September 2019 and It's Time to Feel Insecure!

C'mon. If you're Feeling Nosey, you're Feeling Insecure too, right? Hey, you are Not. Alone. Whoa.

Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It's a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds.

September 4 question - If you could pick one place in the world to sit and write your next story, where would it be and why?

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NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter! I'll be your host today for the IWSG question and post, 'cause, like, ya know - this is my site and I'm the host anyway. Heh heh. So, for today's answer...hm, how about you? *points to guest* Where do you sit and write?

THORNY: Wherever I want, dude. Doubt me? *gives wicked grin*

NOSEY: *edges away* Eh, no, fella. I believe ya. Yeah, well, okay. Next writer, step up, please.

ANT COP: I can write in your egg salad, in your left over sardine sandwich, or even in your sweaty toe jam.

NOSEY: Cool! And what is it that you write?

ANT COP: My platoon spells these out: G.M.O.

NOSEY: *frowns* Er...okay. Yeah, let's see - that means Gee Me - no, wait. Uh, how's about Gim Me Oreos?

ANT COP: Get More Onions!

NOSEY: For real? *shakes head* I dunno. This is Insecure Writers Support, not a restaurant, pal. I kinda don't think that's what Alex is looking for. *bends down to whisper* He's the captain of a ninja, ya know. 

ANT COP: *strokes chin in thought* Ah. The Ninja Captain. I know where he eats lunch.

NOSEY: Uhhh.... *scoots away* Maybe I have time to ask one more insecure writer guest. Hey! You! *points again - yes, again, dear readers* What's your space to write in?

MAESTRO B FLATT SHARP: Mr. Nose, a gifted one such as I does not write. No, no, no. I hum. Yes, I hum - and I might a-one an' a-two - and I might...

NOSEY: *scowls* Okay. Okay. I get it. *scratches head in confusion* Anyone else got something to say?

HORSE: Whee neigh, whee neigh, Mistar Norsey. Hare ye be. *hooves over item*

NOSEY: A gift horse? Hey, that's real nice - *jumps away* Keep your apples, fella!

HORSE: Whee neigh, snort. Hit's ah fertoon kookie.

NOSEY: A -? Oh! A fortune cookie? Wow, that's a swell gift. Yeah! *breaks open and pulls out slip of paper to read:* From Miss Mae: Sorry, Alex. I don't have just one place to sit and write, as I grab the moment wherever I am when that moment to write grabs me.

NOSEY: *looks up* Hey, Alex. Did you understand any of that stuff she just said? *glances around* 'Cause, like, you know, from the look of things I kinda get the feeling she's busy at the Funny Farm this week.  

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A Totally Useless I.B. Nosey Moment

Did you know... ?

Cars were secretly invented by horses.

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This has been a totally useless I.B. Nosey moment.

Brought to you by our sponsor at Gum Drop Island...

Join us again soon for another totally useless moment.

Disclaimer: This has been an I.B. Nosey production, brought to you by the mischaps of Gum Drop Island. Not responsible for you feeling stupid, silly, clueless, or blond. However, we're glad you're Feeling Nosey.  

Cover Reveal!

Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter. Today I'm sharing a cover reveal of Ahoy, Gum Drop!, that delightfully deliciousness-ness tale where I'm 'introduced' to the public. Like a famed celebrity like me needs a formal introduction, right? Heh heh.

Anyway, Miss Mae decided (and about time too, if you ask me) that the old book needed a face lift, with some of our most adventuresome characters (illustrated by artist Patrick McCuen) gracing said face. Whoa. Check out Sir O. Yuri Wiseguy-eh, Heathcliff, and The Narrator. Pretty cool, huh? 

The new face lift (no, not mine. This handsome mug doesn't need any improvement, ya know) is now on all eBooks purchased from Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, Apple, and other digital retailers.

But, nope. Not on the print version. I'm still in black and white there. Sigh.

It might be a new cover, but inside the pages it's still the most unbelievable, wild, bizarre, and wackiness of stories you've ever read.

Oh, and did you know we're in Audible too? Heh heh.

You Gotta Meet These Characters!

Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter, bringing you the news that no one else will bring because no one else knows the news like this nosy reporter, heh heh.

You've heard me speak of Gum Drop Island, and it's come to my attention... wait, let me check my notes... oh yeah, heh heh, that was actually my past due bill for my latest shipment of Gum Drop Island chocolate... Er, *mutter, mutter* Here it is! My announcement card...

Yeah, I'm to introduce you to some of the characters you'll meet in the "Ahoy, Mischaps" series. Oh, you say you didn't know Gum Drop Island is now a series? What've you been doing? Living on Pluto? 'Cause you certainly haven't attended my latest Pukelitzer Prize Award dinner. If you had, you'd have known -- oh, you haven't attended any of my award dinners.

Hm.

Never fear. I'll reserve you a whole banquet table for my future dinners. Heh heh.

So, just a reminder of who'll you meet in these "Ahoy, Mischaps" series which begins with Book 1, of course, "Ahoy, Gum Drop!"

Feast your eyes on my friends below. Can you recognize 'em?

1) There's me, heh heh, on the top, right where I belong, but..uh...why is Dr. Ag O. Nee leering at me?

I'll leave it to you to look closely and see if you can identify:

2) Sir O. Yuri Wiseguy-eh
3) The Narrator
4) Moose
5) Speck
6) Spang
7) Spit
8) Mandibles

Yeah, and, like, the second in the series, "Ahoy, Out There!" is now available in print and eBook. Coming soon as audio with narrator Owen McCuen returning as...well, all of us! Heh heh

Artwork by Pat McCuen

(watermarked by blackened pen)

Oh, No! Is It Nosey -- AGAIN????

Summer hiatus is past! The Fall season is upon us! And it means -- does it mean??? -- that there is a new season of Feeling Nosey?

Well, one sure way to find the answer to that is to "tune" in this Wednesday, Sept. 12, right here at this blog!

Circle the date, synchronize your watch, grab a bar of chocolate and BE HERE!!!

"Heh heh. Did you miss me, World?"

To Be A White Knight...Or Not!!!

(Cyberbug reporting from top of Gaggy DeBore’s helicopter…Heeellllpppp! She can not pilot! Mayday! Mayday!)

GDB:  It was there!!!  It was right there!!!!  Where did it go?!  Islands don’t just vanish!!  Not even Islands in the Stream!!!!  Certainly not islands out in the middle of the Caramel Vanilla & Pecan Sea! Nobody knows this sea  exists, so who’d come steal an island?!?!

FF: Ohhhh my God! Someone stole an island? I mean, like really? You’re kidding, right?

PK: That is what ye are, islands in the stream… PFTEEOOO! EPEEOFOO FTEEEOP!!!! Fly me to the moon..Let me play among the stars…Let me see what spring is like On Jupiter and Mars and Saturn and Plutooooh…Higher and higher, Baby…It’s be a terrible thing to looooohseeee…

GDB:  (Fumbling with radar controls) Where, oh where, is Radar O’Reilly when I need him??  I need a HUMAN radar, not this defective mechanical timebomb!!

(Cyberbug: Yes, even though the wind is screaming in my teensy-weensy ears, I can certainly hear the old bag’s conversation. Did she say that Gum Drop Island location just vanished off the radar screen? And, oopsie, what’s that I see ahead? A rusted, one-bladed helicopter? Who’s piloting? Y. Lee Persimmon! Dear me, will there be a dogfight in the skies?)

FF: Timebomb? Did you say timebomb?  I think I want to get off this thing.

PK:  It Was Like A Time Bomb, Set Into Motion And If I Had To Pull You Out Of The Wreckage You Know I'm Never Gonna Let You Go Dahlahadah Gonna Lose It, Let's Defuse It…Gonna Capture Your Heart Right From the Start At the Very Beginning…

GDB:  Seriously?!?  She is seriously coming after us in that refugee from a GI Joe playset?!?  Let me at her!!

(Cyberbug: Calling Cyberbug 1, where are you? The old bag can’t find Nosey, or MM’s headquarters, and she is not happy! You have to take over, pal. I’m only a part-time substitute and clinging to the windshield of a teeter tottering helicopter was not in my job description!)

GDB:  You wanta play chicken with me, Persimmy?  You wanta play chicken with me?  I’ll show you how to play chicken. Like Big & Rich and Cowboy Troy!  (breaks into a chorus of the Big & Rich hit while aiming straight at Persimmy) “I play chicken with the train play chicken with the train train, uh huh huh uh huh huh….”

FF: (tightens her seat belt) Please, take us back, please. I thought we were looking for Nosey. (Covers her eyes.) NOOOOOOOO!

PK:  I’m leavin’ on the next train, is what I said I wanted to do, not on a jet plane, or on a helicopter.

GDB:  Don’t get technical with me, a chopper’s close enough to a train!!

(Cyberbug: She’s aiming straight for Persimmon! Okay, I’m outta here! *buzzes away and lands flat on YLP’s helicopter*) 

YLP: Look at that idiot. She always was crazy. I’ll show her a thing or two. She wants to play chicken, does she? Ha, she has no idea who she’s dealing with. Obviously, she doesn’t know who I am.

OGW:  Evasive action!!!  Evasive action!!!! Boss, how many hormones did you take today?!?!  This is no place for Air Rage!!!  And what was that splat on the side of the ’copter?

YLP: Relax. I’m the world’s greatest helicopter chicken player. Never lost a battle yet and not about to start now. (Aims straight at GDB)

OGW:  Bogie on the left!!  Bogie on the left!!  AND bogie on the right!!  Bogie on the right!!  Why didn’t I listen to my mother and take PIANO lessons!!!!!

YLP: Oh boy, more fun in the sky. Which one to take out first?

(Cyberbug: What was that part? Did she say…? Yes! I see it too! Another chopper is joining this aerial arena! And what’s that emblazoned on the side? ‘White Knight to the Rescue’. Oh, boy. This I got to see to believe. *zooms over to TAW’s chopper and presses antenna to glass*)

TAW: Of course you can steer this machine, Gail. What do you think I hired you for?

Gail: Let’s not get into that, Tobe.  ‘Cause I warn you, this little charade we’re playin’ is getting’ real old, real fast.  And insofar as the rest of the world knows, you hired me because me sitting at the desk in the office lets you be out of it.  Without anybody knowing the difference.  That’s why.  (Jams hand against control panel while adjusting knobs) Dang!!! Broke another one! That hurts!!  You owe me so many manicures, Tobe!!!

TAW: Will you shut up about your nails? Here. (extracts object from pocket) This is a brand new box of ten-penny nails. Enjoy.

Gail:  Tobe, darlin’, you better re-think that.  ‘Cause you hand me that box of nails, you ain’t gonna like where I put ‘em.  This charade of ours, remember?  The gettin’ old part?

GDB’s voice shouts from radio:  Oh, goody!!  Two for the price of one!!!!  How many torpedos have I got left, girls?  Tobe, you’d best be declaring your intentions!  Who’d you come to save?

YLP interrupts: Save? Tobe? Ha, that’s the joke of the century. He couldn’t save a flea.

TAW: No, I have not arrived to save either one of you! I’m on orders from U.R. Honor, and he’s demanding that all of us show up in his court, pronto!

Gail:  And you so don’t wanta get that man the teensiest bit upset at you!

GDB:  I’m not a lawyer, I don’t give a root beer moo goo whatever the heck it is about what a Judge wants!  I’m the press!!  I’m immune!!!!!

YLP: Darn it, someone always has to spoil my fun. Don’t think we’re done with this Gagga. Not by a long shot. (Aims helicopter at GDB again)

OGW:  Boss, I’m beggin’.  You’re not the press, you’re not immune.  If you won’t think of your own career, consider mine!  And why did I just bother to say that, when I’m talkin’ to a lawyer?  And why are you flyin’ this thing in the first place if you don’t know how to land?!?!?!?!?

TAW: Now listen here---

FF (covers her head): We’re doomed. Doomed I tell you. We’ll never see Nosey again. I feel faint….

PK:  We didn’t start the fire; Pigs didn't start the swine flu..  Miss Piggy, Arnold Ziffle neither has a little sniffle…Porky Pig and Piglet, Putnam, Gordy, Toot and Puddle…Not contagious safe to snuggle… I’m immune…

TAW: (shouts to be heard) Well, you’d better learn how to land fast, because he was frothing at the mouth when I left him, and it wasn’t because he was salivating after a Choco-Moo Root Beer Jolly Folly lollipop! Uh oh. (points through windshield) Women, do you see that? U.R. Honor has dispatched his front guard, that steely stenographer of his!

Cyberbug: Another chopper? Talk about reaching dizzying heights! And what’s that stamped on its side? ‘Lion Mother, and Watch Out World Because I’m Roaring Mad’.)

TAW: Miss Barbara, you can report to U.R. Honor that I’m attempting to obey his orders---

Gail:  Exactly, Miss Barbara.  How ‘bout you obey U.R. Honor’s orders and ignore Tobe’s?  Since he’s trying to get us all jailed for contempt of Court?

BE: Look, I was sent here to make sure you get down there to the Court ASAP.

TAW: But--

BE: He Who Must Be Obeyed wants you all facing him when he gets back to Court in fifteen minutes. He said in his words: “If those (expletive) cohorts of Nosey don’t get their (expletive) butts in front of me I will slap an injunction on this whole island and maybe throw their precious Nosey into jail.

YLP: Garsh dern it. Now we have to go back.

GDB:  What part of “I’m the press, I have immunity” aren’t you people getting here?!?!

OGW:  What part of we’re not immune and we’re not going down alone aren’t you gettin’, lady??

TAW: Women, don’t antagonize her! U.R. Honor sent her prepared!

BE:  You bet I’m prepared. You have one minute to turn this thing around and head over there or I’ll slap on these cuffs I brought. ( grabs the plastic handcuffs she has in her enormous handbag).

FF: Immune, schmune. Can you land this thing or not? And where’s Nosey? I want Nosey.

PK:  You should be so lucky.

TAW: (speaking to FF and PK) Who are you two females and where did you come from? Can’t you see that M.M.’s protected Nosey somehow? Be concerned with what’s happening now!!! Gail, don’t fly this contraption upside down!!!

Gail (flipping chopper deep to left side):  Tobe, what part of “this little charade of ours is gettin’ real old”, don’t you get?  I. Don’t. Take. My. Orders. From. You.  And you know it.  You just like to forget it.

BE: Okay, you have thirty seconds now and I have my bbgun/taser ready if you don’t do it! I brought Carolyn if you guys didn’t do what I said.  (Fumbles inside her bag and out comes Carolyn Samuels, the main character of her YA novel, If I Could Be Like Jennifer Taylor. BE gives her the handcuffs.)

YLP: Charade? What charade? Gail, do you and Tobe have a thing going?

GDB:  I am the press!!!!  I don’t HAVE to do what U.R. Honor says!!!!!!!

BE: Sorry, guys I have no choice. (takes out her bbgun/taser and starts shooting above their heads.) I should have brought Jennifer. At least with her gymnastic ability she might have gotten us down there.

TAW: (gasps) She’s had enough! Watch out, everyone! She’s deploying her weapons array and firing out jellybean bullets! (stares at gooey mess dripping down windshield) Correction. That’s rotten eggs.

BE: I’m about to start shooting these at each of you and then cuffing you and take charge myself!! This is it!!! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...............................

TAW: Gail, don’t stall this machine! Hurry, do something!

(Cyberbug: Mayday, mayday, cyberbug 1, come in, come in!! I’m going down with the chopper!!!! Oooovvvveeeerrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

To Be Continued…

Same Nosey Time, Same Nosey Channel!

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Thanks to Barbara Ehrentreu for guesting with I.B. Nosey! If you'd like your moment of fame in the Maniacal Madness world of that 'official unofficial' reporter, sign up! Instructions are listed on the left hand side of this blog. 

Women Power!

(Whisper from Cyberbug): Here we are again, dear readers! When last we left our hero…at least, that’s what he keeps insisting he is…that inept--er, intrepid ‘official unofficial’ reporter I.B. Nosey, he was hid away in a cheap hotel tied fast in a chair! I don’t know about you, but even I am wondering if M.M. has a clue as to how she’s going to write him an escape from that one!

I’ve secreted myself below said room and am sitting atop a street light, my antennae pointed steadfastly to that upper storey window. I hear a lot of commotion…what sounds like scuffling…a yell that sounds like, ‘you just broke my fingernail!’ and a Tarzan-like roar coming from Nosey’s throat! What? TARZAN??? And…huh? What’s that crashing noise? It’s Nosey! He’s breaking through the glass and falling -- falling-- falling-- okay, so it’s actually only a second-floor height, but there he is on the sidewalk sprawled hard on his noggin and it’s split into a thousand splinters! The chair, I mean. You don’t really think M.M. would write up her hero with a wooden head, do you?)

NOSEY: (groans) I’m so brave it hurts. Good thing I executed my Gum Drop Island Marshmallow Fall-Thru-Window-Goodie-Cushion before I hit this cement. (shakes head) Wonder why Heathcliff sold me a kiddie size, though? Huh? (stares at woman who approaches) What’s that on your blouse, lady? It says, ‘Laurean Brooks, Street Walker’. (brightens) Oh, yeah. Are you from, ‘There she was just a-walkin’ down the street singing ‘do wah diddy, diddy dum, diddy do’?

LB: (looks down at Nosey, lying in a fetal position) Where did you fly in from?  Ple-ease, spare me! (Sticks fingers in her ears)Your vocal cords  sound worse than my cat squalling. I hope you didn't pay for voice lessons, because if you did, you wasted your money.

NOSEY: Okay, so I can’t sing like a rock star, don’t throw rotten tomatoes! Hey, I need help. Can you get these ropes off me?

LB: Look, I don't have time. I'm searching for my cat. The last time I saw him he was inching along that window ledge up there below the window you came flying through. Move over! (Grabs the marshmallow cushion beneath Nosey and yanks hard. Nosey yelps in pain.) If you've flattened my cat, you are in big trouble! (Shakes her head.) No, No cat under there. Where can he be? Sass-sy! Here, kitty-kitty! (Looks back down at Nosey's pleading eyes.) I don't think I should untie you. I mean, you could be an escapee from a mental ward, for all I know. Give me one good reason I should set you free.

NOSEY: You have a chance to be a heroine, gal! I need to get to the script in my breast pocket and pass it around to everyone. Every character in this story is not sticking to the script!!! They’ve got to be eating some other kind of candy which does not grow on Gum Drop Island!

(Cyberbug): Oh, no! That’s the ShutUrFace&DoWhatISay company car arriving. And who should emerge but Persimmon and O.G. Whattapayne and…(cough, wheeze) smelly Petunia?

YLP: (approaches Nosey) It really is him. It’s about time you found him. What the heck is he doing on the ground tied to a broken chair?

OGW:  Hey, it’s not my fault Nosey drives people so crazy they kidnap him!   And you oughta be givin’ me a raise – AND a PARTNERSHIP – for having that electronic Gum Drop Island Gumball Supersize  Extra Sticky Wangdiddy in his pocket or we woudn’t have found him now!  You know how long it took me to chew that sucker soft enough to stick in his pocket?!

Petunia:  Sweets for my sweet, sugar for my honey…lalalala. Sweet dreams are made of this… lalalala… Sweet-talking guy…falahdidah… Wang Dang Sweet Poontang…

LB: Get that skunk away from me! If she smells as bad as she sings, we are in for a treat. Is everybody crazy? I'm in the midst of a mental ward! I just want to know ONE thing. Has ANYBODY seen a long-haired black cat?

NOSEY: Will somebody please read the script??? No one is following their lines!!

(Cyberbug): And don’t look now, fans! Well, actually, I do want you to keep reading, but here screaming up in The Old Bag jalopy is Gagga DeBore! Uh oh, is this going to be a showdown?)

GDB:  Alright, sister, hold it right there!  Don’t you touch that man!  He’s my shot at the Pukelitzer!  He has insider information that is MINE!!!  You understand?!  Mine!!!

YLP: (stands in front of Nosey) Oh. No. You don’t ! He’s mine. You stay away from him.

LB: I can't believe you ladies are fighting over this disheveled heap of a man. You are either blind or desperate. (shakes her head) He is definitely no prize winner. And he sings like a bawling cow. No offense, mister.

OGW:  Boss!  Calm down!  (Leans close to YLP’s ear and hisses)  You don’t want the Bar Association to stumble on any of this, do you?!?  ‘Cause you’d be looking at the Dis-Bar Association!!!

NOSEY: Excuse me, if I can interrupt—

OGW:  You can’t.  Interrupt.  So can it.

Petunia:  Yeah, right. It’s the new Peppermint Twist. One Mint Julep poured on Top of Spaghetti, like. Peaches and Cream for dessert.

YLP: Interrupt. Like who’d want to listen to you?

LB: I would. All this commotion is making me ravenous. But first things first. (cups her hands and shrieks) Sass-sy! Come out wherever you are!

(Cyberbug: And there’s even more excitement! Like the cavalry, here comes Felicity Funk and Peachy Keen!)

FF: (runs toward Nosey and pushes everyone out of the way and tries to help Nosey up) Are you okay? Oh my poor Nosey. It was true, you were kidnapped. You poor, poor man! Come on, I’ll take you home. My home. Out of my way, all of you! Is this how you treat a hero?

PK:  Jambalaya Sukiyaki Vindaloo– what on earth have they done to you? 

GDB:   Where are these groupies coming from?!?   We’re wasting money on Inves T. Gator!!  All we have to do is mention the idiot’s name and these—these fans – come running!!

YLP: Fans? Nosey has fans?

LB: Idiot? I knew it! The man escaped from a mental hospital. Fans? What kind of fans? Roommates from his ward?

NOSEY: (shouts to be heard) Well, if no one intends to aid the HERO here, guess I have to save myself. (shrugs ropes off wrists and stands up) Excuse me. (presses between FF who is face-to-face with YLP) I’ll just step aside—

GDB:  You’ll step into my parlor, said the spider to the fly!  Wait!  No, I didn’t actually say that!  I meant, you’ll step right into this car with me!  We’re going back to my office!

Petunia: Dear friend what can I do, To prove the warm affection I have always felt for you? I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice; I'm sure you're very welcome, will you please to take a slice?

FF: Back off, Lady. Nosey isn’t going anywhere with you. I just said he’s coming home with me.  Where people know how to treat him. The nerve of some people.

PK:  All’s well that ends badly…And now dear little children, who may this story read, To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed. Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye, And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly…But this is not the end. Oh, no.

LB: Oh, brother! Now we have a poet in our midst.

OGW: Will all y’all stop yapping  and pay attention!!!  He’s gettin’ away!!!

(Cyberbug): Nosey can’t make his way through that throng of women! He’s inching up the street light--the one I’m on--and slowly making his escape. Hey, maybe he is one smart hero, after all! Uh oh. (pole sways under Nosey’s weight) Good thing I extra-glued my sticky feet this morning. Whoa…(leans in as pole shifts direction)

YLP: Get  him, quick!

OGW:  Push, ladies!  We’ve got to make that pole sway!  Get him off of it!!

LB: Wait! I have a can of WD-40. (reaches into her purse and sprays the lubricant up and down the pole.) That should do it.

FF: He’s mine I tell you. Get out of the way!

PK:  Mine, yours, ours.

Petunia:  Cut to the chase. Oh, I see that you already have. Two months early for the greasy pole, what?

GDB:  We’ve almost got him!  But when he touches ground, it’s every woman for herself!!  Now!!  Mark and move!!!!

(Cyberbug): It’s no good! The pole is bending and poor Nosey is sliding back into those women’s clutches! Oh dear, I can’t look! (shields bug eyes with wings)

NOSEY: Gander, where’s that helicopter??? M.M., don’t leave the scene hanging like this! Rescue me! Help, M.M.!!!

(Cyberbug): Hm, M.M.? (taps monitor screen) Are you back from your coffee break?

Cheer rises from women’s throat………

To Be Continued

Next Nosey Time, Next Nosey Channel

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Thanks to Laurean Brooks for guesting with I.B. Nosey! If you'd like your moment of fame in the Maniacal Madness world of that 'official unofficial' reporter, sign up! Instructions are posted on the left hand side of this blog.

Attention, World!

I smell trouble for that Nosey reporter!

My attorney, O.G. Whattapayne, from ShutUrFace & DoWhatISay:

has an appointment with him, HERE, on January 18, 2012.

You're advised to return.

Don't be tardy now, or Whattapayne just might have to be seeking after you!