Julie Coulter Bellon Sparks with I.B. Nosey

NOSEY: Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter. Today I’m coming to you from the apartment of *squints to read name beneath mailbox* Julie Coulter Bellon and she’s--

*Door flies open and a gallon bucket of water splashes through. Nosey shrieks and leaps aside*

NOSEY: Watch it, lady! You’ll short out my mike!

JCB: *stomps foot* Don’t just stand there! Help me put out this fire!

NOSEY: Fire? *wanders inside as JCB races back through hallway* Shouldn’t the fellas who drive the big red truck be called?

JCB: It’s just a kitchen fire. *grabs up extinguisher and sprays foam in the direction of pan atop stove* Save my book. It’s on the table over there.

NOSEY: *picks up book, glances over it, and raises brows* Ashes Ashes, eh?

JCB: I think that’s done it. *lowers extinguisher* This is just a bit too realistic for my Sophia.

NOSEY: Sophia?

JCB: My heroine. Read the blurb off the book.

NOSEY: Oh, right. Are you ever really innocent until proven guilty? Sophia Naziri is wanted for questioning in the murder of a U.S. senator.  She’s worried the police will show up on her doorstep any moment, but when Detective Colby Black appears, it’s to help her put out a kitchen fire, not take her in. Yet. *pauses* She caused this fire? *chuckles* How? By trying her hardest to recreate some Gum Drop Island fudge, but -um, obviously hasn’t conquered the knack.

JCB: No, but that’s very close. She was making fry bread and a newspaper headline caught her attention because it had to do with the murder she’s wanted for. She turned her back for just a second and well, everything spun out of control. *bats lashes at Nosey* I’m sure you can relate to that, right, I.B.?

NOSEY: Huh? *starts* Er…um…that is, hey, what was that about a newspaper headline and *gulps* murder?

JCB: As was stated, a U.S. senator was murdered and ended up in the trunk of the car Sophia was driving. So she’s wanted for questioning as to the why.

NOSEY: If you ask me, that’s a good question.

JCB: But I didn’t.

NOSEY: What?

JCB: Ask you.

NOSEY: Oh.

JCB: She thinks that’s why Detective Colby Black appears. *waves hand* Read on. You’ll learn more about him.

NOSEY: Yeah, right. Okay. *clears throat* His easy smile and persistence in getting to know her pushes all her troubles to the back of her mind, until a hit man tracks her down. *whistles* Who sends the hit man?

JCB: A very bad man. I can’t mention his name because that’d ruin the surprise!

NOSEY: *gazes around kitchen* Might get a surprise when they turn up here, too.

JCB: *sighs* Her cooking skills, or lack thereof, is not what intrigues Colby. And the way to find out what intrigues him is for you to continue reading.

NOSEY: Sure. I’m intrigued by what intrigues Colby, heh heh.

JCB: *rolls eyes* Whatever.

NOSEY: Ahem. Picking up the narrative: Getting arrested becomes the least of Sophia’s worries and the handsome detective could be her only way out if she tells him the truth. Colby Black’s sniper skills have been a blessing and a curse to him. As a member of a Hostage Negotiation Team, he can use them to save people, but sometimes he can’t protect the innocent despite his best efforts. When a hostage situation goes bad, he tries to put it behind him by helping out his mysterious next-door neighbor, Sophia Naziri. *looks up* How did that hostage situation ‘go bad’?

JCB: So many questions! You certainly are nosy, aren’t you?

NOSEY: *puffs out chest* That’s my name. Questions are my game, heh heh.

JCB: *slaps forehead with palm of hand* How could I forget? Care for a cup of coffee?

NOSEY: Don’t plug that pot in a wet socket, lady!

JCB: *makes face* Oh, all right. I like cold frappuccino better anyway. *opens bottle and then leans against counter* To answer your nosy question - a hostage situation gone bad is all that it implies. You know, death and mayhem. *shakes head* Poor Colby.

NOSEY: *stares at charred pot atop stove* And poor Colby if he expects a gourmet meal.

JCB: Well, this isn’t Gum Drop Island. Life isn’t all about gingerbread shrubs and licorice trees, you know.

NOSEY: *raises brows* How come?

JCB: Because this is about Sophia and Colby. Shall I finish? *grabs book from Nosey and reads* But she pulls Colby into a web of lies and conspiracy that will force him to use every skill he has in order to survive. Faced with the moment of truth, can he trust anyone around him including the woman at the center of it all?

NOSEY: Uh oh. And what is that ‘moment of truth’?

JCB: *gives wicked smile* You’ll have to read the book to find out!

NOSEY: But if all this *waves arms to encompass surroundings* drama happens to Sophia, why is Colby so persistent in trying to get to know her?

JCB: Well, he’s intrigued by her. She needs his help but doesn’t want it. She’s beautiful and strong, but is obviously hiding something. It’s an irresistible combination for a detective!

NOSEY: No fooling? *mutters* I bet Heathcliff would.

JCB: *laughs* That possum is one tough character, for sure.

NOSEY: So. *sidesteps puddle on floor* What about you? You like to cook?

JCB: Let’s just say that I love to write. International romantic suspense novels because *dreamy expression crosses face* I get to travel to distant lands to research and add an authentic feel to all my books. My favorite cities are, so far, Athens, Paris, Ottawa, and London. Know what my goal in life is? You’ll find this interesting, Nosey. My goal is to find the perfect hiding spot for my Canadian chocolate stash.

NOSEY: *gasps* What stash? I have a feeling -and my sniffing-out-the-news-nose knows that your so-called stash is none other than stolen delectable delights from Gum Drop Island!

JCB: *clutches pearls* Well, I NEVER! My dear sweet mother sends me care packages of delectable Canadian candy to keep my sanity. *sniffs* I have never stolen so much as a chocolate chip OR a gum drop.

NOSEY: But--

JCB: I’ve earned a Secondary Education, English teaching degree from Brigham Young University and I’ve taught a journalism course there for 14 years. That experience got me in the habit of reading multiple newspapers every day and staying on the cutting edge of current events and world news - which is where I get my story ideas. So you see I’m too busy to go around stealing any candy from anywhere.

NOSEY: Well. *gives grudging shrug* What about that ‘cutting edge’ stuff? Doesn’t that shred your little tootsies?

JCB: I’m Canadian, so we’re extra tough. No problems there.

*Pounding knock sounds at door. Voice calls out* Open up!

NOSEY: Who’s there?

JCB: That’s Colby. *opens door and hero storms inside. He stops, glares at Nosey and points finger*

Colby Black: What are you doing here?

NOSEY: *glances around* Obviously looking for an exit, pal.

JCB: What’s wrong, Colby?

Colby Black: Read the beginning of that blurb again. It says that when the kitchen fire starts Colby Black appears - NOT this fool.

JCB: You’re so right, Colby. It does say that.

*Hero marches toward Nosey. Nosey shrieks and backs against edge of table. Hero lunges, misses, and Nosey streaks out doorway*

Colby Black: *on radio* Team, we’ve got an escaping target. Do whatever it takes to capture him. I want him pronto! What? His crime? Let me tell you, it tops the list. It’s absolutely insufferable. That long-nosed reporter dared to impersonate a hero!

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Follow Julie's acclaimed writing, book reviews, and get writing tips at her site.

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Ashes Ashes for sale at Amazon.

It's Finally Settled!

So what happened to this wacko, weirdo, bizarre tale you ask?

To catch you up:

While you might think nothing was going on at this blog, here's the scoop on behind the scenes: Petunia the Skunk's scent mellowed out and she met Pedro, a latin hunk of a skunk who fell nose-over-tail in love with her. They were last seen singing "Lollipop, Lollipop" before disappearing into the sunset over the flagpole atop a Manhattan skyscraper.

O.G. Whattapayne resigned her position at ShutUrFace & DoWhatISay, and went to work as a doughnut hole taster for Knuckle-Smucker Puddin' & Pie Factory.

Y. Lee Persimmon eloped with Inves T. Gator. They now operate a 'Cheat 'em & Beat 'em' Mohave Desert car wash business.

Gagga DeBore got sued from an unnamed ex-employee of The Old Bag. No other details are known at this time.

Tobe A. WiteNite went on extended leave of absence. Last we heard he's the consulting attorney for the television show, NCPFH. ( Nim-Com-Poops-For-Hire)

Gail Branan gave up her job at SuckItUp & PayMeNow to become a best-selling author of even more bizarre tales than this one!

Sneak M. Hijinx...hmm, I have a feeling he's sneaking around somewhere.

Cyberbug 1 won the Ugly Bug Ball contest and Cyberbug 2 was runner-up. That's all the glory they need.

And I.B. Nosey?

With this case now settled and behind him, he can concentrate once more on doing what he does best...er, or is that worse? Well, he's ready to return to interviewing. He's decided to make this blog his home, since even the title says, "Home of your 'official unofficial' reporter." (though, of course, that won't stop him from dropping in at other blogs/sites)

Whew. It's so good to be home, huh, Nosey? Relax. Lean back, prop your feet up and chomp down on that aroma-wafting box of chocolates that's just arrived from Gumdrop Island.

Uh...wait. They really are from Gumdrop Island - right????

Holy Cyberspace Dribble!

(Buzz, buzz, grunt…and lands!)

CyberBug 1 blinks 12 pairs of eyes at CB 2.

CB 1: Hey, watsamatta u? (peels buggy hands - only 6 of ‘em this time - (ha ha, readers, bet ya really enjoy learning all these intimate details, eh?) away from his companion’s face.

CB 2: (wails) I can’t watch! We left last episode at a cliffhanger and I’m scared to know where all those mindless morons are rushing to!

CB 1 stares down at the stampeding mob of Tobe A. WiteNite, Gail, O.G. Whattapayne, Y. Lee Persimmon, Gagga DeBore, Petunia the Skunk, Inves T. Gator, Peachy Keen and Felicity Funk and, and…whoaaaa, doggies!!!

TAW: Holy Cyberspace Dribble!! (flails arms as he teeters at edge of a high cliff) Back, everyone! Don’t push!! This is a literal cliffhanger and I’m not liking it at all!

Gail: (Arm raises, half-way towards TAW’s back, ready to shove.  Hesitates and pulls arm back.)  I’m sworn to protect the innocent and the stupid.  I just can’t do it.  I swore an oath.

GDB: Woman!  Oath-smoath!  You’ll never get an opportunity like that again! And how the heck did we get HERE, anyway?  We were in the middle of town!

TAW: Does it really matter if the last episode left us in the middle of a city with skyscrapers? We are now facing a RIVER FULL OF SWIMMING CROCODILES!

Inves T. Gator: Not me, dude. Don’t care if my last name is Gator. I’m not kin to them babies down there eyeballing us like a plate of Gum Drop Island Cocoa Fluffies. (flips cellphone, dials number) Send the Later-Gater Getaway Tater. I’m outta here! (turns tail and scurries away in a cloud of dust)

YLP: Hey, wait for me. (Grabs onto Gator and pulls herself free.) Phew, that was close.

OGW: A partnership isn’t worth this!  What am I still doing here?  What?  Why, oh why?!? Didn’t I take that offer from Ambulance Chasers-R-Us?!?!

TAW: What a pain your useless chatter is, woman! If you have no bright ideas to help us cross this moat with those teeth-snapping reptiles down there, will you kindly just SHUT UP!!

Maniacal laughter is heard from across the water. Sneak M. Hijinx stands atop a boulder, cape billowing in the breeze.

SMH: So, you gullible goonies! Come to the end of it all, have you?

TAW: Deliver Nosey to us! That rascal hasn’t paid his bill!

Gail: Speaking of which, your malpractice insurance got cancelled last week for non-payment of premium.  You might wanta look into that!

YLP: Why don’t you all just shut up? What a bunch of jabberwalkers. Lord, I swear, you’d help out a lot more if you’d be quiet.

Petunia:  Quiet? Quiet you say? How can I be quiet when my heart is fit to bust with emotion and passion and excitement and feeling and sentiment and… oh, quiet, that’s the last thing I wanna be.  That’s the last thing I can be… 

GDB:  Will all you of stop babbling and FOLLOW THAT CROCODILE!!

SMH: If you all desire that ‘official unofficial’ reporter, then come get him!

FF: Where’s Nosey? HUH? Where is he? What have you done with him?

PK:  Who? Me?  Done what with whom? Nosey? Who? Me? I would sacrifice my life for him rather than harm one hair on his head.  Manner of speaking.

TAW: (snaps fingers) Yes, why not? Young ladies, sacrifice yourselves. Jump into that water!

Gail: Tobe, that’s really bad legal advice, and I just told you they cancelled your  malpractice insurance!

TAW: What’s the problem? It works in all those late-night B-rated movies.

CB 1: (points) Looky that! The Old Bag has gathered up her skirts and has plunged into the water! She’s leaping off the back of one croc over to the other!

YLP: Who you calling an old bag?

OGW: (Whips out her cell phone) Ambulance Chasers-R-Us?  Do you still have that opening for a young, eager ambulance chaser?

TAW: (gulps) They’re actually making it! Well, never let it said that the White Knight doesn’t do his job. Gail, carry me across.

Gail: Does the phrase “When donkeys fly” hold any meaning for you? That just ain’t in my employment contract!

TAW: How hard can it be? And what do you think I pay you for?

FF: Nosey, where are you Nosey?

PK:  Honey bubble sweetie pie sugar-coated almonds with chocolate sprinkleys stuckie on toppie… where are you?

Petunia: Oh listen to her. I will leap and dance and jump and spring and hop…

SMH: (eyes glint devilishly) Come along, my merry mischief-makers! There are more hijinx awaiting you on this side of the river!

CB 1: Uh oh, oh no! Petunia is trying to leap on those broad backs, but her scent! The crocs are turning belly up! Can she make it? And Gail – Tobe’s pushed her into the river to use as a life preserver!  She’s sinking with poor old Tobe clutching her eyebrows for dear life!

CB 2: We have to help! (zooms down to the river)

Does it end like this???? What might be next for the mob of mindless morons? What do you think? Stay tuned, readers!

To be Continued

Same Nosey time, same Nosey blog!

(look for us on October 17, heh heh)

Season 2: And We're Back!

And We're Back!

**BUZZ, BUZZ, SPLAT, GASP**

CyberBug 2: Wake up, buggie! (slaps CyberBug 1) What are you doing sleeping on the job?

CyberBug 1: (blinks) Huh? Well, it was a long hot summer…

CyberBug 2: Summer, bummer! Just report the news! Where’s Nosey now?

CyberBug 1: (yawns) Who’s Nosey?

CyberBug 2: (groans) Has your pea brain hardened to a mere lump of rock candy? Whaddya mean ‘who’s Nosey’? Don’t ya remember what we’re doing here? I.B. Nosey is the official unofficial reporter of cyberspace! He’s the man, dude! Except now he’s being sued—

CyberBug 1: Yeah. Sounds familiar. It was some crazy female who sued him, right?

CyberBug 2: Jeez, Firefly, you wasted the whole summer allowing your antenna to rust up? Not just some crazy female. It was Petunia the Skunk. Don’t you recall how she strolled into his backyard after he tossed out a box of chocolates - not the authentic, genuine Gum Drop Island’s brand, mind you - and she lost her scent? She became deskuned and now she smells like a 16 ounce bottle of cheap drugstore perfume.

CyberBug 1: (snaps fingers) That’s right. She hired a law firm too!

CyberBug 2: Yup. A Ms. O.G. Whattapayne of ShutUrFace & DoWhatISay. They are out to make Nosey pay big time.

CyberBug 1: They won’t win, will they?

CyberBug 2: Not if attorney Tobe A. WiteNite of SuckItUp & PayMeNow is able to defend him. And his rival journalist, Gagga DeBore of The Old Bag is all set to see Nosey’s demise. But first they have to get Nosey to court.

CyberBug 1: We can’t let that happen!

CyberBug 2: Well, that’s why we’re here! (spreads bug arms - all 6 of them - to encompass them both) We have to stay on top of the situation. And the situation now is that the whole bleeping gang of them (counts on 24 fingers and toes)…Whattapayne, Y.Lee Persimmon, WiteNite, Petunia, Inves T. Gator, Felicity Funk, Peachy Keen and Gail Branan are all after this Pukelitzer Award winning reporter. And you GO TO SLEEP during all this drama?

CyberBug 1: (looks sheepish) Like I said, it was a long hot summer and me little bug eyes grew heavy—

CyberBug 2: Sssh! (slaps four feet over partner’s mouth) Wait! Who is that in the approaching sleek, mean, bullet-proof limousine? (perks up) Whaddaya know? That rhymes!

Limousine drives up. Caped person leaps out, snatches Nosey from the spot where he’s flipping through hundreds of pages of script, tosses a yelling, screaming Nosey into vehicle, slams door and watches as limo streaks off.

CyberBug 2: Who is that caped character? Time to get to work! (zooms down to street lamp and stretches out listening apparatus - that’s ‘antenna’ for all you techie folk)

SMH: (whirls to address gathered crowd) Halt, all of you!

GDB:  You’re telling ME to halt?  And who do you think you are?  NOBODY tells me to halt!  I’m the press! The voice of the people! Just who do you think you are?

SMH: You ask who I am, Old Bag? (twirls tip of moustache around one gloved index finger) The name’s Sneak M. Hijinx. I am the ‘Defender of I.B. Nosey’. If anyone wants him, they now have to go through me. But be warned—with my bag of hijinks, that is an impossible task.

TAW: (stares at Hijinx) Who is this fellow? Gail, do we have a file on him?

Gail:  No, WE don’t have a file on him.  I – as in me, myself, and I – have a file on him.  And if you think I’m sharing that intel with everybody standing around in this crowd, you need to go play at one of your vacation homes.  Jeeeezzzzzzzz, Tobe, do you ever stop and think anymore?!

YLP: He’s kinda cute. Reminds me of my first love in college. Sigh….

TAW: Really, Persimmy. He looks nothing like your old beau in college. Remember, it was I who was your beau then!

SMH: (throws back head to release maniacal laughter) You all think these mere ‘toys’ can trap Nosey? (reaches inside cape and withdraws stainless steel Fudgsey-Wudgsey Spitball Slammer. Sneak M. fires off a volley of shots, completely covering all the ‘Rambo’ choppers with gallons of ooey, gooey, shooey, pooey hot fudge sauce) I am Nosey’s PR man. I now have him in a safe place. Whatever you wish to ask him you now ask me.

GDB:  Oh, my, how perfectly apropros!  A purely revolting PR man!! As though that little weasel isn’t revolting enough.

SMH: No, Miss DeBore. PR does not mean ‘Purely Revolting’. Here. Someone needs to shut your trap. (reaches inside confines of cape and extracts bathroom plunger. With precise aim, he shoots it at GDB and it smacks her straight on her forehead. Persimmon falls to the ground, laughing hysterically).

YLP: What a shot!  (Stands up and looks around). That was so perfect! I loved it.

OGW:  Boss!  Boss!!  Stop rolling on the ground!!!  You’re showing your – your – your unmentionables!!!

GDB:  (Reaches up and removes plunger.  Without turning a hair, she throws it straight back at SMH, right over his mouth.)  Boy, is that all you’ve got?  And you Persimmy!  Those unmentionables are unmentionable, all right!  White cotton?! Girl, we don’t like each other but that’s a crisis I CANNOT ignore!  I’m taking you to the Mall and visiting a lady named Victoria.  You SO need an introduction!

Inves T. Gator: (whistles) Gotta check this dude out! Where did he come from? (starts at seeing Gail’s glare) Okay, okay. I won’t charge anyone. The sleuthing will be at my own expense.

SMH: (flicks off said plunger as easily as a lit cigarette - watsamatta with that plunger? Can’t it even stick????) Fans of Nosey! (points at Felicity Funk and Peachy Keen) Assert your loyalty! Don’t you each desire an autographed photo of your heartthrob? Hm?

FF: The heck I don’t want one. No way, Jose. I want a photo taken with him, near him, close to him, beside him…

PK: Oh cut it out you twit. You know it’s me whom he fancies, me who makes his ears blush and his wires crossed. I want a whole photo-shoot with him. I do, I do.

SMH: Then do what I say! Come over to my side and—  (has spasm of coughing and grabs edge of cape to cover nose) Petunia the skunk! Lower thy tail, you witless nincompoop!

Petunia: Pfft. Never was I a skink, with my tail between my legs. I am a skunk, a funky, spunky skunk.  Ne’er has it been said of me that thereby hangs a tail.

TAW: I think this man is mad! Gail, tackle him.

Gail:  Excuse me???  TACKLE him?!?  You checked what you pay me lately, Tobe?  The only person I’d tackle for that salary is YOU!!  (Gives patented Gail glare.)

SMH: (maniacal laughter echoes) What a madcap mix of mindless morons! You think I’ll disclose Nosey’s whereabouts? You think you can capture me? Well, all I say is -- enjoy the ride!

CyberBug 2: What’s that music? It sounds like it’s from the Indiana Jones movies! Hey, this guy even has a whip like him! And he’s— (gulp) he’s flicking it toward the eave of a skyscraper! He’s swinging away by leaps and bounds!

TAW: (raises arm and shouts at top of his voice) He has Nosey! We can’t let him get away! Charge, you mindless morons—

YLP: Who are you calling a moron, you moron? The nerve of some people. Always telling everyone what to do. Why don’t you tackle him? Why don’t you charge?

GDB:  Tobe. If you want ME to charge something, give me a credit card.  Anyway, you’re the CHARGE expert!  You look at the fees you charge lately?

TAW: Don’t forget, I’m the white knight here, ladies. No need to be nasty because I had a mere slip of the tongue.

Petunia: Many a slip ’tween cup and lisp, you ungrammatical nincompoop.

Inves T. Gator: I’m with you, Skunkie. You lead the way and don’t worry about us getting lost. (crinkles nose in distaste) Like a pack of bloodhounds, we’ll pick up your scent.

CyberBug 2: And away the whole mass of mindless morons move — er, I mean the whole gang is scampering to follow Sneak M. Hijinx. Except that—oh my! Oh dear! He’s headed for the edge of a cliff! Will they— ? Eeek! (covers all his eyes with his pair of wings) I can’t watch!!!

To Be Continued

Same Nosey Time, Same Nosey Blog

(look for us on Sept. 26, heh heh)

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Oh, No! Is It Nosey -- AGAIN????

Summer hiatus is past! The Fall season is upon us! And it means -- does it mean??? -- that there is a new season of Feeling Nosey?

Well, one sure way to find the answer to that is to "tune" in this Wednesday, Sept. 12, right here at this blog!

Circle the date, synchronize your watch, grab a bar of chocolate and BE HERE!!!

"Heh heh. Did you miss me, World?"

ZOOT SUIT SUITS ZOOTS!

(Greetings from Cyberspace!  This is Cyberbug 2, reporting live from the Airspace over Gum Drop Island.  Currently, I’ve plastered myself against the side of Gail’s chopper ‘cause crazy as that woman is, I swear she’s saner than GaGa DeBore and Y. Lee Persimmon!  And I don’t get paid enough for this gig, Bug 1’s gonna have to come up with some big bucks if he wants ME to back him up again!  Now, remember when last we left our collection of oddball heroes, Lionmother had just entered this total debacle and started   shooting rotten eggs and barking out orders for everybody to get their carcasses back to U. R. Honor’s chambers!  And I’m picking up vibes that something BIG’s about to pop, ‘cause Gail seems like she’s just about had enough—WHEREUPON THIS CYBER NARRATIVE IS INTERRUPTED BY GAIL’S SHOUT OF---)

Gail:  OKAY!!  I- HAVE-  HAD - ENOUGH!!!!!!  Time to engage cloaking device, grab Nosey, and get the heck outta Dodge!  MM, DROP THAT SHIELD on One!  I’m comin’ in to get Nosey! 

MM: Now this is the way I like to write scripts! Lights, camera, action! Let’s go!

Gail:  (Reaches under chopper dashboard)  Three, two, ONE!  (Chopper disappears)

Y. Lee Persimmon: (spins around) Where’d she go? How’d she do that. Darn that woman.

GaGa DeBore:  Alright, where’d she get that?!  Where’d she get that?!  I have to have one!  

YLP: Oh be quiet already. You always want what everyone else has. Good grief, lady, can’t you be content with what you’ve got.  (mumbles to herself) I swear. Some people are just never happy.

Felicity Funk: Oh, just great. She’s gone to get Nosey and we’re stuck here with these two kooks. 

Peachy Keen:  Not if I can help it. What we do is not illegal - they told me; What we do is good for all - they said; What is left just doesn't matter - they told me

As long as right wins over all - they said; You don't know what life's about -they told me… latralahlidahdi..

(Whispers from Cyberspace:  Cyberbug 1, this is Cyberbug 2!!  Come in, come in, Bug 1!!!!!  I’m in a vacuum!! Everything’s DISAPPEARED!!!!  We are SERIOUSLY re-negotiating my salary if I ever get out of here!!!!! Wait!!  We’re coming in through a skydome and we’re back here with MM and Nosey!!  And I have motion sickness and I think I’m gonna BARF!!!!)

Gail (throwing open door of chopper and alighting in the secret chopper pad dome of Gum Drop Island):  Okay.  Enough!!!!  (reaches up to hair line and grabs secret zipper, unzipping body suit, shedding it like a snakeskin).  This charade has gone on way too long! I’m tired of parading around in this zoot suit  and cleaning up everybody’s messes!  I am a SIZE SIX!!!! I weigh 125 pounds!!  I have hair like a lion’s mane (shakes out mane of golden brown hair past her shoulders) and it’s stuck up here under this short middle-age lady’s wig!!!  My IQ’s so high Mensa won’t take me and I’m listening to WiteNite here pretend he’s forgotten what he’s been recruited for!!!!  Enough!!!!!!

Tobe A. WiteNite: (reaches up to hairline…and he has a way to reach as his hairline has waaay receded) Where’s my zipper? Don’t I get a youthful physique too? M.M., is this discrimination against brilliant lawyers???

Gail:  Hey!  You hold it right there, Tobe!  You’re the front man, remember?  You’re the token pinhead of this investigation into this international phony chocolate ring trying to take over the candy market and wreck grocery stores everywhere!  What am I saying?!  Wreck 'em up with tasteless, inedible plastic tasting goop they pass off as legitimate GUM DROP ISLAND brand of deliciousness, I mean!  But the key words are – TOKEN! PINHEAD!!!

Nosey: Did you call?

MM: She said ‘pinhead’, which, on second thought… 

Gail:  Nosey, get in this chopper!  And stop staring at me like a hooked fish!  Jeezzzzz, just from my dang black 5 speed Mustang you shoulda known I wasn’t really a middle-aged frump!!!

Nosey: (lays palm to forehead) I think I’m getting a headache. Which part of the script do I read from? Are we on page 5,386, paragraph 113, section ZCT where you slip me into U.R. Honor’s courtroom--?

Gail:  NO, we’re not goin’ to see U. R. Honor!!!  At least, not right now! We’re goin’ to check in with Chocolate Central Bureau of Quality Control.  Now MOVE!!

(Whispers from Cyberspace:  Bug 1, Bug 1!  We’re moving out!  Where, oh, where, is Chocolate Central Bureau of Quality Control?!  Do I wanta know?  NO, I do not!!)

Gail (Climbing back into chopper seat and shaking lion’s mane of hair):  Boy, it feels good to be outta that zoot suit.  Too bad I’ll have to go back in it.  But at least not right now.  

Nosey: (feverishly flipping pages of script) What am I supposed to say next? I’m the hero on this blog! Where are my lines???

TAW: Somewhere over the rainbow, boy. They’re gone with the wind and lost in space.

Nosey: (stares at TAW) Wait a minute. Can we get sued for saying that?

 

TAW: Gail, you answer the question, or have the QC supply the info. By the way, do the top men there have any idea you’re a…well…dish?  

Gail:  Of course Chocolate Central knows what I really look like.  MM, open the dome!  Headed out!  Engaging Warp Drive!  We’ll be there in a flash, boys!  

(Whispers from Cyberspace:  Alright, readers, it’s one flash later and the  chopper’s touching down on an air pad in what looks to be the mid-west.  And I am so seriously air-sick it ain’t even funny.  And I don’t have a barf bag so I’d watch out, if I were you! Who’s that coming out of that hangar?  Is it?  Can it be?  Yes!  It is!  It’s Pat Dale!  Oh, jeezzz, and he’s got the Last Cowboy in Texas with him!)

Pat Dale:  Howdy, ladies. I hope your journey was pleasant. I’m sure it was not an easy thing to extricate yourself from your previous predicament.

Gail:  Thank you, sir.  No, this hasn’t been easy.  But I do think we’re beginning to flush out – what’s that noise?!?!

Pat:  You mean that caterwauling? That just ol’ Troy boy, stretching his vocal chords. He breaks out in song every time he sees a pretty girl. You want me to shut him up? I mean, after all, I do write his scripts.

The Last Cowboy in Texas:  Aw, come on, Pat. You know I’ve got this thing for women. And you know how they can’t resist me when I sing and dance for ‘em. (He turns to see that they’re getting antsy.)

(Whispers from Cyberspace:  Okay, this is getting out of hand.  Troy Boy’s singing’s let Gagga and Persimmy slip in undetected!  Look up there!  And there’s NO WAY Gagga and Persimmy shoulda been able to follow Gail’s chopper!  I mean, obviously, Gail’s chopper ain’t your standard chopper!  And now I know why, I mean, obviously, it’s a prototype of the highest eggbeater whirlybirds!  So how did Gagga and Persimmy get here right behind us unless – oh, dear!  Oh, no!  There must be a backstabber --and thus, not very nice person-- in the Science Development Department!  How else are those tracking us?! Not to mention catching us!)

Gagga (from overhead through a megaphone):  You there on the ground!  Hold it right there! Stop!

PK: How lahahdi can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad tralhdidoodahding…hey, you talkin’a’ me?

FF: Is that Nosey? Does she have Nosey? Get out of my way. I want to see.

YLP: Quick, we have to get to Nosey. Hurry up, you dimwit. What do I pay you for?

O. G. Whattapayne:  (Covering eyes)  A partnership is not worth all this!!!  (Peeks through fingers)  Ohhh!!  Who’s the dude on the ground there?!  He’s cute!!

FF: He’s there. I know it. Nosey is there someplace. Oh be still my heart. 

PK: You should be so lucky luckluckluckylayhlah…

Pat:  Hi, girls. Glad you like what you see here. (pointing to himself)

Gail:  Hate to disappoint you, big boy, but I think they’re talkin’ about the Cowboy over there. 

Last Cowboy:  Yeah, how you like them apples, writer boy? (slaps his hands on his thighs and turns to Gail) Howdy, ma’am. My gawsh, you’re the purtiest little gal I ever seed, outside o’ Texas.

Gail:  ‘Preciate the compliment, son, but I’m old enough to be your mother.  I just don’t look like it.

Gagga (from up in the chopper):  Well, that explains it!  I don’t know what they did with Gail but they got a new character in the mix down there, looks like. Dang sure ain’t Gail, she’s almost more beautiful than I am!  Besides, there’s no way Gail could fly a chopper like that!

YLP:  What’s happening with this thing? We’re going down. Good grief, don’t tell me we’re out of gas.

OGW:  Out of gas!!!  We can’t be out of gas!!  Get this thing down!!!

PK: All gas and gaiters. All cry and little wool. All in a day’s work. All’s well that begins bad…

FF: (looks out the window and yells) Nosey! Can you hear me? Nosey, are you there?

Gail (Pointing up to the choppers): Those two – uh, four, no, five gals – are seriously gettin’ on my last nerve, Big Boss.  Can we do something ‘bout ‘em, you think?

Pat:  I’ve got an idea. Why don’t I write a script that’ll have Cowboy distract those, uh, ladies, while you and I make tracks for a Gum Drop Island cup of fresh grown hot cocoa?

Last Cowboy:  Not so fast, writer boy. You still haven’t apologized for naming me the last cowboy instead of the best cowboy like you promised. Anyhoo, with your writin’ skill and my ridin’ skill, we can round up them scalawags like corralin’ doggies on the range. I ain’t a cowboy for nothin’!

Gail:  Lord.  I need support troops and I’m gettin’ flattered by a romance writer and his hero!  (Shrugs.)  Well, it’s hard to be humble when you’re gorgeous in every way --and modest to boot too.  (Grabs for chain around her neck, extricates emergency whistle and blows loudly)  WHOOOO-EEEEEEEE, WHOOOOOO-EEEEEEEEE.  There.  If you need reinforcements, you just have to call for ‘em yourself!

(Whispers from Cyberspace:  Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!!  What now?!  Why are two dozen Rambos running out of those hangars? And what’s that red beam coming out of Gagga’s chopper?! Heeelllllpppppppp!!!!!!)

Nosey: (presses button on wristwatch) Found my part in the script. I know exactly what to do!

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To be continued…

Same Nosey Time, Same Nosey Channel!

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Thanks to Pat Dale for guesting with I.B. Nosey! If you'd like your moment of fame in the Maniacal Madness world of that 'official unofficial' reporter, sign up! Instructions are listed on the left hand side of this blog.