the arts.

MAESTRO: *wails* Remove the sight from me! The Maestro B. Flatt Sharp’s very one, very only, very favorite brilliance is hindered by such monstrosity!

KIDS: *roar* Grab ‘im! C’mon!

*They charge toward Nosey and he leaps in the air, striking a high C note as he bolts for fire escape*

CG: Nosey, you chicken! Come back here and face the music!

NOSEY: Are you crazy, lady! *shouts over shoulder as he disappears down hallway* I’m making like Andrea and gonna get myself invisible quick!  

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Available at Amazon

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Visit Cindy's Website

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If you enjoyed this interview, schedule your own! Contact Nosey via the Form on the left hand side of this site!

Ahoy Gum Drop! for Your Ears

Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter. And do I have some news to report. 

What might it be?

Only that 'Ahoy Gum Drop!', the book that introduces -who else?- that incredible, fantastic, and sharpest dressed dude that ever graced cyberspace, heh heh, that's me, of course- is now available in sound. Stereo sound, even.

Have you wondered where it all began? Have you wondered why I continually report about the sweetness of Gum Drop Island? Have you wondered where my good looks come from?

Hey, who snickered?

Ahem. As I was saying...

Owen McCuen, narrator and the 'champion of make-pretend' will reveal the origins of not only my Pukelitzer Award winning self, but shares the extraordinary tale of some Mishaps who sailed from the shores of Gum Drop Island over to -um, er-- checking my notes, heh heh-- oh, yeah. They go Somewhere Else.

Hm. 

Where do they go? Well, if you're Feeling Nosey like me, you'll wanna listen and find out. So head your nose over to this link, (see below) and download your very own copy of 'Ahoy Gum Drop!' in audible. It'll make your ears happy!

Ahoy Gum Drop! in Audible

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Visit Owen McCuen on the web!

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EXTRA BONUS: Official unofficial launch party coming soon to Facebook. Clear your calendars and BE READY to attend!  

What the World Needs Now Is...

Greetings, cyber-world! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter. Today I'm reporting on some candid... that is in, like 'candy', get it? Heh heh. Ahem. As I was saying, I'm making a BIG announcement!

World, are you ready to hear about Gum Drop Island?!?

No, not with me and my microphone, though I know it's your dream. Heh heh.

Er, where was I?

Oh, yeah. Get ready to hear Gum Drop-- hm, think I said that.

Um... *checks notes* Here it is! Right. Get ready to hear, as in really, really hear. With your ears. With your head phones. With your volume turned up loud because -- Gum Drop Island is going audible!

No date for release is confirmed as yet but it's my understanding that the incredible Owen McCuen, the 'champion of make-pretend' who is narrating this delicious little tale, is stuffing his pockets full of a variety of tasties before his voyage aboard the Good Ship Sugar Daddy and sails back into The Real World. Sir O. Yuri Wiseguy-eh counted the edibles with a critical eye and claims Owen has packed enough sweet treats to last -- oh, maybe a month. Wow! Owen must have the deep pockets of a hungry kangaroo.

So, friends, Romans, and Womans, perk up your ears! 'Ahoy Gum Drop' is coming alive in SOUND to a speaker near you. Oh goody, goody gum drop!

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(Audible Cover)

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Many thanks to Owen McCuen. 

Visit him on Facebook.

Aren't You Feeling...Talky?

Announcing interviews with voice!!!

What? An I.B. Nosey interview - with voice?

That's right! I.B. Nosey speaks - and he can speak with you.

How, you ask? (and I'm glad you did, heh heh)

Well, for that bit of information, click on the page here that says "audible interviews available". 

Uh huh. If reading an I.B. Nosey interview is what makes your world go 'round, then an actual convo with this official unofficial reporter will make your world soar into supersonic overdrive.

As in "it's him! It's him! I'm really talking to I.B. Nosey!!"

Hey, I've entered the 21st century, people. I.B. Nosey does talkies now.

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